How I Met Nehemiah - NEH Part I

“Dear God,
Thank you for giving me a vision and the understanding that I need to share my vision with others. Thank you that this sharing has resulted in a new job for me with better pay, more responsibility and control, and also the resources and ability to bring my vision to light! Thank you for introducing me to Nehemiah. I am inspired by his pursuit of his vision to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem. I am ready to start my own rebuilding. Amen!”

I was introduced to Nehemiah in March 2007 which resulted in this prayer a few months later. Over the last four years he has taken me on quite a journey, meaning there is no possible way to cover it in just one blog post. So I’ll hit the high points and skip the details because they can make up entire testimonials on there own. This is Part I of a four-part series. My intent is to post them all a few days apart, before the end of the year (2010). So let’s get started...

God and I had grown quite close over the past few years. I had started a franchise remodeling business and had borrowed a lot of money to do it. It didn’t take long to realize I was in way over my head. It was then that I really started seeking God’s guidance. I’d always believed in Him and prayed to Him, but never really consulted Him on what I should be doing. To be quite honest I didn’t even know that I was supposed to. Up to that point I could count on one hand the number of times I’d attended a church service. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that when I finally did ask Him what to do, He sent me to church.

I loved church and through my growing relationship with God, I started to understand that I had to get out of this business venture. Being in debt is never a good thing and in order to stay afloat we would have to borrow even more money. The stakes were becoming too high for our family. I consulted God every step of the way. Almost immediately I had a buyer for my franchise, debt was being forgiven, a new tenant resumed my office lease, and on top of all that, a new job fell right into my lap without me even looking for it. God provided the path, took my hand, and escorted me right out of that mess with hardly a scratch, proving once again that He never abandons.

Although my new job was not exactly a perfect fit, I just knew God had me there for a reason. After all, we were close to being out of debt and thrilled to find out that baby number two was on the way. And then I had a life-altering experience. At 8 weeks, I lost our baby…CRASH! My walls were crumbling! I thought I was doing everything right. I didn’t understand and I asked God,

“Why are you punishing me?”

“I’m not,” He replied. “I just have different, better plans for you. Be patient.”

Well as someone who likes to think they're in control, I’m not very patient…and what could be better than a baby? After my miscarriage I was in such a funk that I downright despised going to work. I mean really what was the point? So in my typical, not-so-patient fashion, I set about to create a point. I decided that we needed a new, bigger, better, house. Yes – this would surely fix everything! If I couldn’t have my baby then by gosh the rest of my life was going to look the way I wanted!

Then in the midst of that process I decided I also needed a new bigger, better, job. In my mind a vision was forming. I was heading up my own interior design firm (if you don’t already know, I am a professional interior designer). I was full of ideas about how interior designers and architects could work together more cohesively, not only to design better projects but also make them more profitable. I was certain this vision was from God. I mean surely if His better plans didn’t include a baby they must include a successful career, right?!

After some pondering I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t have any money and I’d already learned that it’s never wise to borrow it. So I decided to try something new. I consulted God’s word. Yep – it only took me 35 years to figure out that I should crack open a bible every now and then.

Not really knowing what I was doing, I looked up the word “vision” in the back of the bible. There was only one reference which read,

“inspire others with yours…NEH 2:17-18.”

This is the precise moment that Nehemiah entered my life. If you’re not familiar with Nehemiah (I’d never even heard of him), he is from the Old Testament and was responsible for bringing God’s chosen people back together to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem. To sum up verses 17-18, he basically has a conversation with city officials telling them that although the city lies in ruins, the gracious hand of God had been upon him and that it was time to rebuild the wall. The city officials agreed, so they began the good work.

It was a nice passage, but what really got me was the Cliff’s Notes at the bottom of the page, you know, that running commentary written by someone way smarter than you to basically translate the message that God wants you to know. From the Life Application Study Bible, New Living Translation, this is what it said:

“Spiritual renewal often begins with one person’s vision. Nehemiah had a vision, and he shared it with enthusiasm, inspiring Jerusalem’s leaders to rebuild the walls. We frequently underestimate people and don’t challenge them with our dreams for God’s work in the world. When God plants an idea in your mind to accomplish something for him, share it with others and trust the Holy Spirit to impress them with similar thoughts. Don’t regard yourself as the only one through whom God is working. Often God uses one person to express the vision and others to turn it into reality. When you encourage and inspire others, you put teamwork into action to accomplish God’s goals.”

