Nehemiah's Grand Finale - NEH Part IV

“Dear God,
Thank you so much for the past four years and allowing my relationship with Nehemiah to conclude full-circle. What a circle it’s been! I finally feel restored and like my time to wait patiently may be coming to an end. It might be time to act, but don’t worry, I’m waiting for you to give a clear, “GO!” Thank you for this gift of time to be with my family and to rest and recharge. Thank you for reconnecting me to an old friend and for making new ones. Thank you for being you!  Amen!”

In my last post you found out that Nehemiah was not through with me, even though I thought I was through with him. I am so amazed at how this journey has come full circle. Like I said before, I didn’t really think I had a lot ruins that were in need of repair. I mean don’t get me wrong, I knew I had ruins but I thought I’d completely dealt with them because I’d been walking in such peace relying on God. In my first real encounter with the bible and Nehemiah things didn’t work out quite the way I had planned. But what I’ve discovered is that God had much better plans and the last four years have been amazing! My second encounter with Nehemiah, which was Anne’s bible study, has been a pure blessing! Not only have I been reconnected to an old friend but I’ve been able to see how God has been moving in her life and privileged to participate in a small part of it! I’ve also made some new amazing friends throughout the course of this study and for that I am truly grateful. So to close out this series I’d like to share with you what I think is probably the most important thing that I’ve learned:

The Bible Should Be Our Guide – Always!
I think one of the greatest lessons learned through my journey with Nehemiah is that the Bible should always be our guide. I’ve said before that I always believed in God, but I didn’t really put much stock in the bible. I was always critical of its validity seeing as how it had been interpreted so many times and so many ways by Man – and we know how fallible he is! It really didn’t help that the first time I ever consulted it, I was lead down such a rocky road. I think that’s the main reason why God directed my attention to Nehemiah again; to show me how relevant the bible still is today. It is His living, breathing word; the roadmap that we should all follow.

In Anne’s study on Pg. 104, she had us look up Hebrews 4:12 which reads, “For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.” It most certainly does!

While doing a little research of my own for this blog I stumbled onto this verse:

“His word is always relevant and we should always seek it.” Isaiah 55:11

I thought that summed it up pretty nicely!

Conclusion
I realize now that I used Nehemiah (and the bible too for that matter) superficially before to accomplish my goals. Now I’m learning that I need to slow down and be more like him. Really understand what it was that he did and how he ultimately accomplished the vision placed in his heart by God. He prayed and obeyed God every step of the way. He was patient and acted only when the time was right, after God had cleared the way. He did not let his enemies (earthly or spiritual) distract him from God’s work. By doing all of that he was able to accomplish the seemingly impossible task of rebuilding the wall around Jerusalem in only 52 days. It was a true miracle and he proved that when God places a vision in your heart and mind, not only is it possible to accomplish the task, but highly probable!  The only thing that is impossible is trying to stop you!

I still have my vision. It is not dead. After the walls came crumbling down I thought it was, but just a few months later it started glimmering again. During these last few years I’ve been chasing that glimmer, but only by asking God for His guidance. In doing so I now see that it is MUCH different than I originally thought it to be. It is so much clearer now and it’s shining brighter than ever. No my vision is most certainly not dead. It is very much alive and well in my head and in my heart. I have no doubt that it was placed there by God and by seeking His wise council throughout, it will come to fruition. I have to be patient and act only when He says it’s time. If I find that I have to force something to happen, that’s a sure sign that it’s NOT the right time.
(UPDATE: To see this vision being put into action you can go check out my new design blog at www.RevYourRoom.com)

I think my whole Nehemiah journey has revealed to me that when you are praying and truthfully seeking God’s will, he will never let you fail. Even though at the time it seemed to me like I had failed. I thought that I must have completely missed the mark of His calling or I would have surely succeeded! I've discovered that when you make decisions based on what you think He is telling you to do, they are always the right decisions. I’m not saying you can never go wrong, I’m just saying that God can and will make all things right when you are honestly pursuing His will. You may feel like you made the wrong decision because it did not produce the outcome that you thought it would or should, but it was right in God’s eyes. I don’t think I was wrong to buy a new house. I don’t think I was wrong to pursue a different career path or to consult the bible. All of my perceived “failures” forced me to turn to Him and to realize that He is the only way to truly be successful in this life. To Him my decisions led to success! They brought me closer to Him.

Anne says it very eloquently on Pg. 26, “We are set apart to accomplish His purposes for our lives, not our own.” She later goes on to say, “He will grant you success in His Purposes for your life.”

After participating in my first bible study ever, I can now confidently say that God has completely restored my walls. Hopefully I am now better prepared for the next time they come tumbling down.

Fun Fact from my Full-Circle Moment
While writing this series I stumbled across something interesting. I remembered that in the Intro of the study, Anne had said that she found Nehemiah by accident. She had been studying prayer throughout scripture and got to a verse in Nehemiah when God prompted her to read his whole story. She had not set out to write a bible study, but that’s what resulted from her willingness to go where God called – Thank you Anne! So just a few days ago, out of curiosity, I asked her when she first accidentally found Nehemiah. Her answer…

“March 2007.” – I know!!!...EXACTLY the same time that I found him! Isn’t it so cool when you get a glimpse of how God knits everything together!  He’s AWESOME!!!

Thank you for reading my blog!  I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and that you are abundantly blessed in the New Year!!! 

My Boyfriend's Back - NEH Part III

“Dear God,
Thank you so much for reintroducing me to Nehemiah. Please forgive me for not digging deep enough the first time you introduced us. I am sure I could have avoided a lot of heartache. Instead I just took what I wanted from what you were showing me and ran ahead with my own plans. I know that you have already forgiven me as evidenced by your constant support and unfailing love. It’s been an awesome journey and I can’t wait for you to reveal more of your plan for my life! Thank you for never forsaking me! Amen!”

As you already know from NEH Part I and II of my blog, I hit a pretty rough patch. I honestly thought that I was being obedient to God and His plans for my life. When the walls crumbled and I found myself unemployed, I was in a state of shock, and I was embarrassed. I’d put myself out there. I didn’t play it safe, and besides hurting my pride, now our entire financial life was in ruins. I started to second guess every decision I’d made up to that point. Maybe I wasn’t really hearing from God at all. But after I called out to Him and started to obey His commands by being patient a strange thing happened…I found peace!

Which brings us to today (well actually a few months ago) – I found out through Facebook that one of my friends from high-school, Anne Resler, wrote a bible study (yes she wrote it – impressive I know!). And guess what it’s about?...Nehemiah! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read about it. Up to this point I had kind of forgotten about Nehemiah. He was like an old boyfriend who did me wrong and I really didn’t want to think back to that time - too many bad memories. But here he was again, knockin’ on my door, asking to come in. I couldn’t resist, I let him in.

Anne doesn’t live here anymore, so when a good friend of hers who does offered to lead the bible study, I jumped at the chance to participate. I had never participated in a bible study before, but I signed up anyway…I mean how could I not? For ten weeks we thoroughly explored the entire book of Nehemiah, which I’m now sure is what I should have done in the first place. He really is an inspiration and I can’t believe I gave up on him so easily. I have learned so much by studying God’s word through his story.

The bible study is titled, “Rising from the Ruins – Restoring the Broken Places of Our Lives.” It starts out asking us to really examine our own “ruins”. At this point I didn’t really think I had any ruins that were still in need of repair. As my story has told, I’ve been walking with God and thought that my wounds had been healed, my walls rebuilt. I had found my peace. But after going through this journey with Nehemiah I realized that they had not been completely restored. After studying his WHOLE story I have a much better understanding of my missteps along the way and why things went the way they did. I want to share with you just a few of the things that Nehemiah has taught me:

Patience
Looking back on my ruins always made me think that I’d done something wrong, disobeyed God, but what I’ve found is that it is quite the opposite. God would ask me to take a step in faith and I would obey. Except instead of taking one step, I’d take four! I was trying to take over for God…not being patient. It just never moved fast enough for me. If I was experiencing something painful, I just wanted to get through it as fast as possible so I could be done with it. Like a band-aid – just rip it off real fast so it doesn’t hurt as much! If it was something good that I was excited about, I just wanted to skip right to it…start instantly living the good life! When things didn’t go the way I thought they should, I immediately thought it was a course correction, like I hadn’t heard God right at all. I thought I’d made a mistake. What I wasn’t accounting for was that God knows the bigger picture and if I trust Him, He will use all things for good. I had not been trusting Him!

