Chasing the Wind

“Dear God,
Please don’t let me have lost it! Oh God, please, please, please…! If it’s gone I’m sure there’s a way to fix it, but when? How long will that take? Ugh! I don’t even want to think about it. I need it NOW! Please help me find it! I’m pretty sure I stuck it in my purse. Where could it be? It’s so windy! If it blew out it must be long gone. Oh Dear God PLEASE help me find it! – Amen”

Well in honor of the upcoming tax season I thought I’d share a little story of the time I lost my tax return check. My daughter was a little over a year old and I had quit my job nine months prior to stay home with her, practically cutting our household income in half. Needless to say we REALLY needed that check. Back then, we didn’t understand that it was not really a good thing to get a tax return. A return just means that we overpaid the government and let them use our money all year interest-free. But that’s beside the point…back then it seemed like the best plan ever! We could live for the next 3 months on that check alone. We praised ourselves for being so smart with our finances!

So, excited to have gotten the check (this was before electronic filing came into fashion – praise God for that), I tucked it into the back pocket of my purse, gathered up the baby and all of the necessary accompanying gear, and set out to run some errands – first stop being to deposit that check. With everyone and everything safely and securely packed in the car, I turned to battle the wind managing to get myself seated behind the steering wheel just as the wind slammed the car door closed behind me. If you live in Oklahoma you know exactly what I’m talking about! You could easily lose a leg if you’re not careful! I flung my purse into the passenger seat and went to grab the check to get it ready – but where was it?

I’m pretty sure I stuck it in here…(Frantically digging through my purse)…What if it blew out?...That would have been at least 5 minutes ago…In this wind it’s long gone…(Panic starts to set in)…Maybe I left it in the house.

I went back into the house quickly running through and looking everywhere that I thought I might have left it. It was nowhere to be found.

I ran back outside. The wind was blowing hard out of the north so I strained to see as far south as I could, looking for a piece of paper blowing down the street…nothing! It was gone. There was no way that the wind hadn’t already blown it into oblivion. What was I going to do? Call the IRS and ask them to issue another one – ha! I’m sure that’s an easy process! Not to mention that I needed that money like yesterday! That’s when I started to pray - that kind of panicked, urgent prayer that I only remember praying a few other times in my life. What should I do? Drive down the street to look for it? I had walked a couple houses past my house trying to see if I could see it. I turned around to head back to my car (yes, my baby was in there by herself, but don’t worry, the car wasn’t running and I wasn’t that far away). At that moment I noticed a piece of paper plastered to the south side of my house. My heart skipped a beat. Could it be my check? Oh please God, let that be my check. But as I got closer I had my doubts. The wind was blowing toward the south away from that side of my house. How could it have ended up there? I started to run toward the paper anyway, because chances were it wouldn’t stay put for long. As I entered into the area between mine and my neighbor’s house I experienced a small vortex of wind. A-ha! The wind was getting trapped between our houses and gusting toward the north…could it be?! I grabbed the paper, held my breath, and turned it over – JACKPOT!  It WAS my check! Hallelujah – Praise God – literally! I cried with relief and climbed back into the car, check tightly gripped in my hand all the way to the bank.

Now you may be thinking that this is really no big deal, not exactly an awe inspiring testimony. It’s perfectly natural that the check would be caught up in a vortex and blown against the side of my house, but trust me, this was a supernatural event! God intervened on my behalf. I had been relying on that money, relying on the government to provide that money. This was His way of getting my attention to remind me that I should only be relying on Him. He provides for all my needs. That money wasn’t a gift from the government. They were just returning what was mine. Actually it wasn’t even really mine, it was God’s. He was entrusting me with His riches, reminding me that it came from Him and it could be taken away just as easily as it was given. Thankfully, He blessed me with mercy that day and allowed me to keep it.

I believe that God has been prompting me to share this story with you for several reasons. First, it’s tax season again, so it’s timely. Second, He recently showed me this passage from His word: “But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.” (Deuteronomy 8:18 NIV), reminding me that it is He who gives us the “ability” to earn money. He deserves all the glory for every penny we have!

And lastly, a few days ago I was waiting for my now 9-year old daughter to get home from school. It was very windy out, much like the day my check blew away. My 3-year old son came running to me exclaiming:

“Sissy’s home! Sissy’s home! She’s tryin ta get sumpin (something).”

I looked out the window and couldn’t see her. Where was she? I knew her bus had already come. Then I saw her, bent down in front of our brick mailbox, apparently trying to pick up the mail that she’d dropped. I opened the door and walked toward her, asking if she needed help. She was crying…balling actually. She had dropped the mail and the wind had picked up a piece and was blowing it down the street. She had her hands and feet frantically stepping on all of the rest of the mail trying to keep it from also blowing away. I gathered up the mail freeing her to chase down the piece that had gotten away. Turns out it was just junk mail, but she didn’t know that. To her, it could have been the most important piece of mail in the world. I knew exactly how she felt. I had wanted to cry too when I thought my check was blowing down the street all those years ago. As I watched her chase after that mail it struck me, God was using the memory of that incident to once again remind me that we need to rely solely on Him…otherwise we’re just chasing the wind!

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep...

“Dear God,
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen
P.S. Please keep those little devils locked tightly in my closet…Amen!

This is the prayer of a five-ish year old little girl, that girl being me. I have said this prayer every night for as long as I can remember. My mom taught it to me and we would always say it together (not the “P.S.” part). I know this prayer has stirred some controversy as to whether it is too scary for children, and that it’s been revised to make it more kid-friendly, but I’ve always liked the original. I don’t remember ever thinking it was scary. I always found it comforting (and still do) to think that God was watching over me as I slept and even if something should happen, and I never woke, I took comfort in the fact that I would be with Him.

So why did I add the “P.S.” about the devils if I wasn’t scared? Well I was scared, but not because of the prayer. To be real honest, I’m not certain that I actually added that to my prayer…I mean that was almost 35 years ago so it’s a little fuzzy around the edges. But here’s what I do remember quite clearly:

I was lying in my bed, in a room that I shared with my baby brother. I thought I saw something moving under his crib and when I sat up to look, two little cartoonish looking devils, complete with horns and pitchforks, crawled out from underneath it. They didn’t say anything, just laughed demonically as they pulled me from my bed and led me toward the closet. The door was open (hadn’t mom closed that before she tucked me in?!) and all I could see through the opening was darkness engulfed in flames (I knew it! – the closet WAS in fact the gateway to hell!). The two little devils walked ahead of me, still pulling me by my hand. I could hear them whispering, but couldn’t make out what they were saying. Just as I was about to panic I heard the command,

“Look down!” in a very clear voice.

