Seriously God?...AGAIN?!

"Seriously God?  Seriously?  What's up?  I thought you were pleased with me.  I've been doing everything you asked me to do...even things I don't particularly want to do - I'm doing them.  So why is everything working against me all of sudden?  Why has this plague decided to settle on my house, and why are you allowing it?  I know none of it is life-threatening (thankful for that), and I know I've dealt with it all before - but not all at once!  Why am I having to deal with all of this stuff AGAIN?  Please make it stop!  Thank you for listening to me and loving me! -Amen!"

Yes, I know.  This is an extremely whiny, woe-is-me prayer.  But it's how I felt and there's no sense in trying to hide your feelings from God, He already knows them.  Just like He knows I still love Him and understands that sometimes a girl's just gotta vent!

So let me back up and fill you in.  If you read my post 2 months ago, you already know that my house was struck by lightning - AGAIN!  One year after the first time, in the exact same spot.  So that blows holes in the theory that "lightning never strikes twice!"  At the time I was thankful (again) that nobody was hurt and that our house did not catch fire, but everything's been going downhill ever since.

Over the summer I really felt like God had been speaking to me, showing me His plans and bringing them into focus.  He's asked me to do some things that are really out of my comfort zone.  And I've been doing them, partly because He's also shown me some things that I'm really excited about.  And like I always tell my kids,

"Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, to be able to do the things you do want to do." 

Don't you think I should probably take my own advice!  You know - try to be a good example.

Needless to say I've really been looking forward to school starting back up so that I would have time to get things moving.  But so far there's only been 1 week out of 5 that both kids made it to school everday.  Every week somebody in my house has had some sort of ailment.  Sparing you the graphic details, let's just say that from head to toe I've dealt with or experienced EVERY disgusting bodily function you can think of!  Not to mention that we've made 5 trips to the doctor, one of which was a 6 hour, Friday night date with my son to the ER - good times!

Now I know this is all part of life.  I know you've dealt with it all too...more than once.  But did it hit all at the same time, one thing after another, starting with your house being struck by lightning AGAIN?  Probably not.  Please forgive my self-absorbed crankiness.  I know my life is not any worse than yours or anyone else's.  And I am SO grateful that we are not dealing with anything more serious that we don't already know how to handle!  I just really want you to understand this continual theme I have running through my head of:

"Oh no!  Not AGAIN!!!"

So enough with the belly-aching, because this story actually has a pretty amazing twist.  God took my whiny prayer to heart and showed up where I least expected Him - AGAIN!  If you've never read my post 7-Year Anniversary Miracle, this would be a good time to do so.

In the midst of all this sickness and chaos, Jace and I have had to reschedule our anniversay dinner 3 times.  As you know, we go to the same restaurant every year, Boulevard Steakhouse, and just splurge like there's no tomorrow.  We make sure to save up the cash for our once a year treat and for one night we forget all about our debt-free quest.

This year's anniversary is lucky number 13 (which could explain these unfortunate circumstances we've been experiencing- AGAIN!  Good thing I'm not superstitious).  It's been 6 years since "the miracle," and we still get excited about our annual celebration dinner along with the complimentary dessert given for such an occassion.  But for some reason last year our anniversary was overlooked, along with the dessert.

Not wanting to seem cheap, and still feeling grateful about our 7th anniversary meal, we didn't say anything.  But this year we wanted to make sure they knew it was our anniversary, so Jace casually worked it into the conversation with our waiter.  We felt a sense of accomplishment when they brought out our dessert with the special little "Happy Anniversary" chocolate on it.  Operation Free-Dessert was a success!  So imagine our surprise, shock, and utter delight, when our waiter came out with our bill, laid it on the table, and said:

"Here's your check but it's already been taken care of."

Yes!  The entire bill.  I know!...AGAIN!!!  (Did I mention that the restaurant is Boulevard Steakhouse?)

Are you completely blown-away?  Speechless?  So were we!  It made me laugh and cry all at the same time.  In that moment, God spoke to us AGAIN.  He knows we are going through a lot right now, but He reminded us that He is in control and He loves us.  This is all part of His great plans for us and He can use all things for good.  I completely believe Him.

Interestingly, in church this week the message was called "Passing the Test."  We looked specifically at James 1: 2-5

2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.  5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

I do think we are in a time of testing.  The plague is still on-going.  We're on week 7 of somebody being sick with something.  But God showing up for our 13th anniversary and producing a miracle - AGAIN, gives me the strength to keep going, keep the faith, and to endure it all with a spirit of JOY!

So if you get nothing else out of this story, I hope that you remember that God is always there for you.  Again and AGAIN!!!