Anne makes such a good point in her study on Pg. 11 where she says, “God is sovereign and He always has a plan for the waiting. When He calls us to a time of waiting, it is always for His greater purpose in our life. Our passion cannot run ahead of God’s provision or the plan will become ours, not God’s.”

That’s exactly what I had been doing – running ahead, making it MY plan! To drive this point home even further, she says on Pg. 22, “[Nehemiah] did all of the groundwork and had everything in place BEFORE he shared what God put in his heart to do for Jerusalem.” She was referring to this verse:

NEH 2:11-12
“I went to Jerusalem, and after staying there three days I set out during the night with a few men. I had not told anyone what my God had put in my heart to do for Jerusalem…”

What?! Good to know! I could have used that information about four years ago! Remember the first time I visited NEH I was directed to 2:17-18, which told me that I should “share” my vision with others. So that’s exactly what I did and we know how that turned out. Funny thing is if I had done a little more due diligence and read the five or six verses prior to those, things might have worked out quite differently. By not being patient and trying to speed things up myself, I only succeeded at drastically slowing them down! If I had only trusted God the first time he told me to be patient, I probably could have realized my dream already and moved on to an even bigger one!

God is Our Protector and Defender
In examining my ruins I was reminded of another test of my faith which occurred while I was learning about patience. Practically every time I would tell someone my job-loss story they would respond the same way:

“Are you going to sue? They can’t get away with that? They owe you.”

To be honest, I really contemplated it. I even consulted with a lawyer who thought that I had a pretty solid case, but at what price? I asked myself what I really had to gain besides maybe a year’s worth of pay from a broken promise, and who knew how long that would take. It could be a slow, stressful process, not exactly good for a pregnant lady. And who exactly would I be getting back? Ultimately I would only end up hurting the one person that had been on my side through the whole ordeal – one of my favorite people, my old-boss. The others that had contributed to my ruination wouldn’t suffer a bit - they didn’t own the company. It would be no skin off their backs. Nope! - I decided to leave it in God’s hands, not the court’s, to serve justice and to bring me and my family through this difficult financial time. He is the higher power! I’m positive that’s what He wanted me to do, because He’s been taking great care of us ever since.

During this study I realized that this part of my story is a perfect example of God as defender. The bible says in Proverbs 18:10, “The name of the LORD is a strong tower, the righteous run to it and are safe.”

This image is so beautiful to me, especially when Anne ties it together with Nehemiah’s efforts to rebuild the wall. She says on Pg. 33, “Just as the physical structure of a tower along a city wall was proposed for protection, defense, and safeguarding a city, scripture teaches us that our LORD God does the same for us…[He is] our Protector, Defender, and the one who Safeguards us in our journey. He is positioned next to our weak and vulnerable places [just like the towers are positioned next to the gates in the wall].” On Pg. 35 she goes on to call Him our “escort” – “He protects us. He defends us. Whatever we need to carry out His cause on the earth. He will be our divine escort on the journey. He is our personal armed guard.” Looking back I can definitely see that He has escorted me safely out of many difficult situations (remember my first business venture)!

When I was suddenly left job-less I felt many emotions. Besides being scared for the future, I felt angry and humiliated! How could they break their promise like that? I wanted them to pay. I wanted to defend myself and send a message that they couldn’t treat me like that and just get away with it unscathed. I wanted to sue them! But thankfully I was already trusting God and He gave me the peace I needed to deal with all of those emotions. Who knows – if I had decided to take matters of justice into my own hands I might still be dealing with that mess today. Ugh - that would suck!  Looking back, I now know that making the decision to let God do the defending and protecting for me, was the final piece to finding my peace.

And there actually was some redemption when the tail that was wagging the dog fell off anyway. About three months after my “trial”, two of my main objectors, the ones that everyone was trying so hard to please, left the firm anyway and started their own. Ahhh – a little sweet justice! And just think if I had actually started working there, I would have been blamed for that! There is a God and He is good! I’m so glad I trusted Him. He knows what is best for me, and that was not it!

My next post will be the fourth and final one of the series. I have a little bit more to share about what I’ve learned from Nehemiah and then I promise I’ll wrap it up. I hope you are finding it inspiring…or something! Be on the lookout for Nehemiah’s Grand Finale – NEH Part IV.

Screw Nehemiah - NEH Part II

“Dear God,
How could you LET this happen? I thought I was doing exactly what you wanted me to do. I thought I was obeying. I started going to church, I stopped borrowing money, I’ve been tithing faithfully for years…what am I supposed to do now? Why would you lead me to Nehemiah and inspire and encourage me like that? I went for it. I stepped out in faith to rebuild my own personal wall and did more harm than good. You know what – screw Nehemiah! I’m sorry God but I’m upset! The ruins are now worse and I don’t know how to fix them! Please help me - help me understand what I’m doing wrong. I know that I can’t make it through this without you, but apparently I’m not hearing you very well. Show me what I’m missing. What have I done to cause this to happen? Please forgive me for whatever it is and thank you for loving me regardless – Amen!”

Monday, September 17, 2007 – I sat there stunned, alone in my car, tears falling onto the phone in my lap. Seriously…what just happened? I was dressed for work and ready to go. I had just dropped my daughter off at school, kindergarten, where she would go for half a day and then catch a bus over to daycare. I wasn’t thrilled with this arrangement, but it’s what you’ve got to do when you’re a working mom right?

*If you haven’t already read How I Met Nehemiah – NEH Part I, posted on Dec. 17, 2010, I suggest you do so now.

So back to 2007…I was supposed to start my new job that day, the new job that I had totally conceived of and created for myself. The new, bigger, better job that I thought was a blessing from God since He’s the one who gave me the vision in the first place. And then I even consulted His advice by turning to the bible. And there was my answer right there, under the word “Vision”, the ONLY reference was to Nehemiah 2:17-18. So I took ol’ Nehemiah’s example and ran with it. I mean it just doesn’t get any clearer than that does it?! Then tell me, how could I have possibly just heard those words from one of my favorite people in the world?...

“I’m going to have to rescind my offer”, said my old-boss who was supposed to be my new-boss starting that very day.

Once again, the walls were crumbling. I can’t say that it was a total surprise. I’d had a foreshadowing the week before, but I never thought it would turn out like this. When word at the company had gotten around that I would be returning there was some serious push-back. Unlike Nehemiah, I was failing to inspire with my vision. Apparently people really don’t like change and I was coming back with plans to make all kinds of changes. In my talks with the principal partners we had anticipated this reaction to some degree but I was told they were not running a democracy and that their word was final. Anyone opposed would just have to learn to deal with it. Obviously that was not reality and they had a serious case of the tail wagging the dog! The week before, the masses had started to protest so loudly with their pitchforks in hand, that an emergency meeting was called.

In attendance: Me, my old-boss, the other two principals, a designer (who used to work for me and was apparently none-too-thrilled with our new arrangement - looking back I can't really say that I blame her), two other architects and the marketing person (none of whom I’d ever worked with before but they all thought I was stepping on their toes in a big way!)

I will forever refer to this meeting as “My Trial”. Now I’ve never actually been on trial, but this is what I imagine it would feel like. The trial took place in the living room of one of the principal’s homes, and even though he had previously approved of my hiring, he had now taken up the neutral position of what he called “mediator” (you don’t want to know what I called it)! We were all sort of sitting in a circle around the room but it was really more like an egg-shape with me and my old-boss sitting at the smaller end facing the surrounding angry mob. I was like the criminal on trial and he was my counsel, not only defending me, but also his decision to hire me.

