“Dear God,
OK, I have serious bloggers block! What should I write about this month? I know that I have a whole list of stories from my life that demonstrate how wonderful you are and how thankful I am to be so blessed…but for some reason none of them are motivating me at this moment. Why is that? I feel like maybe this month should be something current, but I feel kind of blah lately, like I’m stuck in some kind of rut and – what?...Forgiveness? You want me to write about forgiveness?...Well OK, that makes sense for April since we did just celebrate Easter and all. Thanks! I knew you would inspire me! –Amen”
(Yes, I realize it is now June but I really did start this post in April. Will you please forgive me for being such a slacker?)
So, what do I know about forgiveness? I know that we are all called to do it. I know that it is one of the hardest things in life to do. It goes against every cell of our flesh to forgive when somebody has hurt us so badly. And then I think about Jesus. He died a horrible death on a cross so that we could all be forgiven. He forgave us and redeemed us all. There’s no doubt that as flesh Himself that was THE hardest thing He ever had to do. But He did it because God asked Him to, because they both love us so much. We are reminded of this in John 3:16
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
He made Jesus the ultimate example of what it means to forgive. And because I know that He loves me so much (and you too), I know He would never ask me to do something that wasn't for my own good. He does not ask us to forgive our offenders for their sake (He is perfectly capable of dealing with them Himself - He does not need our help)! He asks us to forgive them for our own sake. It's taken me most of my life to figure this out.
I will never forget the day that it just clobbered me over the head; the realization that withholding forgiveness was only hurting me. It seemed like I had been mad at my dad forever. Not the kind of I’m-never-speaking-to-you-again kind of mad, just this resentment that was always lingering in the edges of my mind. Just waiting for the perfect moment to spring from the shadows and completely overtake me. I knew it was time to just get over it, I mean my parents had been divorced for more than a third of my life. I knew God wanted me to forgive, but I just couldn’t seem to do it. I kept asking,
“How do you forgive someone who’s never asked for forgiveness…who’s never even admitted that they did anything wrong?”
It wasn’t long after that conversation with God that He answered me. I was serving in the store at our church and while straightening up I noticed this wall of DVDs. I had seen them there before, but never really paid much attention. They were the Nooma series and there was a bunch of them. But on that day, this one in particular caught my eye and practically jumped off the shelf into my hands. It was titled Luggage 007 - Rob Bell. I turned it over to see what it was about and this is what I read:
“Maybe a friend turned their back on you. Maybe someone you loved betrayed you. We all have wounds and we end up carrying around these things that people have done to us for weeks, months, and sometimes even years. It isn’t always easy to forgive these people and after a while these hurts can get really heavy. So the only way to feel better seems to be somehow getting back at the people that hurt us, to get revenge. But does revenge ever truly satisfy? Maybe forgiving isn’t something you do for someone else to let them off the hook. Maybe forgiveness is about you. God didn’t create you to carry these wounds around. God created you to be free.”
Somewhat stunned, I put it back on the shelf. It was the only one that I’d even felt compelled to look at. That DVD changed my life and I never even actually watched it. I didn’t need to. That little blurb on the back told me everything I needed to know. That was it. I finally understood that I chose to pick up that “luggage” and carry it around with me. And to get rid of that hurt all I had to do was forgive, set it down, and walk away. And that’s exactly what I did. I don’t think I’ve been mad at my dad since. In fact, I think our relationship is better than ever.
Now I recognize that in the big scheme of things this offense doesn’t seem like that big of a deal…half the population is divorced – boo hoo! I know that I am so blessed to have two parents that love me, to have grown up in a home never lacking anything. I know that a lot of people have suffered far worse things – unimaginable things that seem impossible to forgive. If you’re one of those people I can’t say that I know exactly how you feel because I don’t. But what I do know is that forgiving will only benefit YOU!
Withholding forgiveness does not punish your offender, it punishes you. By forgiving someone you are not saying that what they did was alright, you’re not excusing their behavior. You’re freeing yourself – handing your offender over to God. Believing that He is a God of justice and trusting that He will allow the appropriate punishment in His own perfect timing. Punishment is not your job and to act like it is only works against you, continuing to hurt you over and over again! By giving it to God you take away the power of your spiritual enemy. You sever that hold of hurt that he has on you! Forgive for your own sake, and let God take care of the rest. He always does. When you call on Him, He always answers, just like He answered me on the back of a DVD – God is SO good!
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