When I looked down there was a rock, like a river rock, on the floor. I reached down and picked it up with my free hand. Instinctively, I knew what to do with it. I slipped it into the devil’s hand that held mine. Success! He didn’t even know that I’d escaped. I stood there and watched as the two little devils entered my inferno of a closet and the door slammed shut behind them, securely locking them away. In the dark, I stood there relieved, knowing that God was right there with me. It was His voice that I had heard. He saved me, protected me - my soul, that night, I would keep!

You’ve no doubt already figured out that I had a bad dream – well sort of a nightmare-turned-most wonderfully significant dream of my life. I’m sure that some of you are skeptical that I can even remember a dream from so long ago, but let me assure you – I do! Ask anyone who knows me well and they will tell you that I have an EXCELLENT memory (keep your Rain Man jokes to yourself please). Not a photographic memory and I’m terrible with remembering numbers, but a very detailed, situational memory. I think it’s because I really try to live in a moment and pay great attention to all of the sensory details. Also, growing up we moved every couple of years, so it’s fairly easy to remember things based on where I was, allowing me to pinpoint the time period pretty accurately.

I know that I was about 5 because we lived in Saudi Arabia from when I was 3-6 in a tiny 2-bedroom complex where I had to share a room with my brother. I was 4 when he was born, and I’m sure that both he and my parents would like for you to know that we did come back to the States and stay with my grandparents in Illinois so that he would be born in the good ol’ U.S. of A.! Anyway, that’s why I’m guessing I was close to five, because the dream took place in that room at the same time I was actually living there. The dream was so real that I don’t even remember when I crossed over from being asleep to awake. I just know that I was awake in that room, closet door closed, knowing that God was with me. I wasn’t scared in that moment, but to this day I cannot go to sleep without closing the closet doors! And I always make sure my kids closet doors are shut tight too! Practically every time I go through this ritual I remember my dream and how it was my first real introduction to God as my Savior.

I am not trying to claim that I understood the meaning or symbolism of this dream at such a young age, just that I knew God was real and He was (and still is) looking out for me. I attended a Christian Pre-School while living in Saudi Arabia, so I’m sure those story-time teachings with the characters on the felt board had their influence on me. If you’ve read some of my other blog posts you’ve probably figured out that going to church and reading the bible are relatively new to me. In fact I just did my first bible study a few months ago. So imagine my overwhelming surprise when I came across this little jewel:

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. Psalm 18:2 NLT

I know, pretty amazing right?! And there are so many other passages like this in the bible that I can’t even begin to list them all. I am so blown away every time I come across one. After all these years my dream finally makes sense.  I always knew that I had heard God and felt His presence in my dream, but I never thought I actually saw Him, until now…He was the ROCK!!!
 
God is SO awesome that He came to me in a dream when I was five years old, to save me from my spiritual enemy (or in this case - little cartoon minions), and to show me, literally, that He is my rock, my solid foundation! That’s how much God loves me, and He wants me to tell you that He loves you just as much! Amen for that!

2010 the Miracle!

“Dear God,
Okay, I know this is a BIG ask, but I’m going for it…I want to be debt free, all but my house, by the end of this year. I’m going to commit to do all that I know how to do to get us there, but mathematically it’s just not possible. I need you to produce a miracle to forgive this debt, and I’m asking you to do it by the year’s end because that truly would be a miracle! If it is not your will I completely understand and trust that you have your reasons. My only other stipulation is that nobody dies in order for this to happen…I most definitely don’t want to pay off debt that way! I know it’s a lot to ask, and normally I wouldn’t dream of being so audacious, but I’ve learned that I should not insult you by trying to limit your abilities to what only my little brain can comprehend! Thank you for listening to and never tiring of me! It’s going to be a great year! Amen!”

And that’s how I started out 2010 – with that prayer. Our pastor had done a sermon about “The One Thing” that we hoped to accomplish in the upcoming year and we were to take that one thing to God. We were instructed to pray for it to happen, to be specific, and to believe that it would be given. So that’s what I did. I know that I shouldn’t put stipulations on God, like a time limit, because His ways are always better than mine (and rarely the same I might add), but my reasoning for the stipulations was simple. First off, I definitely did not want to prosper from anyone dying - understandable right?! Secondly, the BIG ask needed to be something, well – BIG! Without the time limit it seemed to be something that we could feasibly do ourselves within the next few years. But within a year’s time I could not see ANY possible way for this debt to disappear without a Godly intervention. So I committed to do my part. As you may know from reading some of my other posts (specifically “Screw Nehemiah: NEH Part II posted in Dec. 2010), things have been pretty tight financially around my house over the past few years. On a monthly basis our out-go has been more than our in-flow, so we have depended on my husband’s year-end bonus to make up for that shortfall. Historically his bonus is quite good and God has been making sure that it all works out!

So even though financially 2010 started out much the same way as other years, we decided that we were really going to tighten our belt and commit to sending a specific amount over and above our normal car payment, which would pay it off by the year’s end. We also committed to paying a set amount per month to the credit card which was slightly more than the minimum. By the end of the year, assuming we had a normal bonus, we should be able to pay off that card too. Mathematically that was all I could put together in my mind. I could commit to get us out of debt on the car and the credit card, but that still left the student loan. Even if, and assuming we received a comparable bonus to years past, it would not be enough to pay off the student loan in it’s entirety – see what I mean by a “BIG” ask?!

So that was my plan for the year and I embraced it with a passion (I would say “we” but my husband was not quite as enthusiastic or confident as me, although he did willingly go along with the plan – even sacrificing his beloved OU Season Football Tickets!). I want to mention that we have been tithing faithfully for years now and that did not change throughout this process. I fully believe that when you return your first and your best (to God) that He blesses the rest. I’ve seen it proven in my own life over and over again, so I wasn’t too surprised when things really started to move our way.

In January, my husband’s architectural firm asked me if I would be interested in contracting with them for interior design work – of course I would! Cha-ching!

In the springtime, we got a pretty substantial tax return, which was good but it also reminded us that we had been overpaying our taxes. Which really just means that we were loaning the government our hard earned money all year, interest free! So we reevaluated our deductions and decided to hold out less each month, putting more money in our pocket to pay down the debt.

We also met the deductible on our HSA (Health Savings Account), which meant that we were able to stop contributing so much per month since any bills would now be paid at 100%. Again, more money in our pocket! Things were really picking up steam.

Now my husband usually gets a mid-year bonus as well, but in this uncertain economy he had been warned not to expect or rely on it. But I went right on believing that somehow God would make it all work out. And guess what? -He did. My husband got his bonus, and although it was less than year’s past, it was EXACTLY the right amount to go ahead and pay off the car, four months ahead of schedule! Oh happy day!

