Seriously God?...AGAIN?!

"Seriously God?  Seriously?  What's up?  I thought you were pleased with me.  I've been doing everything you asked me to do...even things I don't particularly want to do - I'm doing them.  So why is everything working against me all of sudden?  Why has this plague decided to settle on my house, and why are you allowing it?  I know none of it is life-threatening (thankful for that), and I know I've dealt with it all before - but not all at once!  Why am I having to deal with all of this stuff AGAIN?  Please make it stop!  Thank you for listening to me and loving me! -Amen!"

Yes, I know.  This is an extremely whiny, woe-is-me prayer.  But it's how I felt and there's no sense in trying to hide your feelings from God, He already knows them.  Just like He knows I still love Him and understands that sometimes a girl's just gotta vent!

So let me back up and fill you in.  If you read my post 2 months ago, you already know that my house was struck by lightning - AGAIN!  One year after the first time, in the exact same spot.  So that blows holes in the theory that "lightning never strikes twice!"  At the time I was thankful (again) that nobody was hurt and that our house did not catch fire, but everything's been going downhill ever since.

Over the summer I really felt like God had been speaking to me, showing me His plans and bringing them into focus.  He's asked me to do some things that are really out of my comfort zone.  And I've been doing them, partly because He's also shown me some things that I'm really excited about.  And like I always tell my kids,

"Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, to be able to do the things you do want to do." 

Don't you think I should probably take my own advice!  You know - try to be a good example.

Needless to say I've really been looking forward to school starting back up so that I would have time to get things moving.  But so far there's only been 1 week out of 5 that both kids made it to school everday.  Every week somebody in my house has had some sort of ailment.  Sparing you the graphic details, let's just say that from head to toe I've dealt with or experienced EVERY disgusting bodily function you can think of!  Not to mention that we've made 5 trips to the doctor, one of which was a 6 hour, Friday night date with my son to the ER - good times!

Now I know this is all part of life.  I know you've dealt with it all too...more than once.  But did it hit all at the same time, one thing after another, starting with your house being struck by lightning AGAIN?  Probably not.  Please forgive my self-absorbed crankiness.  I know my life is not any worse than yours or anyone else's.  And I am SO grateful that we are not dealing with anything more serious that we don't already know how to handle!  I just really want you to understand this continual theme I have running through my head of:

"Oh no!  Not AGAIN!!!"

So enough with the belly-aching, because this story actually has a pretty amazing twist.  God took my whiny prayer to heart and showed up where I least expected Him - AGAIN!  If you've never read my post 7-Year Anniversary Miracle, this would be a good time to do so.

In the midst of all this sickness and chaos, Jace and I have had to reschedule our anniversay dinner 3 times.  As you know, we go to the same restaurant every year, Boulevard Steakhouse, and just splurge like there's no tomorrow.  We make sure to save up the cash for our once a year treat and for one night we forget all about our debt-free quest.

This year's anniversary is lucky number 13 (which could explain these unfortunate circumstances we've been experiencing- AGAIN!  Good thing I'm not superstitious).  It's been 6 years since "the miracle," and we still get excited about our annual celebration dinner along with the complimentary dessert given for such an occassion.  But for some reason last year our anniversary was overlooked, along with the dessert.

Not wanting to seem cheap, and still feeling grateful about our 7th anniversary meal, we didn't say anything.  But this year we wanted to make sure they knew it was our anniversary, so Jace casually worked it into the conversation with our waiter.  We felt a sense of accomplishment when they brought out our dessert with the special little "Happy Anniversary" chocolate on it.  Operation Free-Dessert was a success!  So imagine our surprise, shock, and utter delight, when our waiter came out with our bill, laid it on the table, and said:

"Here's your check but it's already been taken care of."

Yes!  The entire bill.  I know!...AGAIN!!!  (Did I mention that the restaurant is Boulevard Steakhouse?)

Are you completely blown-away?  Speechless?  So were we!  It made me laugh and cry all at the same time.  In that moment, God spoke to us AGAIN.  He knows we are going through a lot right now, but He reminded us that He is in control and He loves us.  This is all part of His great plans for us and He can use all things for good.  I completely believe Him.