So that was it! In order to rebuild my own personal wall I needed to share my vision with others, and I knew just the right person - my old-boss. He’s a principal partner at the architectural firm where I got my start right out of college and worked my way up to being an associate partner. I had left on good terms choosing to spend more time with my newborn daughter. We had kept in touch since my departure and he knew all about my business venture (and failure) and my new job. He was and still is one of my favorite people on the planet, so of course he was the perfect person with which to share my vision. Not only is he a visionary himself, but he could provide the resources that I would need to put this plan into action.

So I called him up, we had a meeting, he was intrigued. He asked me to put together a brief business plan outlining my proposal that he could take to the other partners. I did. He shared, which kicked off a round of various interview type meetings over the course of the next six months. Finally in August he hired me to head up a new interior design branch of the firm. Implementing my ideas, we were going to take it in a whole new direction. I was to start in September.

During that same six months we sold our old house and moved into the new, bigger, better one. We also unexpectedly (and much to our delight) got pregnant again and passed that iffy first trimester. I was flying high! A new house, a baby on the way, and a new higher-paying job that was more suited to my talents. God had placed a vision in my heart and by seeking His will through His word I had obeyed and doors had been opened. I just knew we were going to be wildly successful, I mean with God on my side, what could possibly go wrong?...To be continued in Part II – Screw Nehemiah!

It's Time to Say Grace!

“Dear God,
Thank you for providing us with this beautiful meal. And thank you for all of our family and friends, especially those here at this table and also those that could not be with us today. Thank you for loving us and blessing us. And thank you so much for sending us your one and only son so that we may live these extraordinary lives. It is in His name we pray – Amen!”

At least that’s how I remember it. It was short and sweet, not the most eloquent prayer ever, but nonetheless the best one I’ve ever delivered. You see, yesterday (Nov. 25, 2010) was Thanksgiving and it’s the first time in all my 39 years that I’ve ever said grace or even prayed out loud, alone, in front of a group of people. Some of you may be shocked by this because you pray out loud for people all the time. It just comes naturally to you, almost like breathing. Well let me clue you in on the fact that there is a whole other group of people out there, Christ followers even like me that break out in a cold sweat just at the thought of praying out loud!

If you haven’t figured out from my blog yet, I pray by myself all the time. It’s like I have this on-going conversation with God all day long. From when I wake in the morning to when I go to bed at night. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not implying that I am a perfect pray-er, far from it, and some days I’m better than others. But even though I talk to Him a lot, I often forget to actually consult Him first – duh! Or I start talking to Him when I need something – sound familiar? But for the most part I feel like He is my best friend that I can share with at anytime. I mean I might as well right? He knows what I’m thinking and feeling anyway so I might as well purposely include Him in my internal dialogue. I know when I do it always helps me keep a clear head and make the best decisions possible.

So my point to all of this is that it may seem strange that I’ve never prayed out loud in front of others even to say grace. I guess I feel like my relationship with God is very personal and I’m very protective of it. I don’t really want to include others in it. Kind of like when you’re a teenager (immature) and you don’t want your best friend to have any other friends besides you. But as I’ve become a more “mature” Christian I’ve realized that God wants me to share this special relationship because it is available to everyone. And unlike our earthly relationships, He is capable of being there for all us, one-on-one, anytime, anywhere, for as long as we want. After all He is God – I mean He only created us!

So when I woke up yesterday morning I started praying about something, totally unrelated to Thanksgiving, that’s set to happen next week and I’ve been worrying about it. I don’t like to worry, so I usually just take it to God to release me of it. He has this awesome way of giving me peace. So as I’m praying about it, out of the blue He just tells me that I need to say grace today at lunch.

What?! Where’d that come from? We’re talking about next week! Not today’s meal…I’m not worried about today.

But therein lies the beauty of the situation, I stopped worrying about next week, because I was now worried about what I was going to say today at grace!  Ha – what a sense of humor our God has. But I actually didn’t worry about it too much because once I got out of bed I was busy preparing for the meal up to the time. So I obeyed Him and I said it and I don’t think anyone even blinked an eye over it. I’m probably the only one who felt the least bit uncomfortable about it, with the exception of my daughter who leaned over and whispered to me,

“What did you just do?”

“I prayed!” I hissed back, embarrassed that she didn’t even recognize what I was doing.

“Oh” she said, “I didn’t do it.” Probably because her mind was so busy trying to figure out what had come over her mother!

So the real moral of the story is that I did it and I’m glad because EVERY time I obey God it benefits me - maybe not immediately, but eventually. In this case I believe I got the immediate satisfaction about not worrying about next week. It’s useless anyway, just like the bible says:

Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:34 NLT)

So today I woke up thinking about how profound the whole situation had been and again He called me to action. He told me to blog about it and share my story with you all! I believe the lesson here is to always be thankful and obey God (which is something that He constantly has to remind me)! He knows what’s best for us! It’s been a wonderful Thanksgiving, I hope for you all as well! – Thank you God for everything!