After a couple of hours of cross-examination, we concluded the trial with no real verdict. Everyone decided that they would continue to deliberate over the remainder of the week. I was leaving the next day on a short family vacation, and would not be back until the weekend. I was supposed to start work the following Monday so my old-boss and I agreed that I would call first before showing up to work.

You already know what happened on that call. I was suddenly unemployed with a new, bigger, better mortgage and a second baby on the way. How are we going to pay for all this? I was virtually unemployable for the next nine months. Let’s face it, nobody wants to hire someone that can’t travel too far and is then going to take leave for three months!

So as I continued to cry and pray, I asked Him,

“What do you want me to do? Whatever it is, I will do it!” What I heard in response was,

“Trust me. Be patient. I will let you know when you need to act. Until then accept this time as a gift”.

Hmm, I like gifts.  “Okay, I’ll be patient”, I said somewhat skeptical, “But you’re going to have to help me explain this to my husband, my family, my friends, and anyone else who might think that I have totally lost it!”

“Done!” He said, and then He reminded me that my old-boss had offered me a month’s pay of my would-have-been salary for all of the turmoil.

“Trust me”, He repeated, “It’s enough. Be patient.”

This wasn’t the first time that He told me to be patient, but I think it was the first time that I actually listened. And let me just say that it went against every fiber of my being to not be out there trying to fix the situation. But God proved Himself faithful when that money turned out to be EXACTLY what we needed to get us through to the end of the year. And then my husband got his year-end bonus, the biggest one he’d ever had, and along with some careful planning, that was enough to get us through to the next year!

It was at this point that I realized that I could completely trust God. Just like he walked us out of the mess I created with my first business venture, he would walk us out of this one - a mess that was created by the hurt from the loss of my baby. Rather than being patient and allowing Him to heal that hurt, I ran as fast as I could away from that pain in pursuit of the better plans that He had promised.

Realizing that I was not able to fix ANYthing (I was actually making things worse), and knowing that we had enough money for a little while, allowed me to relax and let go. I quit worrying about getting a job (which was a little unnerving for my husband as he now shouldered all of the financial responsibility) and started to see this time as exactly what it was - a GIFT! Now I would have more time to spend with my daughter. She wouldn’t have to go to aftercare anymore (remember - I was less than impressed with that arrangement anyway)! I could rest and just focus on having a happy pregnancy and a healthy baby. And that’s exactly what I did, giving birth to my beautiful son on Valentine’s Day of all days!

He is now almost three years old. We still live in our new, bigger, better house and we have not had to borrow any more money to do so. As a matter of fact, we are poised to be completely debt-free (except for the house) very soon. I must mention that my husband is an excellent provider and he has been keeping the faith right along with me!  The past three years have been nothing short of a miracle. We are so blessed and these trials that we continue to go through have made our marriage even stronger and brought our family closer together. God really does know what He is doing. I am now perfectly content to let Him handle things!

You may be wondering what happened to my relationship with Nehemiah. Do I still hold a grudge against him for leading me so astray? How does my story inspire anyone to consult the bible when looking for answers? When I went there I found him, but following his example certainly didn’t seem to work out at all! Well stay tuned for my next post because, My Boyfriend’s Back – NEH Part III.

How I Met Nehemiah - NEH Part I

“Dear God,
Thank you for giving me a vision and the understanding that I need to share my vision with others. Thank you that this sharing has resulted in a new job for me with better pay, more responsibility and control, and also the resources and ability to bring my vision to light! Thank you for introducing me to Nehemiah. I am inspired by his pursuit of his vision to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem. I am ready to start my own rebuilding. Amen!”

I was introduced to Nehemiah in March 2007 which resulted in this prayer a few months later. Over the last four years he has taken me on quite a journey, meaning there is no possible way to cover it in just one blog post. So I’ll hit the high points and skip the details because they can make up entire testimonials on there own. This is Part I of a four-part series. My intent is to post them all a few days apart, before the end of the year (2010). So let’s get started...

God and I had grown quite close over the past few years. I had started a franchise remodeling business and had borrowed a lot of money to do it. It didn’t take long to realize I was in way over my head. It was then that I really started seeking God’s guidance. I’d always believed in Him and prayed to Him, but never really consulted Him on what I should be doing. To be quite honest I didn’t even know that I was supposed to. Up to that point I could count on one hand the number of times I’d attended a church service. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that when I finally did ask Him what to do, He sent me to church.

I loved church and through my growing relationship with God, I started to understand that I had to get out of this business venture. Being in debt is never a good thing and in order to stay afloat we would have to borrow even more money. The stakes were becoming too high for our family. I consulted God every step of the way. Almost immediately I had a buyer for my franchise, debt was being forgiven, a new tenant resumed my office lease, and on top of all that, a new job fell right into my lap without me even looking for it. God provided the path, took my hand, and escorted me right out of that mess with hardly a scratch, proving once again that He never abandons.

Although my new job was not exactly a perfect fit, I just knew God had me there for a reason. After all, we were close to being out of debt and thrilled to find out that baby number two was on the way. And then I had a life-altering experience. At 8 weeks, I lost our baby…CRASH! My walls were crumbling! I thought I was doing everything right. I didn’t understand and I asked God,

“Why are you punishing me?”

“I’m not,” He replied. “I just have different, better plans for you. Be patient.”

Well as someone who likes to think they're in control, I’m not very patient…and what could be better than a baby? After my miscarriage I was in such a funk that I downright despised going to work. I mean really what was the point? So in my typical, not-so-patient fashion, I set about to create a point. I decided that we needed a new, bigger, better, house. Yes – this would surely fix everything! If I couldn’t have my baby then by gosh the rest of my life was going to look the way I wanted!

Then in the midst of that process I decided I also needed a new bigger, better, job. In my mind a vision was forming. I was heading up my own interior design firm (if you don’t already know, I am a professional interior designer). I was full of ideas about how interior designers and architects could work together more cohesively, not only to design better projects but also make them more profitable. I was certain this vision was from God. I mean surely if His better plans didn’t include a baby they must include a successful career, right?!

After some pondering I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t have any money and I’d already learned that it’s never wise to borrow it. So I decided to try something new. I consulted God’s word. Yep – it only took me 35 years to figure out that I should crack open a bible every now and then.

Not really knowing what I was doing, I looked up the word “vision” in the back of the bible. There was only one reference which read,

“inspire others with yours…NEH 2:17-18.”

This is the precise moment that Nehemiah entered my life. If you’re not familiar with Nehemiah (I’d never even heard of him), he is from the Old Testament and was responsible for bringing God’s chosen people back together to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem. To sum up verses 17-18, he basically has a conversation with city officials telling them that although the city lies in ruins, the gracious hand of God had been upon him and that it was time to rebuild the wall. The city officials agreed, so they began the good work.

It was a nice passage, but what really got me was the Cliff’s Notes at the bottom of the page, you know, that running commentary written by someone way smarter than you to basically translate the message that God wants you to know. From the Life Application Study Bible, New Living Translation, this is what it said:

“Spiritual renewal often begins with one person’s vision. Nehemiah had a vision, and he shared it with enthusiasm, inspiring Jerusalem’s leaders to rebuild the walls. We frequently underestimate people and don’t challenge them with our dreams for God’s work in the world. When God plants an idea in your mind to accomplish something for him, share it with others and trust the Holy Spirit to impress them with similar thoughts. Don’t regard yourself as the only one through whom God is working. Often God uses one person to express the vision and others to turn it into reality. When you encourage and inspire others, you put teamwork into action to accomplish God’s goals.”