Not long after that, I had the idea (obviously a divine revelation) to refinance my house. I had looked into it before but with the interest rate at the time it wasn’t really worth it. But something told me to check again. Monthly, I wasn’t really expecting to save much, but interest rates had dropped so dramatically that I’d be crazy not to re-fi if I could keep my payments roughly the same. So long story short, we did the re-fi and guess what? – not only did I considerably drop my interest rate and save a little money every month, but I got back all of the money that we’d been putting into escrow, AND we got to skip a house payment while everything was processed – two benefits that I had never even considered. So, I combined that escrow money and that monthly mortgage payment and paid off our credit card, 2 months early! All of a sudden I was starting to fathom how we could possibly pay off our student loan by the end of the year. God can always make a way!

So here it is, January 2011 and I had been hoping and sincerely believing that my first post of the new year would be my testimony of how God provided a miracle and that we were finally able to scream “I’m debt free” on the Dave Ramsey radio show (at least that was my fantasy – I think I might need to get a life!). Anyway, while I can’t yet say that we are debt free, I can most assuredly say that God provided that miracle. And here’s how:

In this tough economy the year-end bonus didn’t even come close to previous years, however we were able to pay off two of our three debts before we even knew that to be the case. This monthly savings allowed us to have an all-cash Christmas, which typically we would charge and then pay off with the bonus. That savings also allowed us to balance our monthly budget. Our in-flow is now more than our out-go, yea! We are no longer dependent on that bonus - Praise God!

I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t disappointed or that I didn’t feel somewhat let down by God, but I just remind myself of what He said in Isaiah 55:8-9:

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

I know this to be true, and I am SO grateful for the miracles that did occur. My favorite thing about 2010, by far, was getting to walk so closely with Him, seeing Him work daily in my life. Sure I wish the student loan was gone too, but I know that He has not abandoned me. It’s just going to happen in His time, His way, and it will work out even better than I could ever imagine! I’ll let you know how and when that transpires. I have a feeling it’s going to be good! So in the meantime, I’ll keep believing God for miracles, recognizing when they happen, and giving Him all the glory! I’m so excited to see what He has in store for 2011 – for all of us! Please feel free to drop me a line if you ever feel like sharing your story! Happy New Year!

Nehemiah's Grand Finale - NEH Part IV

“Dear God,
Thank you so much for the past four years and allowing my relationship with Nehemiah to conclude full-circle. What a circle it’s been! I finally feel restored and like my time to wait patiently may be coming to an end. It might be time to act, but don’t worry, I’m waiting for you to give a clear, “GO!” Thank you for this gift of time to be with my family and to rest and recharge. Thank you for reconnecting me to an old friend and for making new ones. Thank you for being you!  Amen!”

In my last post you found out that Nehemiah was not through with me, even though I thought I was through with him. I am so amazed at how this journey has come full circle. Like I said before, I didn’t really think I had a lot ruins that were in need of repair. I mean don’t get me wrong, I knew I had ruins but I thought I’d completely dealt with them because I’d been walking in such peace relying on God. In my first real encounter with the bible and Nehemiah things didn’t work out quite the way I had planned. But what I’ve discovered is that God had much better plans and the last four years have been amazing! My second encounter with Nehemiah, which was Anne’s bible study, has been a pure blessing! Not only have I been reconnected to an old friend but I’ve been able to see how God has been moving in her life and privileged to participate in a small part of it! I’ve also made some new amazing friends throughout the course of this study and for that I am truly grateful. So to close out this series I’d like to share with you what I think is probably the most important thing that I’ve learned:

The Bible Should Be Our Guide – Always!
I think one of the greatest lessons learned through my journey with Nehemiah is that the Bible should always be our guide. I’ve said before that I always believed in God, but I didn’t really put much stock in the bible. I was always critical of its validity seeing as how it had been interpreted so many times and so many ways by Man – and we know how fallible he is! It really didn’t help that the first time I ever consulted it, I was lead down such a rocky road. I think that’s the main reason why God directed my attention to Nehemiah again; to show me how relevant the bible still is today. It is His living, breathing word; the roadmap that we should all follow.

In Anne’s study on Pg. 104, she had us look up Hebrews 4:12 which reads, “For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.” It most certainly does!

While doing a little research of my own for this blog I stumbled onto this verse:

“His word is always relevant and we should always seek it.” Isaiah 55:11

I thought that summed it up pretty nicely!

Conclusion
I realize now that I used Nehemiah (and the bible too for that matter) superficially before to accomplish my goals. Now I’m learning that I need to slow down and be more like him. Really understand what it was that he did and how he ultimately accomplished the vision placed in his heart by God. He prayed and obeyed God every step of the way. He was patient and acted only when the time was right, after God had cleared the way. He did not let his enemies (earthly or spiritual) distract him from God’s work. By doing all of that he was able to accomplish the seemingly impossible task of rebuilding the wall around Jerusalem in only 52 days. It was a true miracle and he proved that when God places a vision in your heart and mind, not only is it possible to accomplish the task, but highly probable!  The only thing that is impossible is trying to stop you!

I still have my vision. It is not dead. After the walls came crumbling down I thought it was, but just a few months later it started glimmering again. During these last few years I’ve been chasing that glimmer, but only by asking God for His guidance. In doing so I now see that it is MUCH different than I originally thought it to be. It is so much clearer now and it’s shining brighter than ever. No my vision is most certainly not dead. It is very much alive and well in my head and in my heart. I have no doubt that it was placed there by God and by seeking His wise council throughout, it will come to fruition. I have to be patient and act only when He says it’s time. If I find that I have to force something to happen, that’s a sure sign that it’s NOT the right time.
(UPDATE: To see this vision being put into action you can go check out my new design blog at www.RevYourRoom.com)

I think my whole Nehemiah journey has revealed to me that when you are praying and truthfully seeking God’s will, he will never let you fail. Even though at the time it seemed to me like I had failed. I thought that I must have completely missed the mark of His calling or I would have surely succeeded! I've discovered that when you make decisions based on what you think He is telling you to do, they are always the right decisions. I’m not saying you can never go wrong, I’m just saying that God can and will make all things right when you are honestly pursuing His will. You may feel like you made the wrong decision because it did not produce the outcome that you thought it would or should, but it was right in God’s eyes. I don’t think I was wrong to buy a new house. I don’t think I was wrong to pursue a different career path or to consult the bible. All of my perceived “failures” forced me to turn to Him and to realize that He is the only way to truly be successful in this life. To Him my decisions led to success! They brought me closer to Him.

Anne says it very eloquently on Pg. 26, “We are set apart to accomplish His purposes for our lives, not our own.” She later goes on to say, “He will grant you success in His Purposes for your life.”

After participating in my first bible study ever, I can now confidently say that God has completely restored my walls. Hopefully I am now better prepared for the next time they come tumbling down.

