I Won't Miss You 2011

"Dear God,
Please forgive me for this very short, very non-grateful sounding post.  And please forgive that my main purpose in writing this is to fulfill my 12 post a year obligation.  You know, because we talk about it all the time, just how grateful I am for this life that I lead.  And I know just how blessed I've been - even this past year.  But I'm ready to say good-bye to 2011!  In the big scheme of things, compared to other years, this past year has been a major downer.  I do NOT however attribute any of this to you!  I love you and the best part of 2011 has been how close I've grown to you.  You've taken care of me and my family in so many ways - financially (as always), we are all healthy (relatively speaking), and you've given me much new insight into myself and your purposes for me.  That's what I'm most grateful for from 2011.  That and my wonderful family!  Thank you for loving me and always forgiving me!  I am looking forward to an awesome new year and seeing how you move.  I plan to move right along with you, doing whatever it is that you ask me to do.  And even after the things I've faced this past year, I am moving forward without fear because I know that you have not give me a spirit of fear, and with you in my life there is nothing to fear.  Amen!"

Well that prayer pretty much sums up my feelings as we close out this year.  All I have left to say is:

"Bye-bye 2011!  Don't let the door hitchya on your way out!"

Happy New Year Everyone!  May you be abundantly blessed in 2012!

Merry Christmas!

"Dear God,
Happy Birthday to you and Jesus!  Thank you for sending your one and only perfect son to be our Lord and Savior.  That is indeed the good, no the best, news ever!  Please forgive me if I haven't been as thankful as I should be lately.  As you know I've had a tough year and I'm still recovering.  But I am immensely grateful for your son, also known as Emmanuel, meaning - God with us. I get such peace from knowing that I am never alone. You will never leave me or forsake me.  You are right by my side through all of these trials.  Thank you so much for placing me in and also giving me the greatest family anyone could ever hope for!  Thank you and Merry Christmas!  Amen!"

This is my prayer for today, December 25, 2011.  It is also Global Share the Bible Day so I thought I would share a link to a FREE Bible download app.  This app has literally changed my life and my relationship with God.  You can sign up for and choose from hundreds of different reading plans which I highly recommend as a way to get in the word everyday (or at least more than usual).

Here is the link if you'd like to check it out!  http://www.youversion.com/mobile

Christmas is all about remembering and celebrating the day that Jesus was born.  The day that God himself became one of us so that He could later die for the sole purpose of giving us life!  That my friends is LOVE!  I think this verse sums up this day perfectly...

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14 NIV

Merry Christmas!

Top Ten Things About a Bum Knee

"Dear God,
I'm sure you're getting sick of my negativity.  My whiny attitude over this whole knee incident.  So I've decided that the best thing to do is to come up with a list of the Top Ten good things about having a bum knee.  I'm making the conscious decision to go positive.  And I know I've already thanked you several times, but thanks again that my surgery went well and I'm officially on the mend! You are the God of restoration, the great healer!  Amen!"

So here it is...

Top Ten Things About Having a Bum Knee:

10.  Lots of pain med induced sleep.
 9.  I don't have to go to the grocery store
 8.  I don't have to take my kids to school or run them around
 7.  I don't have to clean my house, do laundry, cook, or make my bed
 6.  I can't go upstairs, so I don't have to tuck my kids into bed (or wake them up)
 5.  Because of the timing, I don't have to shop, cook, decorate, or wrap for the holidays
 4.  I don't have to go to my kids holiday programs
 3.  Crutches are pretty handy when it comes to reaching things such as lightswitches, tops of curtains  (making it easier to open/close them), and doors when they're not fully closed.
 2.  I got to ride one of those scooters at Target
 1.  I've had LOTS of time to think and pray

Okay, so you're either reading my list and thinking that sounds like a dream come true, or you're thinking that's just sad.  It's both.  The list is true, these are the best things I can come up with for having a bum knee - or probably any physical ailment for that matter.  But these things are only good for about 3 days!  I'm going on my 6th week and have at least a month of physical therapy ahead of me - Ugh!

Making this list was supposed to lift my spirits, you know - looking at the bright side and all.  But when I finished, it had the opposite effect.  See, I really do like to these things.  I like to tuck my kids into bed and wake them up.  I like to drive them places.  I like to make sure they and my husband are well fed.  I don't really like housework, but I like the result and the feeling of accomplishment.  And if I'm being totally honest - I never make my bed anyway (stop your judging)!