So that was it! In order to rebuild my own personal wall I needed to share my vision with others, and I knew just the right person - my old-boss. He’s a principal partner at the architectural firm where I got my start right out of college and worked my way up to being an associate partner. I had left on good terms choosing to spend more time with my newborn daughter. We had kept in touch since my departure and he knew all about my business venture (and failure) and my new job. He was and still is one of my favorite people on the planet, so of course he was the perfect person with which to share my vision. Not only is he a visionary himself, but he could provide the resources that I would need to put this plan into action.

So I called him up, we had a meeting, he was intrigued. He asked me to put together a brief business plan outlining my proposal that he could take to the other partners. I did. He shared, which kicked off a round of various interview type meetings over the course of the next six months. Finally in August he hired me to head up a new interior design branch of the firm. Implementing my ideas, we were going to take it in a whole new direction. I was to start in September.

During that same six months we sold our old house and moved into the new, bigger, better one. We also unexpectedly (and much to our delight) got pregnant again and passed that iffy first trimester. I was flying high! A new house, a baby on the way, and a new higher-paying job that was more suited to my talents. God had placed a vision in my heart and by seeking His will through His word I had obeyed and doors had been opened. I just knew we were going to be wildly successful, I mean with God on my side, what could possibly go wrong?...To be continued in Part II – Screw Nehemiah!

It's Time to Say Grace!

“Dear God,
Thank you for providing us with this beautiful meal. And thank you for all of our family and friends, especially those here at this table and also those that could not be with us today. Thank you for loving us and blessing us. And thank you so much for sending us your one and only son so that we may live these extraordinary lives. It is in His name we pray – Amen!”

At least that’s how I remember it. It was short and sweet, not the most eloquent prayer ever, but nonetheless the best one I’ve ever delivered. You see, yesterday (Nov. 25, 2010) was Thanksgiving and it’s the first time in all my 39 years that I’ve ever said grace or even prayed out loud, alone, in front of a group of people. Some of you may be shocked by this because you pray out loud for people all the time. It just comes naturally to you, almost like breathing. Well let me clue you in on the fact that there is a whole other group of people out there, Christ followers even like me that break out in a cold sweat just at the thought of praying out loud!

If you haven’t figured out from my blog yet, I pray by myself all the time. It’s like I have this on-going conversation with God all day long. From when I wake in the morning to when I go to bed at night. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not implying that I am a perfect pray-er, far from it, and some days I’m better than others. But even though I talk to Him a lot, I often forget to actually consult Him first – duh! Or I start talking to Him when I need something – sound familiar? But for the most part I feel like He is my best friend that I can share with at anytime. I mean I might as well right? He knows what I’m thinking and feeling anyway so I might as well purposely include Him in my internal dialogue. I know when I do it always helps me keep a clear head and make the best decisions possible.

So my point to all of this is that it may seem strange that I’ve never prayed out loud in front of others even to say grace. I guess I feel like my relationship with God is very personal and I’m very protective of it. I don’t really want to include others in it. Kind of like when you’re a teenager (immature) and you don’t want your best friend to have any other friends besides you. But as I’ve become a more “mature” Christian I’ve realized that God wants me to share this special relationship because it is available to everyone. And unlike our earthly relationships, He is capable of being there for all us, one-on-one, anytime, anywhere, for as long as we want. After all He is God – I mean He only created us!

So when I woke up yesterday morning I started praying about something, totally unrelated to Thanksgiving, that’s set to happen next week and I’ve been worrying about it. I don’t like to worry, so I usually just take it to God to release me of it. He has this awesome way of giving me peace. So as I’m praying about it, out of the blue He just tells me that I need to say grace today at lunch.

What?! Where’d that come from? We’re talking about next week! Not today’s meal…I’m not worried about today.

But therein lies the beauty of the situation, I stopped worrying about next week, because I was now worried about what I was going to say today at grace!  Ha – what a sense of humor our God has. But I actually didn’t worry about it too much because once I got out of bed I was busy preparing for the meal up to the time. So I obeyed Him and I said it and I don’t think anyone even blinked an eye over it. I’m probably the only one who felt the least bit uncomfortable about it, with the exception of my daughter who leaned over and whispered to me,

“What did you just do?”

“I prayed!” I hissed back, embarrassed that she didn’t even recognize what I was doing.

“Oh” she said, “I didn’t do it.” Probably because her mind was so busy trying to figure out what had come over her mother!

So the real moral of the story is that I did it and I’m glad because EVERY time I obey God it benefits me - maybe not immediately, but eventually. In this case I believe I got the immediate satisfaction about not worrying about next week. It’s useless anyway, just like the bible says:

Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:34 NLT)

So today I woke up thinking about how profound the whole situation had been and again He called me to action. He told me to blog about it and share my story with you all! I believe the lesson here is to always be thankful and obey God (which is something that He constantly has to remind me)! He knows what’s best for us! It’s been a wonderful Thanksgiving, I hope for you all as well! – Thank you God for everything!

Forgive My Fear

“Dear God,
Thank you so much for all of the blessings that you give to me and my family. Please forgive me for my guilt, my fear, my lack of faith. Please forgive me because I’m grateful that it didn’t happen to me!”

This is probably not going to be my greatest post of all time, mostly because I don’t even want to write it. I just want to stop thinking about it - It being death. But I can’t and I won’t be able to move on to the next post (something I actually want to think about) until I’ve gotten this one out of my head and off of my heart. So here it goes…

This has probably been the worst summer ever. Not for me, but for a lot of people I know. I know 3 people that have died this summer, 3 unrelated, individual deaths. I did not know any of them on a real personal level, not even well enough to attend their funerals. But I am close to some of the people they left behind and it is those people, their loved ones that I can’t get off my mind. They are the ones that I pray for. They are the ones my heart breaks for. They are the ones that have been occupying the space in mind that is prone to worry and ponder. How will they go on? How will they pick themselves up and continue to live life?

So as I pay my respect to the following dearly departed, I also pray for their loved ones that have been left behind, shattered - People whom I also love.

A 13-year old boy. My friend’s grandson, killed in an ATV accident on Memorial weekend. I don’t know the rest of the family at all, but I know he left behind his mom and dad and 16-year old sister. I can’t stop thinking about what I would have done had I lost my little brother when I was only 16. My heart especially breaks for her.

A dad. A grandpa. My close friend’s father-in-law, killed by an inoperable brain tumor. His first symptoms and diagnosis at the beginning of June. Gone before August. I do not know my friend’s husband well, but my heart goes out to him. I can’t even imagine what it feels like to lose a parent, especially when you are close like they were - Like me and my parents are.

A husband. A young dad – 35. My brother’s best friend’s brother, killed in a medical helicopter accident. He was a flight nurse on his way to save someone else. He died tragically, yet honorably. My brother grew up with both of them and they were only one year apart. They continued to be friends until this day. My brother was with his friend, fishing, when his parents called to let him know about the accident. Again, I’m not close to the young man’s family, but I am close to my brother, and he is hurting. What if that happened to my best friend…my brother, my husband, my son?

I know that all 3 are in a far better place, finally free of their earthly shackles. It is all of those who loved them, left behind, that I now pray for. I have lifted them up in prayer what seems like a hundred times. But it doesn’t matter how many times I do it, it won’t change what happened. I wish it would. And I feel guilty because while I mean what I’m praying for them, I can’t stop thinking, “I’m glad it isn’t me”! And then I enter a downward shame spiral over the fact that that’s what I’m thinking! Only then the guilt turns to fear, because I know that someday it is going to be me. Someday I will be the one to suffer the unthinkable loss. My world shattered. My daily existence, the core of my being, altered forever. And someday I will be the one to die, shattering and altering my loved ones forever. It is a thought which I can hardly stand. And I’m left with the inevitable truth that it doesn’t matter how blessed I am, how grateful I am, how sinful I am, how obedient I am. How fat or thin I am, how rich or poor I am. Death is an inescapable part of life and we will all be touched by it.

