It's Time to Say Grace!

“Dear God,
Thank you for providing us with this beautiful meal. And thank you for all of our family and friends, especially those here at this table and also those that could not be with us today. Thank you for loving us and blessing us. And thank you so much for sending us your one and only son so that we may live these extraordinary lives. It is in His name we pray – Amen!”

At least that’s how I remember it. It was short and sweet, not the most eloquent prayer ever, but nonetheless the best one I’ve ever delivered. You see, yesterday (Nov. 25, 2010) was Thanksgiving and it’s the first time in all my 39 years that I’ve ever said grace or even prayed out loud, alone, in front of a group of people. Some of you may be shocked by this because you pray out loud for people all the time. It just comes naturally to you, almost like breathing. Well let me clue you in on the fact that there is a whole other group of people out there, Christ followers even like me that break out in a cold sweat just at the thought of praying out loud!

If you haven’t figured out from my blog yet, I pray by myself all the time. It’s like I have this on-going conversation with God all day long. From when I wake in the morning to when I go to bed at night. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not implying that I am a perfect pray-er, far from it, and some days I’m better than others. But even though I talk to Him a lot, I often forget to actually consult Him first – duh! Or I start talking to Him when I need something – sound familiar? But for the most part I feel like He is my best friend that I can share with at anytime. I mean I might as well right? He knows what I’m thinking and feeling anyway so I might as well purposely include Him in my internal dialogue. I know when I do it always helps me keep a clear head and make the best decisions possible.

So my point to all of this is that it may seem strange that I’ve never prayed out loud in front of others even to say grace. I guess I feel like my relationship with God is very personal and I’m very protective of it. I don’t really want to include others in it. Kind of like when you’re a teenager (immature) and you don’t want your best friend to have any other friends besides you. But as I’ve become a more “mature” Christian I’ve realized that God wants me to share this special relationship because it is available to everyone. And unlike our earthly relationships, He is capable of being there for all us, one-on-one, anytime, anywhere, for as long as we want. After all He is God – I mean He only created us!

So when I woke up yesterday morning I started praying about something, totally unrelated to Thanksgiving, that’s set to happen next week and I’ve been worrying about it. I don’t like to worry, so I usually just take it to God to release me of it. He has this awesome way of giving me peace. So as I’m praying about it, out of the blue He just tells me that I need to say grace today at lunch.

What?! Where’d that come from? We’re talking about next week! Not today’s meal…I’m not worried about today.

But therein lies the beauty of the situation, I stopped worrying about next week, because I was now worried about what I was going to say today at grace!  Ha – what a sense of humor our God has. But I actually didn’t worry about it too much because once I got out of bed I was busy preparing for the meal up to the time. So I obeyed Him and I said it and I don’t think anyone even blinked an eye over it. I’m probably the only one who felt the least bit uncomfortable about it, with the exception of my daughter who leaned over and whispered to me,

“What did you just do?”

“I prayed!” I hissed back, embarrassed that she didn’t even recognize what I was doing.

“Oh” she said, “I didn’t do it.” Probably because her mind was so busy trying to figure out what had come over her mother!

So the real moral of the story is that I did it and I’m glad because EVERY time I obey God it benefits me - maybe not immediately, but eventually. In this case I believe I got the immediate satisfaction about not worrying about next week. It’s useless anyway, just like the bible says:

Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:34 NLT)

So today I woke up thinking about how profound the whole situation had been and again He called me to action. He told me to blog about it and share my story with you all! I believe the lesson here is to always be thankful and obey God (which is something that He constantly has to remind me)! He knows what’s best for us! It’s been a wonderful Thanksgiving, I hope for you all as well! – Thank you God for everything!

Forgive My Fear

“Dear God,
Thank you so much for all of the blessings that you give to me and my family. Please forgive me for my guilt, my fear, my lack of faith. Please forgive me because I’m grateful that it didn’t happen to me!”

This is probably not going to be my greatest post of all time, mostly because I don’t even want to write it. I just want to stop thinking about it - It being death. But I can’t and I won’t be able to move on to the next post (something I actually want to think about) until I’ve gotten this one out of my head and off of my heart. So here it goes…

This has probably been the worst summer ever. Not for me, but for a lot of people I know. I know 3 people that have died this summer, 3 unrelated, individual deaths. I did not know any of them on a real personal level, not even well enough to attend their funerals. But I am close to some of the people they left behind and it is those people, their loved ones that I can’t get off my mind. They are the ones that I pray for. They are the ones my heart breaks for. They are the ones that have been occupying the space in mind that is prone to worry and ponder. How will they go on? How will they pick themselves up and continue to live life?