Forgive My Fear

“Dear God,
Thank you so much for all of the blessings that you give to me and my family. Please forgive me for my guilt, my fear, my lack of faith. Please forgive me because I’m grateful that it didn’t happen to me!”

This is probably not going to be my greatest post of all time, mostly because I don’t even want to write it. I just want to stop thinking about it - It being death. But I can’t and I won’t be able to move on to the next post (something I actually want to think about) until I’ve gotten this one out of my head and off of my heart. So here it goes…

This has probably been the worst summer ever. Not for me, but for a lot of people I know. I know 3 people that have died this summer, 3 unrelated, individual deaths. I did not know any of them on a real personal level, not even well enough to attend their funerals. But I am close to some of the people they left behind and it is those people, their loved ones that I can’t get off my mind. They are the ones that I pray for. They are the ones my heart breaks for. They are the ones that have been occupying the space in mind that is prone to worry and ponder. How will they go on? How will they pick themselves up and continue to live life?

So as I pay my respect to the following dearly departed, I also pray for their loved ones that have been left behind, shattered - People whom I also love.

A 13-year old boy. My friend’s grandson, killed in an ATV accident on Memorial weekend. I don’t know the rest of the family at all, but I know he left behind his mom and dad and 16-year old sister. I can’t stop thinking about what I would have done had I lost my little brother when I was only 16. My heart especially breaks for her.

A dad. A grandpa. My close friend’s father-in-law, killed by an inoperable brain tumor. His first symptoms and diagnosis at the beginning of June. Gone before August. I do not know my friend’s husband well, but my heart goes out to him. I can’t even imagine what it feels like to lose a parent, especially when you are close like they were - Like me and my parents are.

A husband. A young dad – 35. My brother’s best friend’s brother, killed in a medical helicopter accident. He was a flight nurse on his way to save someone else. He died tragically, yet honorably. My brother grew up with both of them and they were only one year apart. They continued to be friends until this day. My brother was with his friend, fishing, when his parents called to let him know about the accident. Again, I’m not close to the young man’s family, but I am close to my brother, and he is hurting. What if that happened to my best friend…my brother, my husband, my son?

I know that all 3 are in a far better place, finally free of their earthly shackles. It is all of those who loved them, left behind, that I now pray for. I have lifted them up in prayer what seems like a hundred times. But it doesn’t matter how many times I do it, it won’t change what happened. I wish it would. And I feel guilty because while I mean what I’m praying for them, I can’t stop thinking, “I’m glad it isn’t me”! And then I enter a downward shame spiral over the fact that that’s what I’m thinking! Only then the guilt turns to fear, because I know that someday it is going to be me. Someday I will be the one to suffer the unthinkable loss. My world shattered. My daily existence, the core of my being, altered forever. And someday I will be the one to die, shattering and altering my loved ones forever. It is a thought which I can hardly stand. And I’m left with the inevitable truth that it doesn’t matter how blessed I am, how grateful I am, how sinful I am, how obedient I am. How fat or thin I am, how rich or poor I am. Death is an inescapable part of life and we will all be touched by it.

I have experienced death of a love one before, but never of the same magnitude as these 3 - Never a parent, a child, a brother, a close friend. In that way I have lived such a blessed life. I should thank God for that everyday, but sometimes I’m afraid, like if I actually start thanking Him I might call attention to the fact that I have never really experienced anything that life-shattering. I know that I do not deserve to escape such loss anymore than anyone else. If I remind God of this by thanking Him, maybe He will then decide it is my due. I know that is silly. God already knows exactly what I have and have not experienced and what I will experience in the future. I know He loves me and all of His children. I know that He has plans for me, to prosper me and not to harm me (Jeremiah 29:11). But still, sometimes the silly side of me wins.

So how do you deal with the truth of death once you’ve admitted it or actually experienced it? The only way I know of is to turn to God. To have faith that He has prepared a home for us infinitely better than this life. A home where God and all of our loved ones await our arrival for the greatest reunion of all time!

“Until then God, I humbly ask you to forgive me for the guilt, shame, and fear I have about death and will no doubt continue to have all the rest of my days. And as I know that you have already forgiven me, I too forgive you for the loss I will someday have to face. I have faith that whatever that loss looks like or feels like; I will be able to endure with you by my side. Thank you God for not giving me a spirit of fear; but one of power, and love, and of a sound mind! (2 Timothy 1:7).”

“I also want to especially pray that you continue to comfort and heal the hearts of those suffering the loss of Nick, Art, and Ryan! May they Rest in Peace! It is in Jesus name that I pray for them all – Amen!”