I have experienced death of a love one before, but never of the same magnitude as these 3 - Never a parent, a child, a brother, a close friend. In that way I have lived such a blessed life. I should thank God for that everyday, but sometimes I’m afraid, like if I actually start thanking Him I might call attention to the fact that I have never really experienced anything that life-shattering. I know that I do not deserve to escape such loss anymore than anyone else. If I remind God of this by thanking Him, maybe He will then decide it is my due. I know that is silly. God already knows exactly what I have and have not experienced and what I will experience in the future. I know He loves me and all of His children. I know that He has plans for me, to prosper me and not to harm me (Jeremiah 29:11). But still, sometimes the silly side of me wins.

So how do you deal with the truth of death once you’ve admitted it or actually experienced it? The only way I know of is to turn to God. To have faith that He has prepared a home for us infinitely better than this life. A home where God and all of our loved ones await our arrival for the greatest reunion of all time!

“Until then God, I humbly ask you to forgive me for the guilt, shame, and fear I have about death and will no doubt continue to have all the rest of my days. And as I know that you have already forgiven me, I too forgive you for the loss I will someday have to face. I have faith that whatever that loss looks like or feels like; I will be able to endure with you by my side. Thank you God for not giving me a spirit of fear; but one of power, and love, and of a sound mind! (2 Timothy 1:7).”

“I also want to especially pray that you continue to comfort and heal the hearts of those suffering the loss of Nick, Art, and Ryan! May they Rest in Peace! It is in Jesus name that I pray for them all – Amen!”

24 Hour Turnaround

“Dear God,
Please let something good happen to Tricia today! I woke up thinking (worrying) about her. She’s not doing so great. She’s been so faithful and patient throughout this trial and it just seems like one bad thing after another. I get the feeling that both her patience and her faith are starting to wane. Please give her something, ANYthing that will renew her strength and peace. Something that could only be from You. By no means am I trying to tell you how to do your job, but could you please make it today? She could really use a boost! Thank you for loving us! – Amen!”

If you’ve read my 1st post ever (Jan 2010) you know that Tricia is my best friend of 25 years. You also know that she went through a divorce and a month after finalizing that she was downsized from her job as a pharmaceutical rep. It was a conversation that we had that prompted me start this blog. If you haven’t already read that 1st post I encourage you to do so now. This is the follow-up.

I said the above prayer before getting out of bed one morning. At the time Tricia had been out of work for almost a year and the stress was really starting to get her down. Leads on jobs were few and far between. I wanted to call her right away to check on how she was doing, but thought I should probably give God at least a little time to work His magic. About 3 hours later my phone rang and it was her. I was just sure she was calling me with some good news. Even if it was just to say that she was in better spirits – I would consider that a prayer answered. So I picked up the phone…

“Hellooo…?” I said with anticipation.

“Oh my gosh! You’re never going to believe what happened to me!”

“What?” I asked, thinking this was going to be good!

“I went to take a bath this morning and when the tub was full I went to turn off the water but it wouldn’t turn off! It just kept running and running and I had to unplug the tub so that it wouldn’t overflow. Can you believe that? I mean how much worse can things get? There’s a plumber here right now trying to fix it.”

“Well…is he at least cute?” I asked trying to figure out an angle as to how this situation could be used for good.

“NO he’s not cute! Doesn’t the phrase ‘plumber’s crack’ mean anything to you? Plus it’s still early and he already smells like a sewer!”

At that we both burst out laughing! I mean seriously how much worse could it get?! By this point it was just comical! And then to add to the humor of it all, I told her about the prayer I’d said for her that morning (more laughter). As we tried to recover from our giggling she did manage to say that maybe I should keep my prayers to myself. Either that or be much more specific about what I wanted for her! Then she asked if she could call me back because the plumber needed to speak with her.

“OK” I said, “just breathe through your mouth!” – more giggles!

When she called back she was in much better spirits because not only had the plumber fixed the problem but he also fixed the leak that she’d had prior, and he did it all for under $200. We thought that was pretty good considering that it was an emergency call and she’d gotten more than she’d bargained for. So maybe that was the good thing. Or maybe this was a blessing in disguise because the weathermen were all predicting a severe snow/ice storm 100% to be moving in the next day. What if her faucet broke during that time? That would really be bad!

After we hung up I felt relieved that we had been able to find some humor in the moment and that it actually did turn out in her favor. I thanked God for that and went about my day. At about 4:00 that afternoon Tricia called again,

“Hellooo…?”

“Oh my gosh! You’re never going to believe what just happened to me!”

“Oh no”, I thought, “What now?”

“I just got a call from a friend of mine about a lead on a pharmaceutical position. He knows the hiring manager really well and can put in a good word for me, but I also know the hiring manager because he used to work for the same company as me, and the job sounds perfect! How’s that for something good happening to me today?”

“That’s awesome!” I replied.

“From now on I’m just going to send you a list everyday and I expect you to get busy praying since you seem to have a 24-hour turnaround!”

Tricia did in fact get that job and I take FULL credit (just kidding)! It was all her (with God of course!) and it wasn’t easy. It’s a really competitive environment to begin with, but right now there are a lot of talented, quality people out there looking for work. She went through several rounds of interviews and even came down with laryngitis on one of the most crucial days. But she had God’s favor and He proved that He can overcome ALL obstacles! He always provides exactly what we need, exactly when we need it!

As far as my “24 hour prayer turnaround” goes, she’s absolutely right! I am blessed with a direct line to God, but guess what? – so is she and so are you. I’m not saying that God always answers prayers exactly the way we want Him to, or even when we want Him to. But I know for certain that the moment we pray to Him (probably even before that), He starts working on the BEST solution for us, and only He knows what that is. We just have to have faith that He’s going to deliver the absolute greatest outcome with His own perfect timing. Often, this is a tough lesson in patience, but always worth the wait! I just got lucky with this particular prayer in that it happened to line up with His perfect will!

I recently asked Tricia if she felt like she had that one BIG testimony now. Her answer as I expected was “no”, but only because she came to realize that it isn’t really about that one BIG event. She feels like her particular testimony is more about her “time in the wilderness” as she calls it (referencing Matthew 4:1, KJV/ NLT), where she learned to be faithful, obedient, patient, and trusting of God. Her testimony is more about the journey, than a single event. It was a time in her life, that strange as it may seem, she will cherish forever as one of the best! The job was just the cherry on top! Amen for that!

God Bless This House

“Dear God,
Bless this house oh Lord I pray, keep it safe by night and day” – Amen

I added this prayer to my repertoire when I was a young teenager. I spent a few weeks every summer with my grandparents and my grandma had a set of coasters with prayers printed on them. For some reason this one stuck with me. Maybe because it was so easy to remember – short, straight to the point, and it rhymed! I’ve been reciting it almost daily since then. It also comes in handy during Oklahoma storm season when we are huddled in our under-stair closet/shelter (with our bike helmets on via Gary England’s recommendation), praying that the tornado doesn’t get us or our house. So far, so good!

I believe wholeheartedly in this prayer. I’m positive that it has kept us safe on many occasions and that there have been more close-calls than I’ll ever even know about. But last week I witnessed this prayer in action. Oklahoma City experienced its rainiest day in history! There was flooding like you wouldn’t believe and we were all advised to stay put and NOT to drive around in it. There were pictures on the news within a mile of my house showing mini-vans and SUVs submerged in water with only their roofs visible. It was CRAZY to say the least!!!

I went upstairs to look out my daughter’s window to see how much rain was gushing down our street. When I moved her curtains aside I was immediately hit in the face by dripping water. The rain was coming down so hard, so fast, and at just the right angle that it had found its way inside through the attic vent above her window. We had experienced this same leak shortly after moving in 3 years ago, but we’d had it “fixed” under our limited warranty. Well it obviously was NOT fixed, but this was the first time since then that it rained just the right way to find that leak again. I taped some plastic sheeting to the window to direct the water flow over the wood window sill and onto some towels that I placed on top of 2 large baking sheets to keep the carpet dry. Pretty smart I know, but it was actually my husband’s idea. He wasn’t home to do it himself, which I know just killed him because he thrives on being the Fixer of all things. He of course had driven to work because the laws of nature do not apply to him! :-) Anyway, after all that, I said a quick prayer for the rain to stop and to minimize the damage. The rain eventually slowed down and so did the dripping. I’d heard reports of a neighborhood less than ½-mile from mine where almost all the houses were flooded. I was feeling very fortunate that all we’d had was a leak which could be fixed – Praise God!