So as I pay my respect to the following dearly departed, I also pray for their loved ones that have been left behind, shattered - People whom I also love.

A 13-year old boy. My friend’s grandson, killed in an ATV accident on Memorial weekend. I don’t know the rest of the family at all, but I know he left behind his mom and dad and 16-year old sister. I can’t stop thinking about what I would have done had I lost my little brother when I was only 16. My heart especially breaks for her.

A dad. A grandpa. My close friend’s father-in-law, killed by an inoperable brain tumor. His first symptoms and diagnosis at the beginning of June. Gone before August. I do not know my friend’s husband well, but my heart goes out to him. I can’t even imagine what it feels like to lose a parent, especially when you are close like they were - Like me and my parents are.

A husband. A young dad – 35. My brother’s best friend’s brother, killed in a medical helicopter accident. He was a flight nurse on his way to save someone else. He died tragically, yet honorably. My brother grew up with both of them and they were only one year apart. They continued to be friends until this day. My brother was with his friend, fishing, when his parents called to let him know about the accident. Again, I’m not close to the young man’s family, but I am close to my brother, and he is hurting. What if that happened to my best friend…my brother, my husband, my son?

I know that all 3 are in a far better place, finally free of their earthly shackles. It is all of those who loved them, left behind, that I now pray for. I have lifted them up in prayer what seems like a hundred times. But it doesn’t matter how many times I do it, it won’t change what happened. I wish it would. And I feel guilty because while I mean what I’m praying for them, I can’t stop thinking, “I’m glad it isn’t me”! And then I enter a downward shame spiral over the fact that that’s what I’m thinking! Only then the guilt turns to fear, because I know that someday it is going to be me. Someday I will be the one to suffer the unthinkable loss. My world shattered. My daily existence, the core of my being, altered forever. And someday I will be the one to die, shattering and altering my loved ones forever. It is a thought which I can hardly stand. And I’m left with the inevitable truth that it doesn’t matter how blessed I am, how grateful I am, how sinful I am, how obedient I am. How fat or thin I am, how rich or poor I am. Death is an inescapable part of life and we will all be touched by it.

I have experienced death of a love one before, but never of the same magnitude as these 3 - Never a parent, a child, a brother, a close friend. In that way I have lived such a blessed life. I should thank God for that everyday, but sometimes I’m afraid, like if I actually start thanking Him I might call attention to the fact that I have never really experienced anything that life-shattering. I know that I do not deserve to escape such loss anymore than anyone else. If I remind God of this by thanking Him, maybe He will then decide it is my due. I know that is silly. God already knows exactly what I have and have not experienced and what I will experience in the future. I know He loves me and all of His children. I know that He has plans for me, to prosper me and not to harm me (Jeremiah 29:11). But still, sometimes the silly side of me wins.

So how do you deal with the truth of death once you’ve admitted it or actually experienced it? The only way I know of is to turn to God. To have faith that He has prepared a home for us infinitely better than this life. A home where God and all of our loved ones await our arrival for the greatest reunion of all time!

“Until then God, I humbly ask you to forgive me for the guilt, shame, and fear I have about death and will no doubt continue to have all the rest of my days. And as I know that you have already forgiven me, I too forgive you for the loss I will someday have to face. I have faith that whatever that loss looks like or feels like; I will be able to endure with you by my side. Thank you God for not giving me a spirit of fear; but one of power, and love, and of a sound mind! (2 Timothy 1:7).”

“I also want to especially pray that you continue to comfort and heal the hearts of those suffering the loss of Nick, Art, and Ryan! May they Rest in Peace! It is in Jesus name that I pray for them all – Amen!”

24 Hour Turnaround

“Dear God,
Please let something good happen to Tricia today! I woke up thinking (worrying) about her. She’s not doing so great. She’s been so faithful and patient throughout this trial and it just seems like one bad thing after another. I get the feeling that both her patience and her faith are starting to wane. Please give her something, ANYthing that will renew her strength and peace. Something that could only be from You. By no means am I trying to tell you how to do your job, but could you please make it today? She could really use a boost! Thank you for loving us! – Amen!”