Fun Fact from my Full-Circle Moment
While writing this series I stumbled across something interesting. I remembered that in the Intro of the study, Anne had said that she found Nehemiah by accident. She had been studying prayer throughout scripture and got to a verse in Nehemiah when God prompted her to read his whole story. She had not set out to write a bible study, but that’s what resulted from her willingness to go where God called – Thank you Anne! So just a few days ago, out of curiosity, I asked her when she first accidentally found Nehemiah. Her answer…

“March 2007.” – I know!!!...EXACTLY the same time that I found him! Isn’t it so cool when you get a glimpse of how God knits everything together!  He’s AWESOME!!!

Thank you for reading my blog!  I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and that you are abundantly blessed in the New Year!!! 

My Boyfriend's Back - NEH Part III

“Dear God,
Thank you so much for reintroducing me to Nehemiah. Please forgive me for not digging deep enough the first time you introduced us. I am sure I could have avoided a lot of heartache. Instead I just took what I wanted from what you were showing me and ran ahead with my own plans. I know that you have already forgiven me as evidenced by your constant support and unfailing love. It’s been an awesome journey and I can’t wait for you to reveal more of your plan for my life! Thank you for never forsaking me! Amen!”

As you already know from NEH Part I and II of my blog, I hit a pretty rough patch. I honestly thought that I was being obedient to God and His plans for my life. When the walls crumbled and I found myself unemployed, I was in a state of shock, and I was embarrassed. I’d put myself out there. I didn’t play it safe, and besides hurting my pride, now our entire financial life was in ruins. I started to second guess every decision I’d made up to that point. Maybe I wasn’t really hearing from God at all. But after I called out to Him and started to obey His commands by being patient a strange thing happened…I found peace!

Which brings us to today (well actually a few months ago) – I found out through Facebook that one of my friends from high-school, Anne Resler, wrote a bible study (yes she wrote it – impressive I know!). And guess what it’s about?...Nehemiah! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read about it. Up to this point I had kind of forgotten about Nehemiah. He was like an old boyfriend who did me wrong and I really didn’t want to think back to that time - too many bad memories. But here he was again, knockin’ on my door, asking to come in. I couldn’t resist, I let him in.

Anne doesn’t live here anymore, so when a good friend of hers who does offered to lead the bible study, I jumped at the chance to participate. I had never participated in a bible study before, but I signed up anyway…I mean how could I not? For ten weeks we thoroughly explored the entire book of Nehemiah, which I’m now sure is what I should have done in the first place. He really is an inspiration and I can’t believe I gave up on him so easily. I have learned so much by studying God’s word through his story.

The bible study is titled, “Rising from the Ruins – Restoring the Broken Places of Our Lives.” It starts out asking us to really examine our own “ruins”. At this point I didn’t really think I had any ruins that were still in need of repair. As my story has told, I’ve been walking with God and thought that my wounds had been healed, my walls rebuilt. I had found my peace. But after going through this journey with Nehemiah I realized that they had not been completely restored. After studying his WHOLE story I have a much better understanding of my missteps along the way and why things went the way they did. I want to share with you just a few of the things that Nehemiah has taught me:

Patience
Looking back on my ruins always made me think that I’d done something wrong, disobeyed God, but what I’ve found is that it is quite the opposite. God would ask me to take a step in faith and I would obey. Except instead of taking one step, I’d take four! I was trying to take over for God…not being patient. It just never moved fast enough for me. If I was experiencing something painful, I just wanted to get through it as fast as possible so I could be done with it. Like a band-aid – just rip it off real fast so it doesn’t hurt as much! If it was something good that I was excited about, I just wanted to skip right to it…start instantly living the good life! When things didn’t go the way I thought they should, I immediately thought it was a course correction, like I hadn’t heard God right at all. I thought I’d made a mistake. What I wasn’t accounting for was that God knows the bigger picture and if I trust Him, He will use all things for good. I had not been trusting Him!

Anne makes such a good point in her study on Pg. 11 where she says, “God is sovereign and He always has a plan for the waiting. When He calls us to a time of waiting, it is always for His greater purpose in our life. Our passion cannot run ahead of God’s provision or the plan will become ours, not God’s.”

That’s exactly what I had been doing – running ahead, making it MY plan! To drive this point home even further, she says on Pg. 22, “[Nehemiah] did all of the groundwork and had everything in place BEFORE he shared what God put in his heart to do for Jerusalem.” She was referring to this verse:

NEH 2:11-12
“I went to Jerusalem, and after staying there three days I set out during the night with a few men. I had not told anyone what my God had put in my heart to do for Jerusalem…”

What?! Good to know! I could have used that information about four years ago! Remember the first time I visited NEH I was directed to 2:17-18, which told me that I should “share” my vision with others. So that’s exactly what I did and we know how that turned out. Funny thing is if I had done a little more due diligence and read the five or six verses prior to those, things might have worked out quite differently. By not being patient and trying to speed things up myself, I only succeeded at drastically slowing them down! If I had only trusted God the first time he told me to be patient, I probably could have realized my dream already and moved on to an even bigger one!

God is Our Protector and Defender
In examining my ruins I was reminded of another test of my faith which occurred while I was learning about patience. Practically every time I would tell someone my job-loss story they would respond the same way:

“Are you going to sue? They can’t get away with that? They owe you.”

To be honest, I really contemplated it. I even consulted with a lawyer who thought that I had a pretty solid case, but at what price? I asked myself what I really had to gain besides maybe a year’s worth of pay from a broken promise, and who knew how long that would take. It could be a slow, stressful process, not exactly good for a pregnant lady. And who exactly would I be getting back? Ultimately I would only end up hurting the one person that had been on my side through the whole ordeal – one of my favorite people, my old-boss. The others that had contributed to my ruination wouldn’t suffer a bit - they didn’t own the company. It would be no skin off their backs. Nope! - I decided to leave it in God’s hands, not the court’s, to serve justice and to bring me and my family through this difficult financial time. He is the higher power! I’m positive that’s what He wanted me to do, because He’s been taking great care of us ever since.

During this study I realized that this part of my story is a perfect example of God as defender. The bible says in Proverbs 18:10, “The name of the LORD is a strong tower, the righteous run to it and are safe.”

This image is so beautiful to me, especially when Anne ties it together with Nehemiah’s efforts to rebuild the wall. She says on Pg. 33, “Just as the physical structure of a tower along a city wall was proposed for protection, defense, and safeguarding a city, scripture teaches us that our LORD God does the same for us…[He is] our Protector, Defender, and the one who Safeguards us in our journey. He is positioned next to our weak and vulnerable places [just like the towers are positioned next to the gates in the wall].” On Pg. 35 she goes on to call Him our “escort” – “He protects us. He defends us. Whatever we need to carry out His cause on the earth. He will be our divine escort on the journey. He is our personal armed guard.” Looking back I can definitely see that He has escorted me safely out of many difficult situations (remember my first business venture)!