Later that afternoon we were still experiencing thunderstorms but the crazy rain subsided and the dripping had stopped. My kids were both upstairs. Rylin was playing on the computer right outside her room and JD was taking a nap. I was downstairs in the kitchen emptying the dishwasher when there was the loudest clap of thunder I’ve ever heard. I jumped so high I’m surprised that I didn’t drop a dish! The power flickered on and off and I realized that there had been some sort of explosion accompanying that thunder. It was quiet – TOO quiet! Why weren’t the kids screaming like they normally would at thunder alone? I started running up the stairs.

“Rylin?...” I yelled nervously.

“Yeah?...Mommy, what was that?” I heard in a small, scared little voice. Relief washed through me! She was okay!

“I’m not sure baby. Did you hear an explosion too?”

“Yes!  And I saw sparks out the window”.

Sparks! Uh oh, not good! I looked in her room and the window header that had been leaking was now hanging down and there was a sort of foggy haze floating around her room accompanied by a sick, burnt smell. I immediately went to gather my son, still in his sleepy daze. We hurriedly started down the stairs.

“Rylin go get your shoes on, quick!” I said while I went to get our puppy and put her in the backyard for the moment.

“Why? What happened? Why are you acting like that?”

“I think our house was struck by lightning!”

I dialed 911 and looked out the window to see if I could see anything. A fascia board from the top of the house was now in my front yard along with bits of brick. Oh my! The fireman told me they’d be there in a couple of minutes and to wait for them by the front door. I figured this was so we could make a quick escape if there was a fire, so I decided to strap the kids in the minivan and wait with the garage door opened. The firemen arrived right before I was headed to get the puppy from the backyard to load her into her car crate. I never had to because thank Heaven there was no fire. One fireman did tell me though that the lightning had struck the roof peak over the window and then probably traveled down through the water that had pooled at the leak, which then blew out that header and exploded through one of Rylin’s wall outlets in her built-in cabinet. He opened the white cabinet door to show me. The inside was completely black. Then another fireman who was up in the attic said,

“Hey man, you gotta come check this out! It’s pretty cool!”

Somehow I don’t think the words “pretty cool” would be how I would describe anything concerning this event – “horrific” maybe, “terrifying” perhaps! But I know he deals with scary, life-threatening situations all the time, so if it’s just “pretty cool” to him, I know I lucked out!

So today I’m definitely counting my blessings. It was a mass of melted wires and some 2x4’s that had been completely blown in half. But it’s all totally repairable and covered by insurance (minus a deductible of course). All the electrical has been fixed and checked to make sure it will not start a fire. The air-conditioner and the cable are back in working order (yeah! – two summer necessities when it’s this HOT outside!), and most importantly, nobody was hurt!

In the midst of the firemen being here, I went to check on the kids (remember - buckled in the mini-van?) and Rylin says,

“Your phone was ringing so I answered it. It was Daddy but I told him you couldn’t talk right now because you were with the firemen because the house had been struck by lightning. He said he’s coming home right now”.

Haha! She was so matter-of-fact. Poor Jace! His second opportunity in a day to manage a crisis and he’d missed it! Not really though, I packed up the kids and bunked at mom’s for 2 days and just let him go at it. He was in his element dealing with the aftermath. Oh, I need to count him as another blessing! I’ve lost count of what number that is! And one more for the list…since the lightning occurred in and damaged the exact same area where the leak was, it will be fixed in the process as well! Coincidence?...I don’t think so! It’s the power of prayer baby!

Thank you for blessing this house (Oh Lord I pray)! Please (continue to) keep it safe by night and day!!! - Amen

God Give Me the Eyes to See

“OK God – here it goes…
Please heal my eyes! I’m 34 years old and starting to feel like I look all of it. When I started wearing glasses at age 26 I liked them because they made me look older (and oh so much wiser)…now I hate them because they make me look older! I also hate to wear contacts because they really bother me and I do not have the money for laser eye-surgery. So I’m boldly asking you to miraculously heal me or help me find the money for the surgery – something, anything so that I can ditch these glasses and start to feel attractive again. Thank you in advance and I pray to have a blessed week! – Amen”

Yes, I am fully aware of how preposterous this prayer sounds. I was fully aware of it when I prayed it. But here’s the thing – I had just finished reading a book called The Blessing of Favor, by Kate McVeigh, and it was a real eye-opener (pardon the pun). Up to this point I’d always known that God loves me, provides for me, and looks out for my best interest. What I did not know was that I had been limiting God’s presence in my life by only praying about what I considered to be the major things – like family, health, relationships, finances, etc. In this book I was shown that God wants to be present in ALL things in your life, even the silly and seemingly insignificant. If you think about it, what kind of message are we sending to God by not involving Him in everything? Am I really showing Faith that He will deliver on the BIG things if I do not even trust Him with the little things?

I used to feel guilty about bothering God with my petty little problems, especially when compared to the atrocities of this world; I’ve got it pretty darn good! I used to think that God doesn’t have time for this. He has much bigger problems to handle. Not to mention that I didn’t want to seem unappreciative of the wonderful life that I lead. But this book revealed to me a simple truth:

If it is important to me, then it is important to Him!

What I wasn’t accounting for is that God is much, much bigger than this world and all of its problems. My relationship with Him is personal and there is enough of Him to go around to everyone! I was unknowingly diminishing Him by not acknowledging His almighty power and His desire for intimacy with each and every one of us. The book challenged us to give it all to God, even the little things. If we feel that we need or even just want something – Ask! You know the old adage, “Ask and you shall receive” (And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive - Matthew 21:22 NKJV).

So therein lay my problem…not only did I have to get over feeling like a narcissistic brat to ask such a thing, but I also had to believe that I would receive it. You just saw my prayer; I was having a hard time believing that some miracle was going to be provided to heal my eyes. But in order to really put this so-called-truth to the test, I had to come up with something that was important to me, yet rather trivial to the world, and it had to be something absurd enough that if it came to pass the only explanation would be God!

I prayed that prayer on a Saturday night. When I awoke on Sunday my eyes were miraculously healed – just kidding! Nothing had changed. My vision was exactly the same, so I put on my glasses and went about my morning. I decided to go to the bookstore, so I packed up my then 4 year old daughter and headed off. When I pulled into the parking lot I realized that I did not have on a stitch of make-up, zip, zero, zilch! You have to understand, I NEVER go anywhere without at least some concealer, mascara, and lip gloss. Even then I usually don’t plan to get out of the car. Ugh! I’m still not sure how I could have forgotten this fact, especially considering how unattractive I’d been feeling lately anyway because of the whole glasses issue!

But I was already there and still feeling pretty vain about the prayer I’d had the audacity to pray. So I decided to make it a quick in-and-out. That was forgetful mistake #2; nothing is quick when you’re hauling around a 4 year old! I was done with my business in less than 5 minutes, but my daughter had spotted the toy train set-up and protested very loudly when I tried to breeze on past it without so much as a glance. Not wanting to call any unnecessary attention to my unmade-up self, I stopped for a minute to let her play.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone approaching me with a look of recognition on her face…"Of course!” I thought, “Someone I know has spotted me”. But as she approached, clearly to speak to me, I realized that I did not know her. This very pretty young woman walked right up to me and very purposefully and directly said:

“You have a beautiful daughter.” Okaaay – not the first time I’d ever heard this…

“Thank you”, I said, somewhat creeped out by her intense eye-to-eye contact. But it’s what she said next that sent a shiver down my spine:

“And you look really pretty in your glasses.”