If you’ve read my 1st post ever (Jan 2010) you know that Tricia is my best friend of 25 years. You also know that she went through a divorce and a month after finalizing that she was downsized from her job as a pharmaceutical rep. It was a conversation that we had that prompted me start this blog. If you haven’t already read that 1st post I encourage you to do so now. This is the follow-up.

I said the above prayer before getting out of bed one morning. At the time Tricia had been out of work for almost a year and the stress was really starting to get her down. Leads on jobs were few and far between. I wanted to call her right away to check on how she was doing, but thought I should probably give God at least a little time to work His magic. About 3 hours later my phone rang and it was her. I was just sure she was calling me with some good news. Even if it was just to say that she was in better spirits – I would consider that a prayer answered. So I picked up the phone…

“Hellooo…?” I said with anticipation.

“Oh my gosh! You’re never going to believe what happened to me!”

“What?” I asked, thinking this was going to be good!

“I went to take a bath this morning and when the tub was full I went to turn off the water but it wouldn’t turn off! It just kept running and running and I had to unplug the tub so that it wouldn’t overflow. Can you believe that? I mean how much worse can things get? There’s a plumber here right now trying to fix it.”

“Well…is he at least cute?” I asked trying to figure out an angle as to how this situation could be used for good.

“NO he’s not cute! Doesn’t the phrase ‘plumber’s crack’ mean anything to you? Plus it’s still early and he already smells like a sewer!”

At that we both burst out laughing! I mean seriously how much worse could it get?! By this point it was just comical! And then to add to the humor of it all, I told her about the prayer I’d said for her that morning (more laughter). As we tried to recover from our giggling she did manage to say that maybe I should keep my prayers to myself. Either that or be much more specific about what I wanted for her! Then she asked if she could call me back because the plumber needed to speak with her.

“OK” I said, “just breathe through your mouth!” – more giggles!

When she called back she was in much better spirits because not only had the plumber fixed the problem but he also fixed the leak that she’d had prior, and he did it all for under $200. We thought that was pretty good considering that it was an emergency call and she’d gotten more than she’d bargained for. So maybe that was the good thing. Or maybe this was a blessing in disguise because the weathermen were all predicting a severe snow/ice storm 100% to be moving in the next day. What if her faucet broke during that time? That would really be bad!

After we hung up I felt relieved that we had been able to find some humor in the moment and that it actually did turn out in her favor. I thanked God for that and went about my day. At about 4:00 that afternoon Tricia called again,

“Hellooo…?”

“Oh my gosh! You’re never going to believe what just happened to me!”

“Oh no”, I thought, “What now?”

“I just got a call from a friend of mine about a lead on a pharmaceutical position. He knows the hiring manager really well and can put in a good word for me, but I also know the hiring manager because he used to work for the same company as me, and the job sounds perfect! How’s that for something good happening to me today?”

“That’s awesome!” I replied.

“From now on I’m just going to send you a list everyday and I expect you to get busy praying since you seem to have a 24-hour turnaround!”

Tricia did in fact get that job and I take FULL credit (just kidding)! It was all her (with God of course!) and it wasn’t easy. It’s a really competitive environment to begin with, but right now there are a lot of talented, quality people out there looking for work. She went through several rounds of interviews and even came down with laryngitis on one of the most crucial days. But she had God’s favor and He proved that He can overcome ALL obstacles! He always provides exactly what we need, exactly when we need it!

As far as my “24 hour prayer turnaround” goes, she’s absolutely right! I am blessed with a direct line to God, but guess what? – so is she and so are you. I’m not saying that God always answers prayers exactly the way we want Him to, or even when we want Him to. But I know for certain that the moment we pray to Him (probably even before that), He starts working on the BEST solution for us, and only He knows what that is. We just have to have faith that He’s going to deliver the absolute greatest outcome with His own perfect timing. Often, this is a tough lesson in patience, but always worth the wait! I just got lucky with this particular prayer in that it happened to line up with His perfect will!

I recently asked Tricia if she felt like she had that one BIG testimony now. Her answer as I expected was “no”, but only because she came to realize that it isn’t really about that one BIG event. She feels like her particular testimony is more about her “time in the wilderness” as she calls it (referencing Matthew 4:1, KJV/ NLT), where she learned to be faithful, obedient, patient, and trusting of God. Her testimony is more about the journey, than a single event. It was a time in her life, that strange as it may seem, she will cherish forever as one of the best! The job was just the cherry on top! Amen for that!