The Interior Designer I Almost Wasn't

"Dear God,
I don't know what to do.  I thought I was on the right path.  I thought I finally came across something that I'm interested in that I might be good at.  But now it looks hopeless.  Let's face it, we both know that I'm not an artist.  In fact, I'm not anything.  Why haven't you blessed me with any real talent?  Why am I always just average?  I'm running out of time...I have to declare a major and soon!  Please don't let me end up with a boring undefined major, dooming me forever to a life of average.  Is that really what you want for me?"

Yeah, I prayed it.  After running home crying and throwing myself dramatically onto my bed.  And yeah, it was a serious moment of spectacular self pity.  It makes me laugh to think about it now!  In fact I think I heard God chuckling a little too when he answered me.

It was Fall 1992, my sophomore year of college and I still hadn't declared a major.  My dad was often suggesting that I should be an Engineer because "they make good money right out of college", but I never liked math, even though I was pretty good at it.  I probably should have been flattered that he thought I was smart enough to be an engineer, but all it made me think was that I didn't possess any real talent to do something, ANYthing else.  Something exciting.  Something glamorous.

Most of my friends knew what they wanted to be, lawyers, medical professionals, teachers, politicians...none of which interested me.  Which added to my stress because now I was thinking not only am I not talented, but I'm not interesting either.  In order to be interesting you have to be interested - right?!

At the time, I was living in the sorority house (Yes I know...this is just one example of how absurd it was for me to think my life was just "average").  Anyway, my soon-to-be Lil Sis, a freshman who had already declared her major, was always creating these cool projects for her studio class.  When I asked, she told me she was an Interior Design major.

"Really?" I said, thinking that my mom was really good at decorating and she never went to school for it.  "I didn't know you could major in decorating."

"Oh, interior design is NOT decorating," she quickly informed me.  "It's really more like architecture.  It's even part of the College of Architecture and my studio classes are combined with the architecture students - for the first two years anyway."

Wow!  This was starting to sound really cool, maybe even promising.  My wheels were cranking.  Maybe I could do this.  It was not Art.  It was not Math.  It was not Science.  It was not Boring.

I thought, "I can do this.  Afterall, I'm creative.  I mean just look at this C-U-T-E Lil Sis wall-board I just made, and how much I enjoyed making it.  And look at my dorm room last year.  It was pretty awesome...who else had purple spray painted concrete block shelving?!  Nobody!  And have you seen the fabulous bulletin board that I made (with mom's help)!"

So I got myself all psyched up and scheduled a meeting with the director of the Interior Design program.  And that's when my enthusiasm bubble burst.  This somewhat quirky lady was going on and on about how difficult the studio programs were.

You only got 5 credit hours for a class that actually met for 10.5 total hours a week.  And that didn't even include the extra time you would be working there to complete your projects for that class.  Nor did it include all of the other classes I would need to take.  And as if that weren't enough, there were 8 semesters of studio which had to be taken sequentially.  The odd numbered ones were always in the Fall, so I would have to wait until the next Fall to start.  Not only would I technically be a Junior in Freshman classes, but it would end up taking me six years to graduate because there was no way to catch up.

And on...and on...and on...!  And then to top it all off, she suggested that if I was really serious about this, I should enroll in an Art studio class next Spring.  It wasn't required in the Interior Design curriculum, but she "highly recommended it" so that I could experience what a studio class was really like before next fall.

ART!...Ugh!  That was my worst nightmare!  I mean I liked to look at art, but I couldn't draw worth a flip!  And to make it even worse, we would be drawing...NUDES!  I couldn't even draw good cartoon figures, let alone the real human anatomy!  Oh the horror of it all!  Now you see why I cried all the way home.

"God, it's too hard!  I'm not cut out for that!  I clearly don't have what it takes!  That lady, the director, did everything she could to discourage me.  She could obviously tell that I'm not up to the challenge!"

And then I felt God say to me (through His chuckling at my overblown, teen angst, pity-party):

"Why are you listening to her?  And why are you listening to anyone other than me?  I AM the only one you need to listen to and I say you can do this.  I made you to do this.  You have the right gifts, you just need to discover them.  Don't give up so quickly or you will miss out on all the good things I have planned for you.  Just listen to me and I will show you the way!"

Okay so I didn't actually "hear" those words, that's just what I felt.  I had this calming peace come over me and my attitude took a 180.  Forget that lady.  I'm smart and I'm a hard worker (when I want to be).  And I don't have to take an Art class if I don't want to.  She said it herself, it wasn't required.  I could just wait until next year and start then.

So that's what I did.  I ignored the Director's advice and the rest is history.  It did take me 6 years to graduate but I needed those extra years to finally discover that I was blessed with some talent.  I shutter to think of how my life would have gone had I not faced my fears and with God's help pursued my purpose.

Remember those architecture students that my Lil Sis mentioned?...I married one.  If I would have let my own negative thinking get the best of me I never would have met him, or some of my best friends to this day.  More importantly, I never would have met ME...the real me anyway!  And I wouldn't be living this abundantly blessed, extraordinary, anything BUT average life!

Interesting twist to the story...remember the director that almost talked me out of my destiny?  Well sadly, by the time I actually started the interior design program the next fall, she was no longer there.  She was diagnosed with cancer and passed away shortly after.  The program did not hire a permanent director until my senior year (actually 3rd senior year if you want to get technical).  One of her first tasks was to set up a design scholarship award in the name of the former director.  I was the first recipient of that award.  Ironic - I know!  It was definitely a full-circle moment.

So, the moral is, you know you're onto something when it seems too big and too scary to accomplish.  When you're seriously doubting if you're good enough.  You know you're on the right path because your spiritual enemy is coming after you with all he's got, trying to trip you up.  Whispering in your ear...

"What makes you think you're good enough, smart enough, talented enough...?  You'll never make it!  You don't have what it takes!..."  I've learned that you just have to tell him to go straight "home" and try to see yourself the way that God sees you - which is PERFECT!  He makes no mistakes.  You are His perfect creation and He has equipped you with everything you need to fulfill His purposes.  Trust Him!

This is something of which I continually have to remind myself, especially as I enter this new, exciting, and scary chapter of my life...once again it's time for me to step out in faith.  If you're curious, check out my new blog RevYourRoom.com.  I hope it speaks for itself...and to you!