Interestingly, in church this week the message was called "Passing the Test."  We looked specifically at James 1: 2-5

2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.  5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

I do think we are in a time of testing.  The plague is still on-going.  We're on week 7 of somebody being sick with something.  But God showing up for our 13th anniversary and producing a miracle - AGAIN, gives me the strength to keep going, keep the faith, and to endure it all with a spirit of JOY!

So if you get nothing else out of this story, I hope that you remember that God is always there for you.  Again and AGAIN!!!

2010 the Miracle!

“Dear God,
Okay, I know this is a BIG ask, but I’m going for it…I want to be debt free, all but my house, by the end of this year. I’m going to commit to do all that I know how to do to get us there, but mathematically it’s just not possible. I need you to produce a miracle to forgive this debt, and I’m asking you to do it by the year’s end because that truly would be a miracle! If it is not your will I completely understand and trust that you have your reasons. My only other stipulation is that nobody dies in order for this to happen…I most definitely don’t want to pay off debt that way! I know it’s a lot to ask, and normally I wouldn’t dream of being so audacious, but I’ve learned that I should not insult you by trying to limit your abilities to what only my little brain can comprehend! Thank you for listening to and never tiring of me! It’s going to be a great year! Amen!”

And that’s how I started out 2010 – with that prayer. Our pastor had done a sermon about “The One Thing” that we hoped to accomplish in the upcoming year and we were to take that one thing to God. We were instructed to pray for it to happen, to be specific, and to believe that it would be given. So that’s what I did. I know that I shouldn’t put stipulations on God, like a time limit, because His ways are always better than mine (and rarely the same I might add), but my reasoning for the stipulations was simple. First off, I definitely did not want to prosper from anyone dying - understandable right?! Secondly, the BIG ask needed to be something, well – BIG! Without the time limit it seemed to be something that we could feasibly do ourselves within the next few years. But within a year’s time I could not see ANY possible way for this debt to disappear without a Godly intervention. So I committed to do my part. As you may know from reading some of my other posts (specifically “Screw Nehemiah: NEH Part II posted in Dec. 2010), things have been pretty tight financially around my house over the past few years. On a monthly basis our out-go has been more than our in-flow, so we have depended on my husband’s year-end bonus to make up for that shortfall. Historically his bonus is quite good and God has been making sure that it all works out!

So even though financially 2010 started out much the same way as other years, we decided that we were really going to tighten our belt and commit to sending a specific amount over and above our normal car payment, which would pay it off by the year’s end. We also committed to paying a set amount per month to the credit card which was slightly more than the minimum. By the end of the year, assuming we had a normal bonus, we should be able to pay off that card too. Mathematically that was all I could put together in my mind. I could commit to get us out of debt on the car and the credit card, but that still left the student loan. Even if, and assuming we received a comparable bonus to years past, it would not be enough to pay off the student loan in it’s entirety – see what I mean by a “BIG” ask?!

So that was my plan for the year and I embraced it with a passion (I would say “we” but my husband was not quite as enthusiastic or confident as me, although he did willingly go along with the plan – even sacrificing his beloved OU Season Football Tickets!). I want to mention that we have been tithing faithfully for years now and that did not change throughout this process. I fully believe that when you return your first and your best (to God) that He blesses the rest. I’ve seen it proven in my own life over and over again, so I wasn’t too surprised when things really started to move our way.

In January, my husband’s architectural firm asked me if I would be interested in contracting with them for interior design work – of course I would! Cha-ching!

In the springtime, we got a pretty substantial tax return, which was good but it also reminded us that we had been overpaying our taxes. Which really just means that we were loaning the government our hard earned money all year, interest free! So we reevaluated our deductions and decided to hold out less each month, putting more money in our pocket to pay down the debt.

We also met the deductible on our HSA (Health Savings Account), which meant that we were able to stop contributing so much per month since any bills would now be paid at 100%. Again, more money in our pocket! Things were really picking up steam.

Now my husband usually gets a mid-year bonus as well, but in this uncertain economy he had been warned not to expect or rely on it. But I went right on believing that somehow God would make it all work out. And guess what? -He did. My husband got his bonus, and although it was less than year’s past, it was EXACTLY the right amount to go ahead and pay off the car, four months ahead of schedule! Oh happy day!