Whaaaaat?! Who says stuff like that to complete strangers? Not only did I NOT look pretty that day…but why would you add “in your glasses”?! I was so shocked by her words that I only half caught what she said next,

“I was Miss Teen something or other…back in 19…, and I know pretty!”

I’m not sure if I even thanked her in that moment. I’m fairly certain I was speechless. But just as quickly as she’d approached me, she turned to leave, adding as she walked away:

“Have a blessed week!”

I know!!! To say that I was stunned would be an understatement! I have no doubt that God spoke directly to me through this woman. The reason it was SO amazing and that I know 100% that it was God is because she used the exact words that I’d used in my prayer, and He was the only one who’d heard them. I believe God was just letting me know that what is important to me IS most definitely important to Him. And although He didn’t answer my prayer exactly the way I’d hoped, He definitely let me know that He was listening and He cared! He may not have healed my eyes, but He healed my heart. He let me know that I was beautiful in His eyes, and that’s all that matters. Since that day I’ve never cared about wearing my glasses. In fact, I wear them proudly!

God Is In the Strangest Places!

“Dear God, I have been feeling sorry for myself. I’m tired of praying. I’ve been doing it for awhile now and for the first time that I can really remember it’s becoming clear that those prayers will not be answered. At least not the way I would like for them to be. I must admit I’ve been feeling pretty abandoned. Where have you been? I thought I could always count on you. Why are you letting this happen?”

I don’t know that I actually said this as a prayer. But I do remember that is how I felt for a long time after my dad left in the summer between my freshman and sophomore year of college. My parents had actually announced their divorce 6 months prior. To say it was a shock would be putting it mildly. I’d been fortunate enough to grow up and graduate with both my parents seemingly, happily married. How did this happen? Apparently a lot had transpired over the past year of which I was completely oblivious. I had been wrapped up in prom and high school graduation. After that I was completely immersed in being a college freshman and a sorority pledge. Life was good! But during my first winter break my parents dropped the divorce bombshell and my dad moved out – for a day. And then for whatever reason, he changed his mind, returning the next day, apologizing, and saying that he had made a mistake and that he and my mom were going to work it out. I believed him and returned to college trying to live out my freshman year in ignorant bliss (a.k.a. denial). I remember a friend of mine bluntly saying to me,

“You know they’re going to get divorced don’t you?”

And as mad as I was at him for saying that – he was right. I was devastated.

There is obviously a lot more to this story, but rather than dwell on the depressing details, I’d like to focus on the turn around. The moment I began to heal. I can pinpoint it exactly, the instant when God reached out to me and said,

“I’m here and I will never leave you”.

It was late into fall semester sophomore year. I had been really down and somewhat withdrawn. I went home every weekend to make sure my brother and mom were okay and to just be close to them. I refused to speak to my dad. I did not invite him to the University’s Dad’s Day. I was angry, not only at him, but also at God. I stopped talking to Him too. He was no longer invited into my life either. But here’s where I learned one of the greatest lessons about His love…He’s not that easy to get away from! Let me just say that God shows up in the most unexpected places –

Like the bathroom stall at my sorority house. I know it’s not a pleasant visual but I’m sure that it was only #1!  Anyway, on the back of each stall door there was always a printed calendar that one of my “sisters” so painstakingly put together each month. Besides keeping us all apprised of our upcoming activities, there were always fun little musings, quotes, jokes, etc. that were incorporated into each month’s calendar.

So I was reading the calendar and this one little box just jumped out and practically smacked me in the face. It read,

“God never closes one door without opening another. He didn’t deliver you this far to desert you now”.

I couldn’t take me eyes off that box. A whole new world opened up to me in an instant. I kept rereading it. It was as if it had been written just for me. Lord only knows how long I was actually in that stall. As hot tears streaked my face, I remember feeling comforted and kind of happy for the first time in a long time. I suddenly knew that somehow everything was going to be alright. It was then that I realized that God may not always answer our prayers the way we want him to, but he will never abandon us! It was in a word - Relief!

After that I had an overwhelming need to share this message with my mom and simply telling her about it just wasn’t going to cut it. Now I am not a real crafty person, but I had this undeniable urge to create something tangible to serve as a visual reminder that God is always with us. Much like I was reminded every time I stepped foot in that bathroom for the next month. So I cross-stitched the saying for her, (yeah you heard me…cross-stitched) hoping that it would have the same profound effect on her that it had on me. I hoped it would bring her some much needed comfort. I like to think that it did. She had it framed and to this day it is still hanging in her house, ironically in her bathroom! I don’t even think she knows that’s where I got the saying.

My healing did not happen overnight and I don’t mean for this story to imply otherwise. But I can tell you that I went into that stall a sad defeated little girl and emerged changed forever. My parents’ divorce is the worst and best thing that has ever happened to me, and to steal a saying from my mom, “If that’s the worst thing that ever happens to you, you’re pretty well off!" – I agree! Thankfully the worst part is over and with God’s help I was able to forgive and move on. I have gained such an appreciative perspective that only time can give.  The experience not only brought me closer to God but also to my mom, brother, and eventually my dad.  The best part though is remembering how God chased me down in a bathroom stall and refused to let me go! Amen for that!

7-Year Anniversary Miracle

“Dear God,
Please forgive me for going into debt again. This time I have no excuse. I know better. Dave Ramsey was all over us. And we did get out of debt, everything but the house and student loan. But then I got the itch to start my own business, a franchise none the less, and went ahead and dove in, borrowing money all the way! I convinced myself that it was OK to borrow money in order to “make money”, knowing full well that Dave would not endorse this plan! So now here I sit knowing that you are talking directly to me through our Pastor, letting me know that it’s gotten out of hand. I hear you! I promise no more borrowing - not even for the business! Starting today! Please forgive me and help me untangle this mess! Thank you! Amen!”

So that was my prayer while sitting in church back in 2005, and I meant it with all my heart. The problem I realized when I awoke the next day was that it was my 7-year wedding anniversary and we were supposed to eat dinner that night at what I would consider the absolute best and probably most expensive restaurant in town. You know the kind of place with crisp white tablecloths where they scrape away your bread crumbs and fold your napkin while you’re away. The kind of place where no matter how hard you try, you cannot possibly get out of there for less than $100, plus where’s the fun in that? Needless to say, we did not have cash for this and would have to put it on the credit card, just one day after I had promised God that I would not be doing that anymore. So you’re probably thinking “What’s the big deal? Just eat somewhere less expensive”. But it was a big deal and here’s why:

This particular restaurant opened within a year of our wedding. It had been getting such rave reviews that we decided to splurge and celebrate our 1st anniversary there. The next day we left on a trip to San Francisco and ate at some fabulous restaurants, but we both agreed that the best meal we’d had all week was the one back home. So we have celebrated our anniversary at that same restaurant ever since. It’s now a tradition and something we look forward to every year!

So flash-forward 6 years and there I was, with my newfound conscience…why couldn’t I have skipped church that week? My husband Jace had even taken it upon himself to handle all the arrangements that year. He made the reservation (without me reminding or prodding) and set up babysitting. How was I going to break it to him that we just couldn’t go this year? I hadn’t exactly consulted him before making this promise. When I floated the idea of cancelling past him he just kind of gave me this “you-better-not-be-serious” look!

Tensions were high, so I was relieved to have lunch plans with my dear friend Tiffeni. (Please don’t judge my hypocritical lunch plans, there’s a big difference between $15 and $150)! So I’m telling Tiffeni all about my dilemma, knowing that she will understand. Ever since we were in college she’s been enlightening me in the ways of the Lord. Thank goodness this was one of those times. She told me that she thought God would understand our need to keep our date. It wasn’t like we just decided on a whim to go there. It was our thing, our ritual, and God appreciates ritual, especially when it concerns marriage. She said that while getting out of debt was no doubt important to God, so was our marriage and we should celebrate it in our usual fashion!