When I was suddenly left job-less I felt many emotions. Besides being scared for the future, I felt angry and humiliated! How could they break their promise like that? I wanted them to pay. I wanted to defend myself and send a message that they couldn’t treat me like that and just get away with it unscathed. I wanted to sue them! But thankfully I was already trusting God and He gave me the peace I needed to deal with all of those emotions. Who knows – if I had decided to take matters of justice into my own hands I might still be dealing with that mess today. Ugh - that would suck!  Looking back, I now know that making the decision to let God do the defending and protecting for me, was the final piece to finding my peace.

And there actually was some redemption when the tail that was wagging the dog fell off anyway. About three months after my “trial”, two of my main objectors, the ones that everyone was trying so hard to please, left the firm anyway and started their own. Ahhh – a little sweet justice! And just think if I had actually started working there, I would have been blamed for that! There is a God and He is good! I’m so glad I trusted Him. He knows what is best for me, and that was not it!

My next post will be the fourth and final one of the series. I have a little bit more to share about what I’ve learned from Nehemiah and then I promise I’ll wrap it up. I hope you are finding it inspiring…or something! Be on the lookout for Nehemiah’s Grand Finale – NEH Part IV.

Screw Nehemiah - NEH Part II

“Dear God,
How could you LET this happen? I thought I was doing exactly what you wanted me to do. I thought I was obeying. I started going to church, I stopped borrowing money, I’ve been tithing faithfully for years…what am I supposed to do now? Why would you lead me to Nehemiah and inspire and encourage me like that? I went for it. I stepped out in faith to rebuild my own personal wall and did more harm than good. You know what – screw Nehemiah! I’m sorry God but I’m upset! The ruins are now worse and I don’t know how to fix them! Please help me - help me understand what I’m doing wrong. I know that I can’t make it through this without you, but apparently I’m not hearing you very well. Show me what I’m missing. What have I done to cause this to happen? Please forgive me for whatever it is and thank you for loving me regardless – Amen!”

Monday, September 17, 2007 – I sat there stunned, alone in my car, tears falling onto the phone in my lap. Seriously…what just happened? I was dressed for work and ready to go. I had just dropped my daughter off at school, kindergarten, where she would go for half a day and then catch a bus over to daycare. I wasn’t thrilled with this arrangement, but it’s what you’ve got to do when you’re a working mom right?

*If you haven’t already read How I Met Nehemiah – NEH Part I, posted on Dec. 17, 2010, I suggest you do so now.

So back to 2007…I was supposed to start my new job that day, the new job that I had totally conceived of and created for myself. The new, bigger, better job that I thought was a blessing from God since He’s the one who gave me the vision in the first place. And then I even consulted His advice by turning to the bible. And there was my answer right there, under the word “Vision”, the ONLY reference was to Nehemiah 2:17-18. So I took ol’ Nehemiah’s example and ran with it. I mean it just doesn’t get any clearer than that does it?! Then tell me, how could I have possibly just heard those words from one of my favorite people in the world?...

“I’m going to have to rescind my offer”, said my old-boss who was supposed to be my new-boss starting that very day.

Once again, the walls were crumbling. I can’t say that it was a total surprise. I’d had a foreshadowing the week before, but I never thought it would turn out like this. When word at the company had gotten around that I would be returning there was some serious push-back. Unlike Nehemiah, I was failing to inspire with my vision. Apparently people really don’t like change and I was coming back with plans to make all kinds of changes. In my talks with the principal partners we had anticipated this reaction to some degree but I was told they were not running a democracy and that their word was final. Anyone opposed would just have to learn to deal with it. Obviously that was not reality and they had a serious case of the tail wagging the dog! The week before, the masses had started to protest so loudly with their pitchforks in hand, that an emergency meeting was called.

In attendance: Me, my old-boss, the other two principals, a designer (who used to work for me and was apparently none-too-thrilled with our new arrangement - looking back I can't really say that I blame her), two other architects and the marketing person (none of whom I’d ever worked with before but they all thought I was stepping on their toes in a big way!)

I will forever refer to this meeting as “My Trial”. Now I’ve never actually been on trial, but this is what I imagine it would feel like. The trial took place in the living room of one of the principal’s homes, and even though he had previously approved of my hiring, he had now taken up the neutral position of what he called “mediator” (you don’t want to know what I called it)! We were all sort of sitting in a circle around the room but it was really more like an egg-shape with me and my old-boss sitting at the smaller end facing the surrounding angry mob. I was like the criminal on trial and he was my counsel, not only defending me, but also his decision to hire me.

After a couple of hours of cross-examination, we concluded the trial with no real verdict. Everyone decided that they would continue to deliberate over the remainder of the week. I was leaving the next day on a short family vacation, and would not be back until the weekend. I was supposed to start work the following Monday so my old-boss and I agreed that I would call first before showing up to work.

You already know what happened on that call. I was suddenly unemployed with a new, bigger, better mortgage and a second baby on the way. How are we going to pay for all this? I was virtually unemployable for the next nine months. Let’s face it, nobody wants to hire someone that can’t travel too far and is then going to take leave for three months!

So as I continued to cry and pray, I asked Him,

“What do you want me to do? Whatever it is, I will do it!” What I heard in response was,

“Trust me. Be patient. I will let you know when you need to act. Until then accept this time as a gift”.

Hmm, I like gifts.  “Okay, I’ll be patient”, I said somewhat skeptical, “But you’re going to have to help me explain this to my husband, my family, my friends, and anyone else who might think that I have totally lost it!”

“Done!” He said, and then He reminded me that my old-boss had offered me a month’s pay of my would-have-been salary for all of the turmoil.

“Trust me”, He repeated, “It’s enough. Be patient.”

This wasn’t the first time that He told me to be patient, but I think it was the first time that I actually listened. And let me just say that it went against every fiber of my being to not be out there trying to fix the situation. But God proved Himself faithful when that money turned out to be EXACTLY what we needed to get us through to the end of the year. And then my husband got his year-end bonus, the biggest one he’d ever had, and along with some careful planning, that was enough to get us through to the next year!

It was at this point that I realized that I could completely trust God. Just like he walked us out of the mess I created with my first business venture, he would walk us out of this one - a mess that was created by the hurt from the loss of my baby. Rather than being patient and allowing Him to heal that hurt, I ran as fast as I could away from that pain in pursuit of the better plans that He had promised.

Realizing that I was not able to fix ANYthing (I was actually making things worse), and knowing that we had enough money for a little while, allowed me to relax and let go. I quit worrying about getting a job (which was a little unnerving for my husband as he now shouldered all of the financial responsibility) and started to see this time as exactly what it was - a GIFT! Now I would have more time to spend with my daughter. She wouldn’t have to go to aftercare anymore (remember - I was less than impressed with that arrangement anyway)! I could rest and just focus on having a happy pregnancy and a healthy baby. And that’s exactly what I did, giving birth to my beautiful son on Valentine’s Day of all days!