Not long after that, I had the idea (obviously a divine revelation) to refinance my house. I had looked into it before but with the interest rate at the time it wasn’t really worth it. But something told me to check again. Monthly, I wasn’t really expecting to save much, but interest rates had dropped so dramatically that I’d be crazy not to re-fi if I could keep my payments roughly the same. So long story short, we did the re-fi and guess what? – not only did I considerably drop my interest rate and save a little money every month, but I got back all of the money that we’d been putting into escrow, AND we got to skip a house payment while everything was processed – two benefits that I had never even considered. So, I combined that escrow money and that monthly mortgage payment and paid off our credit card, 2 months early! All of a sudden I was starting to fathom how we could possibly pay off our student loan by the end of the year. God can always make a way!

So here it is, January 2011 and I had been hoping and sincerely believing that my first post of the new year would be my testimony of how God provided a miracle and that we were finally able to scream “I’m debt free” on the Dave Ramsey radio show (at least that was my fantasy – I think I might need to get a life!). Anyway, while I can’t yet say that we are debt free, I can most assuredly say that God provided that miracle. And here’s how:

In this tough economy the year-end bonus didn’t even come close to previous years, however we were able to pay off two of our three debts before we even knew that to be the case. This monthly savings allowed us to have an all-cash Christmas, which typically we would charge and then pay off with the bonus. That savings also allowed us to balance our monthly budget. Our in-flow is now more than our out-go, yea! We are no longer dependent on that bonus - Praise God!

I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t disappointed or that I didn’t feel somewhat let down by God, but I just remind myself of what He said in Isaiah 55:8-9:

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

I know this to be true, and I am SO grateful for the miracles that did occur. My favorite thing about 2010, by far, was getting to walk so closely with Him, seeing Him work daily in my life. Sure I wish the student loan was gone too, but I know that He has not abandoned me. It’s just going to happen in His time, His way, and it will work out even better than I could ever imagine! I’ll let you know how and when that transpires. I have a feeling it’s going to be good! So in the meantime, I’ll keep believing God for miracles, recognizing when they happen, and giving Him all the glory! I’m so excited to see what He has in store for 2011 – for all of us! Please feel free to drop me a line if you ever feel like sharing your story! Happy New Year!

God Give Me the Eyes to See

“OK God – here it goes…
Please heal my eyes! I’m 34 years old and starting to feel like I look all of it. When I started wearing glasses at age 26 I liked them because they made me look older (and oh so much wiser)…now I hate them because they make me look older! I also hate to wear contacts because they really bother me and I do not have the money for laser eye-surgery. So I’m boldly asking you to miraculously heal me or help me find the money for the surgery – something, anything so that I can ditch these glasses and start to feel attractive again. Thank you in advance and I pray to have a blessed week! – Amen”

Yes, I am fully aware of how preposterous this prayer sounds. I was fully aware of it when I prayed it. But here’s the thing – I had just finished reading a book called The Blessing of Favor, by Kate McVeigh, and it was a real eye-opener (pardon the pun). Up to this point I’d always known that God loves me, provides for me, and looks out for my best interest. What I did not know was that I had been limiting God’s presence in my life by only praying about what I considered to be the major things – like family, health, relationships, finances, etc. In this book I was shown that God wants to be present in ALL things in your life, even the silly and seemingly insignificant. If you think about it, what kind of message are we sending to God by not involving Him in everything? Am I really showing Faith that He will deliver on the BIG things if I do not even trust Him with the little things?

I used to feel guilty about bothering God with my petty little problems, especially when compared to the atrocities of this world; I’ve got it pretty darn good! I used to think that God doesn’t have time for this. He has much bigger problems to handle. Not to mention that I didn’t want to seem unappreciative of the wonderful life that I lead. But this book revealed to me a simple truth:

If it is important to me, then it is important to Him!

What I wasn’t accounting for is that God is much, much bigger than this world and all of its problems. My relationship with Him is personal and there is enough of Him to go around to everyone! I was unknowingly diminishing Him by not acknowledging His almighty power and His desire for intimacy with each and every one of us. The book challenged us to give it all to God, even the little things. If we feel that we need or even just want something – Ask! You know the old adage, “Ask and you shall receive” (And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive - Matthew 21:22 NKJV).