God Give Me the Eyes to See

“OK God – here it goes…
Please heal my eyes! I’m 34 years old and starting to feel like I look all of it. When I started wearing glasses at age 26 I liked them because they made me look older (and oh so much wiser)…now I hate them because they make me look older! I also hate to wear contacts because they really bother me and I do not have the money for laser eye-surgery. So I’m boldly asking you to miraculously heal me or help me find the money for the surgery – something, anything so that I can ditch these glasses and start to feel attractive again. Thank you in advance and I pray to have a blessed week! – Amen”

Yes, I am fully aware of how preposterous this prayer sounds. I was fully aware of it when I prayed it. But here’s the thing – I had just finished reading a book called The Blessing of Favor, by Kate McVeigh, and it was a real eye-opener (pardon the pun). Up to this point I’d always known that God loves me, provides for me, and looks out for my best interest. What I did not know was that I had been limiting God’s presence in my life by only praying about what I considered to be the major things – like family, health, relationships, finances, etc. In this book I was shown that God wants to be present in ALL things in your life, even the silly and seemingly insignificant. If you think about it, what kind of message are we sending to God by not involving Him in everything? Am I really showing Faith that He will deliver on the BIG things if I do not even trust Him with the little things?

I used to feel guilty about bothering God with my petty little problems, especially when compared to the atrocities of this world; I’ve got it pretty darn good! I used to think that God doesn’t have time for this. He has much bigger problems to handle. Not to mention that I didn’t want to seem unappreciative of the wonderful life that I lead. But this book revealed to me a simple truth:

If it is important to me, then it is important to Him!

What I wasn’t accounting for is that God is much, much bigger than this world and all of its problems. My relationship with Him is personal and there is enough of Him to go around to everyone! I was unknowingly diminishing Him by not acknowledging His almighty power and His desire for intimacy with each and every one of us. The book challenged us to give it all to God, even the little things. If we feel that we need or even just want something – Ask! You know the old adage, “Ask and you shall receive” (And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive - Matthew 21:22 NKJV).

So therein lay my problem…not only did I have to get over feeling like a narcissistic brat to ask such a thing, but I also had to believe that I would receive it. You just saw my prayer; I was having a hard time believing that some miracle was going to be provided to heal my eyes. But in order to really put this so-called-truth to the test, I had to come up with something that was important to me, yet rather trivial to the world, and it had to be something absurd enough that if it came to pass the only explanation would be God!

I prayed that prayer on a Saturday night. When I awoke on Sunday my eyes were miraculously healed – just kidding! Nothing had changed. My vision was exactly the same, so I put on my glasses and went about my morning. I decided to go to the bookstore, so I packed up my then 4 year old daughter and headed off. When I pulled into the parking lot I realized that I did not have on a stitch of make-up, zip, zero, zilch! You have to understand, I NEVER go anywhere without at least some concealer, mascara, and lip gloss. Even then I usually don’t plan to get out of the car. Ugh! I’m still not sure how I could have forgotten this fact, especially considering how unattractive I’d been feeling lately anyway because of the whole glasses issue!

But I was already there and still feeling pretty vain about the prayer I’d had the audacity to pray. So I decided to make it a quick in-and-out. That was forgetful mistake #2; nothing is quick when you’re hauling around a 4 year old! I was done with my business in less than 5 minutes, but my daughter had spotted the toy train set-up and protested very loudly when I tried to breeze on past it without so much as a glance. Not wanting to call any unnecessary attention to my unmade-up self, I stopped for a minute to let her play.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone approaching me with a look of recognition on her face…"Of course!” I thought, “Someone I know has spotted me”. But as she approached, clearly to speak to me, I realized that I did not know her. This very pretty young woman walked right up to me and very purposefully and directly said:

“You have a beautiful daughter.” Okaaay – not the first time I’d ever heard this…

“Thank you”, I said, somewhat creeped out by her intense eye-to-eye contact. But it’s what she said next that sent a shiver down my spine:

“And you look really pretty in your glasses.”

Whaaaaat?! Who says stuff like that to complete strangers? Not only did I NOT look pretty that day…but why would you add “in your glasses”?! I was so shocked by her words that I only half caught what she said next,

“I was Miss Teen something or other…back in 19…, and I know pretty!”

I’m not sure if I even thanked her in that moment. I’m fairly certain I was speechless. But just as quickly as she’d approached me, she turned to leave, adding as she walked away:

“Have a blessed week!”