He is now almost three years old. We still live in our new, bigger, better house and we have not had to borrow any more money to do so. As a matter of fact, we are poised to be completely debt-free (except for the house) very soon. I must mention that my husband is an excellent provider and he has been keeping the faith right along with me!  The past three years have been nothing short of a miracle. We are so blessed and these trials that we continue to go through have made our marriage even stronger and brought our family closer together. God really does know what He is doing. I am now perfectly content to let Him handle things!

You may be wondering what happened to my relationship with Nehemiah. Do I still hold a grudge against him for leading me so astray? How does my story inspire anyone to consult the bible when looking for answers? When I went there I found him, but following his example certainly didn’t seem to work out at all! Well stay tuned for my next post because, My Boyfriend’s Back – NEH Part III.

How I Met Nehemiah - NEH Part I

“Dear God,
Thank you for giving me a vision and the understanding that I need to share my vision with others. Thank you that this sharing has resulted in a new job for me with better pay, more responsibility and control, and also the resources and ability to bring my vision to light! Thank you for introducing me to Nehemiah. I am inspired by his pursuit of his vision to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem. I am ready to start my own rebuilding. Amen!”

I was introduced to Nehemiah in March 2007 which resulted in this prayer a few months later. Over the last four years he has taken me on quite a journey, meaning there is no possible way to cover it in just one blog post. So I’ll hit the high points and skip the details because they can make up entire testimonials on there own. This is Part I of a four-part series. My intent is to post them all a few days apart, before the end of the year (2010). So let’s get started...

God and I had grown quite close over the past few years. I had started a franchise remodeling business and had borrowed a lot of money to do it. It didn’t take long to realize I was in way over my head. It was then that I really started seeking God’s guidance. I’d always believed in Him and prayed to Him, but never really consulted Him on what I should be doing. To be quite honest I didn’t even know that I was supposed to. Up to that point I could count on one hand the number of times I’d attended a church service. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that when I finally did ask Him what to do, He sent me to church.

I loved church and through my growing relationship with God, I started to understand that I had to get out of this business venture. Being in debt is never a good thing and in order to stay afloat we would have to borrow even more money. The stakes were becoming too high for our family. I consulted God every step of the way. Almost immediately I had a buyer for my franchise, debt was being forgiven, a new tenant resumed my office lease, and on top of all that, a new job fell right into my lap without me even looking for it. God provided the path, took my hand, and escorted me right out of that mess with hardly a scratch, proving once again that He never abandons.

Although my new job was not exactly a perfect fit, I just knew God had me there for a reason. After all, we were close to being out of debt and thrilled to find out that baby number two was on the way. And then I had a life-altering experience. At 8 weeks, I lost our baby…CRASH! My walls were crumbling! I thought I was doing everything right. I didn’t understand and I asked God,

“Why are you punishing me?”

“I’m not,” He replied. “I just have different, better plans for you. Be patient.”

Well as someone who likes to think they're in control, I’m not very patient…and what could be better than a baby? After my miscarriage I was in such a funk that I downright despised going to work. I mean really what was the point? So in my typical, not-so-patient fashion, I set about to create a point. I decided that we needed a new, bigger, better, house. Yes – this would surely fix everything! If I couldn’t have my baby then by gosh the rest of my life was going to look the way I wanted!

Then in the midst of that process I decided I also needed a new bigger, better, job. In my mind a vision was forming. I was heading up my own interior design firm (if you don’t already know, I am a professional interior designer). I was full of ideas about how interior designers and architects could work together more cohesively, not only to design better projects but also make them more profitable. I was certain this vision was from God. I mean surely if His better plans didn’t include a baby they must include a successful career, right?!

After some pondering I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t have any money and I’d already learned that it’s never wise to borrow it. So I decided to try something new. I consulted God’s word. Yep – it only took me 35 years to figure out that I should crack open a bible every now and then.

Not really knowing what I was doing, I looked up the word “vision” in the back of the bible. There was only one reference which read,

“inspire others with yours…NEH 2:17-18.”

This is the precise moment that Nehemiah entered my life. If you’re not familiar with Nehemiah (I’d never even heard of him), he is from the Old Testament and was responsible for bringing God’s chosen people back together to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem. To sum up verses 17-18, he basically has a conversation with city officials telling them that although the city lies in ruins, the gracious hand of God had been upon him and that it was time to rebuild the wall. The city officials agreed, so they began the good work.

It was a nice passage, but what really got me was the Cliff’s Notes at the bottom of the page, you know, that running commentary written by someone way smarter than you to basically translate the message that God wants you to know. From the Life Application Study Bible, New Living Translation, this is what it said:

“Spiritual renewal often begins with one person’s vision. Nehemiah had a vision, and he shared it with enthusiasm, inspiring Jerusalem’s leaders to rebuild the walls. We frequently underestimate people and don’t challenge them with our dreams for God’s work in the world. When God plants an idea in your mind to accomplish something for him, share it with others and trust the Holy Spirit to impress them with similar thoughts. Don’t regard yourself as the only one through whom God is working. Often God uses one person to express the vision and others to turn it into reality. When you encourage and inspire others, you put teamwork into action to accomplish God’s goals.”

So that was it! In order to rebuild my own personal wall I needed to share my vision with others, and I knew just the right person - my old-boss. He’s a principal partner at the architectural firm where I got my start right out of college and worked my way up to being an associate partner. I had left on good terms choosing to spend more time with my newborn daughter. We had kept in touch since my departure and he knew all about my business venture (and failure) and my new job. He was and still is one of my favorite people on the planet, so of course he was the perfect person with which to share my vision. Not only is he a visionary himself, but he could provide the resources that I would need to put this plan into action.

So I called him up, we had a meeting, he was intrigued. He asked me to put together a brief business plan outlining my proposal that he could take to the other partners. I did. He shared, which kicked off a round of various interview type meetings over the course of the next six months. Finally in August he hired me to head up a new interior design branch of the firm. Implementing my ideas, we were going to take it in a whole new direction. I was to start in September.

During that same six months we sold our old house and moved into the new, bigger, better one. We also unexpectedly (and much to our delight) got pregnant again and passed that iffy first trimester. I was flying high! A new house, a baby on the way, and a new higher-paying job that was more suited to my talents. God had placed a vision in my heart and by seeking His will through His word I had obeyed and doors had been opened. I just knew we were going to be wildly successful, I mean with God on my side, what could possibly go wrong?...To be continued in Part II – Screw Nehemiah!

Forgive My Fear

“Dear God,
Thank you so much for all of the blessings that you give to me and my family. Please forgive me for my guilt, my fear, my lack of faith. Please forgive me because I’m grateful that it didn’t happen to me!”