So therein lay my problem…not only did I have to get over feeling like a narcissistic brat to ask such a thing, but I also had to believe that I would receive it. You just saw my prayer; I was having a hard time believing that some miracle was going to be provided to heal my eyes. But in order to really put this so-called-truth to the test, I had to come up with something that was important to me, yet rather trivial to the world, and it had to be something absurd enough that if it came to pass the only explanation would be God!

I prayed that prayer on a Saturday night. When I awoke on Sunday my eyes were miraculously healed – just kidding! Nothing had changed. My vision was exactly the same, so I put on my glasses and went about my morning. I decided to go to the bookstore, so I packed up my then 4 year old daughter and headed off. When I pulled into the parking lot I realized that I did not have on a stitch of make-up, zip, zero, zilch! You have to understand, I NEVER go anywhere without at least some concealer, mascara, and lip gloss. Even then I usually don’t plan to get out of the car. Ugh! I’m still not sure how I could have forgotten this fact, especially considering how unattractive I’d been feeling lately anyway because of the whole glasses issue!

But I was already there and still feeling pretty vain about the prayer I’d had the audacity to pray. So I decided to make it a quick in-and-out. That was forgetful mistake #2; nothing is quick when you’re hauling around a 4 year old! I was done with my business in less than 5 minutes, but my daughter had spotted the toy train set-up and protested very loudly when I tried to breeze on past it without so much as a glance. Not wanting to call any unnecessary attention to my unmade-up self, I stopped for a minute to let her play.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone approaching me with a look of recognition on her face…"Of course!” I thought, “Someone I know has spotted me”. But as she approached, clearly to speak to me, I realized that I did not know her. This very pretty young woman walked right up to me and very purposefully and directly said:

“You have a beautiful daughter.” Okaaay – not the first time I’d ever heard this…

“Thank you”, I said, somewhat creeped out by her intense eye-to-eye contact. But it’s what she said next that sent a shiver down my spine:

“And you look really pretty in your glasses.”

Whaaaaat?! Who says stuff like that to complete strangers? Not only did I NOT look pretty that day…but why would you add “in your glasses”?! I was so shocked by her words that I only half caught what she said next,

“I was Miss Teen something or other…back in 19…, and I know pretty!”

I’m not sure if I even thanked her in that moment. I’m fairly certain I was speechless. But just as quickly as she’d approached me, she turned to leave, adding as she walked away:

“Have a blessed week!”

I know!!! To say that I was stunned would be an understatement! I have no doubt that God spoke directly to me through this woman. The reason it was SO amazing and that I know 100% that it was God is because she used the exact words that I’d used in my prayer, and He was the only one who’d heard them. I believe God was just letting me know that what is important to me IS most definitely important to Him. And although He didn’t answer my prayer exactly the way I’d hoped, He definitely let me know that He was listening and He cared! He may not have healed my eyes, but He healed my heart. He let me know that I was beautiful in His eyes, and that’s all that matters. Since that day I’ve never cared about wearing my glasses. In fact, I wear them proudly!

7-Year Anniversary Miracle

“Dear God,
Please forgive me for going into debt again. This time I have no excuse. I know better. Dave Ramsey was all over us. And we did get out of debt, everything but the house and student loan. But then I got the itch to start my own business, a franchise none the less, and went ahead and dove in, borrowing money all the way! I convinced myself that it was OK to borrow money in order to “make money”, knowing full well that Dave would not endorse this plan! So now here I sit knowing that you are talking directly to me through our Pastor, letting me know that it’s gotten out of hand. I hear you! I promise no more borrowing - not even for the business! Starting today! Please forgive me and help me untangle this mess! Thank you! Amen!”