After lunch I felt much better (it didn’t hurt that Tiff took pity on me and bought my lunch on top of all her good advice)! I told Jace about our conversation and my new and improved outlook on the situation. We should just go to dinner, relax, have fun, and not worry about the money. And that’s exactly what we did!

While at the restaurant our server said she noticed that it was our 7th anniversary and that we had been celebrating there every year (apparently Jace had given some pretty good details in the “Special Occasion?” section of the online reservation– more points for him). She said that was pretty cool and since we were probably getting sick of the “standard” complimentary dessert that you get on special occasions, she was going to let us pick ANY dessert from the menu. What a treat! Although the standard was very good, we’d always looked at the other items with a hint of wonder. I felt somewhat comforted by this gesture in that perhaps God was giving us his approval for going ahead with our extravagant celebration.

When our server came back with our dessert we were excited to dig in. But as she set it in front of us she pulled out our bill and said,

“I’m going to go ahead and leave this with you but want to let you know that my manager is so appreciative that you’ve chosen to celebrate with us all these years that tonight your entire meal is on the house”.

What?! Jace and I just stared at each other for a few seconds. This was entirely unheard of…our $145 bill vanished in an instant. I held it together until our server was gone and then I just started to cry! I said to Jace,

“God is sitting right here at this table with us, right now”!

It was true, He was. We could feel Him. It was like He was just giving us a big ol’ warm hug. Like He was letting us know that He was proud of us and our love for one another. He knew that my promise to Him to stop the borrowing was real and one that I intended to keep. It was His anniversary gift to us!

It has not escaped my attention that this was our 7th anniversary. Instead of the so-called “7-year itch”, we experienced a 7-year miracle. The number 7 has great biblical significance and is said to symbolize God’s perfection. And that’s exactly what our 7th anniversary was – Perfection! This was a time when God and I were in direct communication. We are not always so close and I don’t always hear from Him so clearly, but I know that is my fault. Sometimes I forget to put God first and in those times when I don’t feel as close to him I remember this anniversary miracle. It reminds me that when I intentionally seek Him and His will for me, He is always there to respond. This is by far my favorite personal story to tell when trying to convey the depth of God’s love for us. It is not exclusive. He has equal love for each and every one of us. All we have to do to receive it is believe it!

***UPDATE***  This post now has a sequel that I think you will enjoy!  Click here to read it.

A Blog for Average Ordinary Blessed People

“OK God,
Is this really what you want me to do...Seriously? This is why you woke me up at 5:09 this morning? I know it’s now 6:27. I was hoping you’d leave me alone and let me go back to sleep. I’m not sure why I can’t just do this later this afternoon while JD naps. OK - I do. Because I won’t actually get to it. I’ll find something better to do, like laundry, or dishes, or bills, or TV, or Facebook…So here I am. You know I’m relying on you to give me the words - right? To be able to adequately explain (to anyone who might actually read this) exactly what it is that we are trying to accomplish - right? So here I go…wish me luck. Oh that’s right, I don’t need luck – I’ve got you! In Jesus name I pray – Amen!”

So you might be asking yourself, “What have I stumbled onto here? Some kind of prayer blog?” Well sort of, allow me to explain. I had this idea, a “divine revelation” you might call it, about 6 months ago (Summer 2009). I was having a phone conversation with my best friend Tricia, and she was saying that she felt really good about getting this job for which she’d been interviewing. She lost her previous job as a pharmaceutical rep about 6 months before, just shortly after finalizing her divorce. As a result of the lay-off, she had received a substantial severance package. After much prayerful consideration she made the decision, for this first time in her life, to obey God with the tithe. To give an actual 10% back to God and to do it first! We are talking thousands of dollars here…at least a couple months worth of expenses. Her family and friends (most of whom are Christians I might add) told her she was “nuts” and that she should hold on to that in case she needed it. But she did it anyway – faithfully and with a glad heart.

So she continued to tell me about how she knows this job is meant to be, how it’s in keeping with her interests and experience, how she’ll be making comparable compensation, and everything has just fallen into place so seamlessly that she is just certain this job is going to be the answer to her prayers. Then she followed with,

“and when that happens I’ll finally have a really good testimony to tell people. Then they will see firsthand that I’m not so nuts”.
Whoa! I’m thinking. Wait a minute. Back up.
“When that happens you’ll finally have a testimony? What do you mean?” I asked. “I agree that this would be monumental, but surely you have other testimonies! I mean this can’t be your first and only one, right?”

She thought about it for a second and then said that she really couldn’t think of any others. I was flabbergasted! I’ve known her for close to 25 years and I could probably rattle off at least 10 different things right off the top of my head. So the preachy side of me mentioned a couple and she agreed that they were definitely blessings, but not really any sort of awe-inspiring testimony.

I have not been able to stop thinking about that conversation and wondering how my friend, who’s been following Christ for quite some time, could fail to recognize the potential in ALL of God’s blessings to impact or inspire? Big or small they all have some sort of testimonial value. And if she struggles to recognize that value, how many other believers are struggling too?

It also made me realize how I’ve completely taken my own faith for granted. I am so blessed that for the most part, I’ve always been able to see how God works in my life. What I’ve come to appreciate is that my faith is actually a spiritual gift from God, and although it is available to all who seek Him, it is not handed out equally. Just as some have the gift of prayer, or ministry, or giving (none of which I possess), faith is mine. This is not to say that my faith is never shaken, but I can definitely look back over my life and identify numerous times that God has answered prayers, spoken to me, and worked good from a bad situation. Even when I probably did not deserve it! Faith can be built by taking a good hard look at your life and acknowledging God’s hand throughout. Recognizing when He’s been there for you strengthens your faith and allows you to move forward with more confidence knowing that He is moving with you and directing your steps.

Armed with my new found consciousness, I started a list of all my life’s “testimonies”. Many of them actual prayers answered. Proud of myself for producing what I considered to be quite a lengthy list, I turned to God for His approval. But instead of praise He answered with,

“It’s a nice list, but it’s meaningless unless you share it”.

Oh yes, I heard from God all right, which brings me back to this blog. I tried to avoid Him by looking for excuses not to comply. I just couldn’t see how my little life stories could really make a difference. Won’t I just look braggy, or Holier than though? Or worse, won’t people be completely UNblown away by my super average, ordinary life? But then I realized, “Who cares?”! That’s the human, logical side of me talking, and I learned a long time ago that faith has nothing to do with logic! And arguing with God gets me nowhere fast! Only when I look at my life through God’s lens do I begin to see how EXTRAordinary my life really is and how truly blessed I am. If nobody reads or likes my blog, that’s okay. I’m not trying to please them. I’m trying to please Him.

What I’ve realized is that we do not need to have that one BIG monumental miracle happen as proof of God’s love or existence, much less to count our blessings or tell others about His great love. Perhaps all of our seemingly small life experiences add up to that one big testimony. You’ve no doubt heard the saying that “God is in the small stuff”. I believe it is there, in what may sometimes seem insignificant, that God does His best work. I have so many amazing stories to share with you. Stories which have led me to not just believe in God, but to believe God! He has a way of getting our attention (which I will share with you in a future post), so after months of dodging Him, I can no longer hide. I am ready to obey. These are my stories. I hope you will be inspired to take this journey with me and tell your friends and family about my little God project I’ve got going on here! -Oops! I mean BIG!
Thank you and God Bless!

BTW – Tricia did not get that job. You might be thinking where’s the blessing in that? Well I believe that is playing itself out right before our very eyes. As she continues to believe and seek God, I have no doubt that she will have that monumental testimony in the near future. But I also believe that her most powerful messages will be the smaller ones encountered along the way. I’ll let her post the rest of her story on here when she’s ready! I don’t want to leave you hanging! I am as anxious to see how it unfolds as you are!