I know!!! To say that I was stunned would be an understatement! I have no doubt that God spoke directly to me through this woman. The reason it was SO amazing and that I know 100% that it was God is because she used the exact words that I’d used in my prayer, and He was the only one who’d heard them. I believe God was just letting me know that what is important to me IS most definitely important to Him. And although He didn’t answer my prayer exactly the way I’d hoped, He definitely let me know that He was listening and He cared! He may not have healed my eyes, but He healed my heart. He let me know that I was beautiful in His eyes, and that’s all that matters. Since that day I’ve never cared about wearing my glasses. In fact, I wear them proudly!

God Is In the Strangest Places!

“Dear God, I have been feeling sorry for myself. I’m tired of praying. I’ve been doing it for awhile now and for the first time that I can really remember it’s becoming clear that those prayers will not be answered. At least not the way I would like for them to be. I must admit I’ve been feeling pretty abandoned. Where have you been? I thought I could always count on you. Why are you letting this happen?”

I don’t know that I actually said this as a prayer. But I do remember that is how I felt for a long time after my dad left in the summer between my freshman and sophomore year of college. My parents had actually announced their divorce 6 months prior. To say it was a shock would be putting it mildly. I’d been fortunate enough to grow up and graduate with both my parents seemingly, happily married. How did this happen? Apparently a lot had transpired over the past year of which I was completely oblivious. I had been wrapped up in prom and high school graduation. After that I was completely immersed in being a college freshman and a sorority pledge. Life was good! But during my first winter break my parents dropped the divorce bombshell and my dad moved out – for a day. And then for whatever reason, he changed his mind, returning the next day, apologizing, and saying that he had made a mistake and that he and my mom were going to work it out. I believed him and returned to college trying to live out my freshman year in ignorant bliss (a.k.a. denial). I remember a friend of mine bluntly saying to me,

“You know they’re going to get divorced don’t you?”

And as mad as I was at him for saying that – he was right. I was devastated.

There is obviously a lot more to this story, but rather than dwell on the depressing details, I’d like to focus on the turn around. The moment I began to heal. I can pinpoint it exactly, the instant when God reached out to me and said,

“I’m here and I will never leave you”.

It was late into fall semester sophomore year. I had been really down and somewhat withdrawn. I went home every weekend to make sure my brother and mom were okay and to just be close to them. I refused to speak to my dad. I did not invite him to the University’s Dad’s Day. I was angry, not only at him, but also at God. I stopped talking to Him too. He was no longer invited into my life either. But here’s where I learned one of the greatest lessons about His love…He’s not that easy to get away from! Let me just say that God shows up in the most unexpected places –

Like the bathroom stall at my sorority house. I know it’s not a pleasant visual but I’m sure that it was only #1!  Anyway, on the back of each stall door there was always a printed calendar that one of my “sisters” so painstakingly put together each month. Besides keeping us all apprised of our upcoming activities, there were always fun little musings, quotes, jokes, etc. that were incorporated into each month’s calendar.

So I was reading the calendar and this one little box just jumped out and practically smacked me in the face. It read,

“God never closes one door without opening another. He didn’t deliver you this far to desert you now”.

I couldn’t take me eyes off that box. A whole new world opened up to me in an instant. I kept rereading it. It was as if it had been written just for me. Lord only knows how long I was actually in that stall. As hot tears streaked my face, I remember feeling comforted and kind of happy for the first time in a long time. I suddenly knew that somehow everything was going to be alright. It was then that I realized that God may not always answer our prayers the way we want him to, but he will never abandon us! It was in a word - Relief!

After that I had an overwhelming need to share this message with my mom and simply telling her about it just wasn’t going to cut it. Now I am not a real crafty person, but I had this undeniable urge to create something tangible to serve as a visual reminder that God is always with us. Much like I was reminded every time I stepped foot in that bathroom for the next month. So I cross-stitched the saying for her, (yeah you heard me…cross-stitched) hoping that it would have the same profound effect on her that it had on me. I hoped it would bring her some much needed comfort. I like to think that it did. She had it framed and to this day it is still hanging in her house, ironically in her bathroom! I don’t even think she knows that’s where I got the saying.

My healing did not happen overnight and I don’t mean for this story to imply otherwise. But I can tell you that I went into that stall a sad defeated little girl and emerged changed forever. My parents’ divorce is the worst and best thing that has ever happened to me, and to steal a saying from my mom, “If that’s the worst thing that ever happens to you, you’re pretty well off!" – I agree! Thankfully the worst part is over and with God’s help I was able to forgive and move on. I have gained such an appreciative perspective that only time can give.  The experience not only brought me closer to God but also to my mom, brother, and eventually my dad.  The best part though is remembering how God chased me down in a bathroom stall and refused to let me go! Amen for that!