So that was my prayer while sitting in church back in 2005, and I meant it with all my heart. The problem I realized when I awoke the next day was that it was my 7-year wedding anniversary and we were supposed to eat dinner that night at what I would consider the absolute best and probably most expensive restaurant in town. You know the kind of place with crisp white tablecloths where they scrape away your bread crumbs and fold your napkin while you’re away. The kind of place where no matter how hard you try, you cannot possibly get out of there for less than $100, plus where’s the fun in that? Needless to say, we did not have cash for this and would have to put it on the credit card, just one day after I had promised God that I would not be doing that anymore. So you’re probably thinking “What’s the big deal? Just eat somewhere less expensive”. But it was a big deal and here’s why:

This particular restaurant opened within a year of our wedding. It had been getting such rave reviews that we decided to splurge and celebrate our 1st anniversary there. The next day we left on a trip to San Francisco and ate at some fabulous restaurants, but we both agreed that the best meal we’d had all week was the one back home. So we have celebrated our anniversary at that same restaurant ever since. It’s now a tradition and something we look forward to every year!

So flash-forward 6 years and there I was, with my newfound conscience…why couldn’t I have skipped church that week? My husband Jace had even taken it upon himself to handle all the arrangements that year. He made the reservation (without me reminding or prodding) and set up babysitting. How was I going to break it to him that we just couldn’t go this year? I hadn’t exactly consulted him before making this promise. When I floated the idea of cancelling past him he just kind of gave me this “you-better-not-be-serious” look!

Tensions were high, so I was relieved to have lunch plans with my dear friend Tiffeni. (Please don’t judge my hypocritical lunch plans, there’s a big difference between $15 and $150)! So I’m telling Tiffeni all about my dilemma, knowing that she will understand. Ever since we were in college she’s been enlightening me in the ways of the Lord. Thank goodness this was one of those times. She told me that she thought God would understand our need to keep our date. It wasn’t like we just decided on a whim to go there. It was our thing, our ritual, and God appreciates ritual, especially when it concerns marriage. She said that while getting out of debt was no doubt important to God, so was our marriage and we should celebrate it in our usual fashion!

After lunch I felt much better (it didn’t hurt that Tiff took pity on me and bought my lunch on top of all her good advice)! I told Jace about our conversation and my new and improved outlook on the situation. We should just go to dinner, relax, have fun, and not worry about the money. And that’s exactly what we did!

While at the restaurant our server said she noticed that it was our 7th anniversary and that we had been celebrating there every year (apparently Jace had given some pretty good details in the “Special Occasion?” section of the online reservation– more points for him). She said that was pretty cool and since we were probably getting sick of the “standard” complimentary dessert that you get on special occasions, she was going to let us pick ANY dessert from the menu. What a treat! Although the standard was very good, we’d always looked at the other items with a hint of wonder. I felt somewhat comforted by this gesture in that perhaps God was giving us his approval for going ahead with our extravagant celebration.

When our server came back with our dessert we were excited to dig in. But as she set it in front of us she pulled out our bill and said,

“I’m going to go ahead and leave this with you but want to let you know that my manager is so appreciative that you’ve chosen to celebrate with us all these years that tonight your entire meal is on the house”.

What?! Jace and I just stared at each other for a few seconds. This was entirely unheard of…our $145 bill vanished in an instant. I held it together until our server was gone and then I just started to cry! I said to Jace,

“God is sitting right here at this table with us, right now”!

It was true, He was. We could feel Him. It was like He was just giving us a big ol’ warm hug. Like He was letting us know that He was proud of us and our love for one another. He knew that my promise to Him to stop the borrowing was real and one that I intended to keep. It was His anniversary gift to us!

It has not escaped my attention that this was our 7th anniversary. Instead of the so-called “7-year itch”, we experienced a 7-year miracle. The number 7 has great biblical significance and is said to symbolize God’s perfection. And that’s exactly what our 7th anniversary was – Perfection! This was a time when God and I were in direct communication. We are not always so close and I don’t always hear from Him so clearly, but I know that is my fault. Sometimes I forget to put God first and in those times when I don’t feel as close to him I remember this anniversary miracle. It reminds me that when I intentionally seek Him and His will for me, He is always there to respond. This is by far my favorite personal story to tell when trying to convey the depth of God’s love for us. It is not exclusive. He has equal love for each and every one of us. All we have to do to receive it is believe it!

***UPDATE***  This post now has a sequel that I think you will enjoy!  Click here to read it.