This is probably not going to be my greatest post of all time, mostly because I don’t even want to write it. I just want to stop thinking about it - It being death. But I can’t and I won’t be able to move on to the next post (something I actually want to think about) until I’ve gotten this one out of my head and off of my heart. So here it goes…

This has probably been the worst summer ever. Not for me, but for a lot of people I know. I know 3 people that have died this summer, 3 unrelated, individual deaths. I did not know any of them on a real personal level, not even well enough to attend their funerals. But I am close to some of the people they left behind and it is those people, their loved ones that I can’t get off my mind. They are the ones that I pray for. They are the ones my heart breaks for. They are the ones that have been occupying the space in mind that is prone to worry and ponder. How will they go on? How will they pick themselves up and continue to live life?

So as I pay my respect to the following dearly departed, I also pray for their loved ones that have been left behind, shattered - People whom I also love.

A 13-year old boy. My friend’s grandson, killed in an ATV accident on Memorial weekend. I don’t know the rest of the family at all, but I know he left behind his mom and dad and 16-year old sister. I can’t stop thinking about what I would have done had I lost my little brother when I was only 16. My heart especially breaks for her.

A dad. A grandpa. My close friend’s father-in-law, killed by an inoperable brain tumor. His first symptoms and diagnosis at the beginning of June. Gone before August. I do not know my friend’s husband well, but my heart goes out to him. I can’t even imagine what it feels like to lose a parent, especially when you are close like they were - Like me and my parents are.

A husband. A young dad – 35. My brother’s best friend’s brother, killed in a medical helicopter accident. He was a flight nurse on his way to save someone else. He died tragically, yet honorably. My brother grew up with both of them and they were only one year apart. They continued to be friends until this day. My brother was with his friend, fishing, when his parents called to let him know about the accident. Again, I’m not close to the young man’s family, but I am close to my brother, and he is hurting. What if that happened to my best friend…my brother, my husband, my son?

I know that all 3 are in a far better place, finally free of their earthly shackles. It is all of those who loved them, left behind, that I now pray for. I have lifted them up in prayer what seems like a hundred times. But it doesn’t matter how many times I do it, it won’t change what happened. I wish it would. And I feel guilty because while I mean what I’m praying for them, I can’t stop thinking, “I’m glad it isn’t me”! And then I enter a downward shame spiral over the fact that that’s what I’m thinking! Only then the guilt turns to fear, because I know that someday it is going to be me. Someday I will be the one to suffer the unthinkable loss. My world shattered. My daily existence, the core of my being, altered forever. And someday I will be the one to die, shattering and altering my loved ones forever. It is a thought which I can hardly stand. And I’m left with the inevitable truth that it doesn’t matter how blessed I am, how grateful I am, how sinful I am, how obedient I am. How fat or thin I am, how rich or poor I am. Death is an inescapable part of life and we will all be touched by it.

I have experienced death of a love one before, but never of the same magnitude as these 3 - Never a parent, a child, a brother, a close friend. In that way I have lived such a blessed life. I should thank God for that everyday, but sometimes I’m afraid, like if I actually start thanking Him I might call attention to the fact that I have never really experienced anything that life-shattering. I know that I do not deserve to escape such loss anymore than anyone else. If I remind God of this by thanking Him, maybe He will then decide it is my due. I know that is silly. God already knows exactly what I have and have not experienced and what I will experience in the future. I know He loves me and all of His children. I know that He has plans for me, to prosper me and not to harm me (Jeremiah 29:11). But still, sometimes the silly side of me wins.

So how do you deal with the truth of death once you’ve admitted it or actually experienced it? The only way I know of is to turn to God. To have faith that He has prepared a home for us infinitely better than this life. A home where God and all of our loved ones await our arrival for the greatest reunion of all time!

“Until then God, I humbly ask you to forgive me for the guilt, shame, and fear I have about death and will no doubt continue to have all the rest of my days. And as I know that you have already forgiven me, I too forgive you for the loss I will someday have to face. I have faith that whatever that loss looks like or feels like; I will be able to endure with you by my side. Thank you God for not giving me a spirit of fear; but one of power, and love, and of a sound mind! (2 Timothy 1:7).”

“I also want to especially pray that you continue to comfort and heal the hearts of those suffering the loss of Nick, Art, and Ryan! May they Rest in Peace! It is in Jesus name that I pray for them all – Amen!”

God Is In the Strangest Places!

“Dear God, I have been feeling sorry for myself. I’m tired of praying. I’ve been doing it for awhile now and for the first time that I can really remember it’s becoming clear that those prayers will not be answered. At least not the way I would like for them to be. I must admit I’ve been feeling pretty abandoned. Where have you been? I thought I could always count on you. Why are you letting this happen?”

I don’t know that I actually said this as a prayer. But I do remember that is how I felt for a long time after my dad left in the summer between my freshman and sophomore year of college. My parents had actually announced their divorce 6 months prior. To say it was a shock would be putting it mildly. I’d been fortunate enough to grow up and graduate with both my parents seemingly, happily married. How did this happen? Apparently a lot had transpired over the past year of which I was completely oblivious. I had been wrapped up in prom and high school graduation. After that I was completely immersed in being a college freshman and a sorority pledge. Life was good! But during my first winter break my parents dropped the divorce bombshell and my dad moved out – for a day. And then for whatever reason, he changed his mind, returning the next day, apologizing, and saying that he had made a mistake and that he and my mom were going to work it out. I believed him and returned to college trying to live out my freshman year in ignorant bliss (a.k.a. denial). I remember a friend of mine bluntly saying to me,

“You know they’re going to get divorced don’t you?”

And as mad as I was at him for saying that – he was right. I was devastated.

There is obviously a lot more to this story, but rather than dwell on the depressing details, I’d like to focus on the turn around. The moment I began to heal. I can pinpoint it exactly, the instant when God reached out to me and said,

“I’m here and I will never leave you”.

It was late into fall semester sophomore year. I had been really down and somewhat withdrawn. I went home every weekend to make sure my brother and mom were okay and to just be close to them. I refused to speak to my dad. I did not invite him to the University’s Dad’s Day. I was angry, not only at him, but also at God. I stopped talking to Him too. He was no longer invited into my life either. But here’s where I learned one of the greatest lessons about His love…He’s not that easy to get away from! Let me just say that God shows up in the most unexpected places –

Like the bathroom stall at my sorority house. I know it’s not a pleasant visual but I’m sure that it was only #1!  Anyway, on the back of each stall door there was always a printed calendar that one of my “sisters” so painstakingly put together each month. Besides keeping us all apprised of our upcoming activities, there were always fun little musings, quotes, jokes, etc. that were incorporated into each month’s calendar.

So I was reading the calendar and this one little box just jumped out and practically smacked me in the face. It read,

“God never closes one door without opening another. He didn’t deliver you this far to desert you now”.

I couldn’t take me eyes off that box. A whole new world opened up to me in an instant. I kept rereading it. It was as if it had been written just for me. Lord only knows how long I was actually in that stall. As hot tears streaked my face, I remember feeling comforted and kind of happy for the first time in a long time. I suddenly knew that somehow everything was going to be alright. It was then that I realized that God may not always answer our prayers the way we want him to, but he will never abandon us! It was in a word - Relief!

After that I had an overwhelming need to share this message with my mom and simply telling her about it just wasn’t going to cut it. Now I am not a real crafty person, but I had this undeniable urge to create something tangible to serve as a visual reminder that God is always with us. Much like I was reminded every time I stepped foot in that bathroom for the next month. So I cross-stitched the saying for her, (yeah you heard me…cross-stitched) hoping that it would have the same profound effect on her that it had on me. I hoped it would bring her some much needed comfort. I like to think that it did. She had it framed and to this day it is still hanging in her house, ironically in her bathroom! I don’t even think she knows that’s where I got the saying.

My healing did not happen overnight and I don’t mean for this story to imply otherwise. But I can tell you that I went into that stall a sad defeated little girl and emerged changed forever. My parents’ divorce is the worst and best thing that has ever happened to me, and to steal a saying from my mom, “If that’s the worst thing that ever happens to you, you’re pretty well off!" – I agree! Thankfully the worst part is over and with God’s help I was able to forgive and move on. I have gained such an appreciative perspective that only time can give.  The experience not only brought me closer to God but also to my mom, brother, and eventually my dad.  The best part though is remembering how God chased me down in a bathroom stall and refused to let me go! Amen for that!

7-Year Anniversary Miracle

“Dear God,
Please forgive me for going into debt again. This time I have no excuse. I know better. Dave Ramsey was all over us. And we did get out of debt, everything but the house and student loan. But then I got the itch to start my own business, a franchise none the less, and went ahead and dove in, borrowing money all the way! I convinced myself that it was OK to borrow money in order to “make money”, knowing full well that Dave would not endorse this plan! So now here I sit knowing that you are talking directly to me through our Pastor, letting me know that it’s gotten out of hand. I hear you! I promise no more borrowing - not even for the business! Starting today! Please forgive me and help me untangle this mess! Thank you! Amen!”

So that was my prayer while sitting in church back in 2005, and I meant it with all my heart. The problem I realized when I awoke the next day was that it was my 7-year wedding anniversary and we were supposed to eat dinner that night at what I would consider the absolute best and probably most expensive restaurant in town. You know the kind of place with crisp white tablecloths where they scrape away your bread crumbs and fold your napkin while you’re away. The kind of place where no matter how hard you try, you cannot possibly get out of there for less than $100, plus where’s the fun in that? Needless to say, we did not have cash for this and would have to put it on the credit card, just one day after I had promised God that I would not be doing that anymore. So you’re probably thinking “What’s the big deal? Just eat somewhere less expensive”. But it was a big deal and here’s why:

This particular restaurant opened within a year of our wedding. It had been getting such rave reviews that we decided to splurge and celebrate our 1st anniversary there. The next day we left on a trip to San Francisco and ate at some fabulous restaurants, but we both agreed that the best meal we’d had all week was the one back home. So we have celebrated our anniversary at that same restaurant ever since. It’s now a tradition and something we look forward to every year!

So flash-forward 6 years and there I was, with my newfound conscience…why couldn’t I have skipped church that week? My husband Jace had even taken it upon himself to handle all the arrangements that year. He made the reservation (without me reminding or prodding) and set up babysitting. How was I going to break it to him that we just couldn’t go this year? I hadn’t exactly consulted him before making this promise. When I floated the idea of cancelling past him he just kind of gave me this “you-better-not-be-serious” look!

Tensions were high, so I was relieved to have lunch plans with my dear friend Tiffeni. (Please don’t judge my hypocritical lunch plans, there’s a big difference between $15 and $150)! So I’m telling Tiffeni all about my dilemma, knowing that she will understand. Ever since we were in college she’s been enlightening me in the ways of the Lord. Thank goodness this was one of those times. She told me that she thought God would understand our need to keep our date. It wasn’t like we just decided on a whim to go there. It was our thing, our ritual, and God appreciates ritual, especially when it concerns marriage. She said that while getting out of debt was no doubt important to God, so was our marriage and we should celebrate it in our usual fashion!

After lunch I felt much better (it didn’t hurt that Tiff took pity on me and bought my lunch on top of all her good advice)! I told Jace about our conversation and my new and improved outlook on the situation. We should just go to dinner, relax, have fun, and not worry about the money. And that’s exactly what we did!

While at the restaurant our server said she noticed that it was our 7th anniversary and that we had been celebrating there every year (apparently Jace had given some pretty good details in the “Special Occasion?” section of the online reservation– more points for him). She said that was pretty cool and since we were probably getting sick of the “standard” complimentary dessert that you get on special occasions, she was going to let us pick ANY dessert from the menu. What a treat! Although the standard was very good, we’d always looked at the other items with a hint of wonder. I felt somewhat comforted by this gesture in that perhaps God was giving us his approval for going ahead with our extravagant celebration.

When our server came back with our dessert we were excited to dig in. But as she set it in front of us she pulled out our bill and said,

“I’m going to go ahead and leave this with you but want to let you know that my manager is so appreciative that you’ve chosen to celebrate with us all these years that tonight your entire meal is on the house”.

What?! Jace and I just stared at each other for a few seconds. This was entirely unheard of…our $145 bill vanished in an instant. I held it together until our server was gone and then I just started to cry! I said to Jace,

“God is sitting right here at this table with us, right now”!

It was true, He was. We could feel Him. It was like He was just giving us a big ol’ warm hug. Like He was letting us know that He was proud of us and our love for one another. He knew that my promise to Him to stop the borrowing was real and one that I intended to keep. It was His anniversary gift to us!

It has not escaped my attention that this was our 7th anniversary. Instead of the so-called “7-year itch”, we experienced a 7-year miracle. The number 7 has great biblical significance and is said to symbolize God’s perfection. And that’s exactly what our 7th anniversary was – Perfection! This was a time when God and I were in direct communication. We are not always so close and I don’t always hear from Him so clearly, but I know that is my fault. Sometimes I forget to put God first and in those times when I don’t feel as close to him I remember this anniversary miracle. It reminds me that when I intentionally seek Him and His will for me, He is always there to respond. This is by far my favorite personal story to tell when trying to convey the depth of God’s love for us. It is not exclusive. He has equal love for each and every one of us. All we have to do to receive it is believe it!

***UPDATE***  This post now has a sequel that I think you will enjoy!  Click here to read it.