This list represents my job and I have the best job in the world!  I don't like it when I can't perform my job.

And come on - who doesn't like to watch their kids "perform" in their various recitals...I really love it!  And you know what else I love...CHRISTMAS!!!  I love to go shopping, I love to pick out a tree and decorate it (and the house), I love to make cookies and other typical holiday foods.  I love to wrap presents.  I love to do all things Christmas-y!  But this year I haven't had the ability or the energy to do any of these things.  I've participated some, but not with the enthusiasm that I usually have!

#10 is good in that I definitely like to sleep...but I like to wake up with a clear head, a settled stomach, and no pain.  Pain meds pretty much make that impossible.  Even the "pain" part because they've worn off by the time you wake up!  Sure - you can set your alarm to take them, again negating any "good" sleep you were hoping to get.

Crutches actually do come in handy for a few things, but they are more of a pain than anything.  And riding the scooter at Target was pretty fun, but the basket is too small, you can't reach anything high, and it's super embarrassing when you have to back-up because it beeps REALLY loud and everyone stops to stare at you to see if you're going to run-over anything or anyone!  You just know they're hoping that you do!

The only thing on this list that's actually been any good (and that's why it's #1) is the time I've had to think and pray.  It's helped me to reflect on my life and see how much I take for granted!  I meant all of the things that I put on this list (to a certain degree) because it's hard to appreciate them all on a day-to-day basis.  Or even a yearly basis (as with the holiday stuff) when you're so busy it's hard to squeeze them into your schedule.  I hope I never forget the hardships of this year and always remember how great my life really is!  Thank you God for reminding me!  I have great hope in you for 2012!

Merry Christmas to you all!!!

For Me 40 is the New 60!

"Dear God,
Let me preface this whole prayer by asking you to forgive me for the serious self-pity.  As you know, I'm in a low season and I don't like it one little bit!  I know that I'm whiny.  I know that I should take comfort in the fact that you are in charge, and you work all things for good, and blah, blah, blah, but I'm having a hard time doing that.  Sorry, that's just how I feel and there's no sense trying to hide it from you because you know my heart.  But I haven't given up hope.  I still have faith and I know that my spiritual enemy is just prowling around, waiting to devour me.  Trying his damndest to gain a foothold in my life.  But thanks to you and your word I'm onto his schemes (1 Peter 5:8)!  Thank you for always being there, and for never failing me.  I know it could have been so much worse, so thank you that I wasn't in public.  Thank you that I wasn't home alone.  Thank you that  it's not life-threatening.  Life-altering for sure, but not life-threatening.  Amen for that!"

So if you've read my last couple of REVs you already know that I've been having a terrible time with family illness, another lightning strike (yes it can strike twice), and all of these things adversely affecting our pocketbook.  Which doesn't really help with the whole getting-out-of-debt thing!  To top it all off I just turned 40, something I really didn't mind until now...

A week before my birthday I was hosting my first bible study group (Nehemiah - Rising from the Ruins, of course).  With a kitchen full of new friends, I stood there cutting a cake when one of the ladies asked me where the forks were.  I pivoted on my left leg to point and the weirdest thing happened.  My left knee-cap decided to slide right off my knee.  It happened in a micro-second BAM! - I hit the floor, knee bent, unable to straighten my leg.  Long story short - I was whisked away from our first meeting in an ambulance to the ER, where I was put to sleep to have my knee-cap relocated.

Who knew bible study could be so dangerous?

I keep saying that to people and we laugh about it, but just now as I typed it I realized it really IS dangerous.  Dangerous because anytime you are engaged in God's work you have the devil's FULL attention.  I honestly think this whole thing was his attempt to throw me and my whole bible study group off track.  We all know that his main goal in our lives is to steal, kill, and destroy by any means necessary (John 10:10).

Well the joke is on him because John 10:10 also tells us that Christ came to give us life in abundance.  He will not let us be destroyed.  I think my little incident actually gelled our little group in a way nothing else would have.  The genuine love and concern that has been poured out to me by these ladies, that only a few short weeks ago were strangers, is amazing!  It's odd because I feel so blessed, but at the same time I still wish it hadn't happened!  Can you be blessed and cursed all at the same time?  I don't really think so.  I'm sticking with the blessed theory even though it can sometimes be hard to see!

I've been on crutches now for a little more than 4 weeks and I'm having surgery in 2 days.  Yes.  Surgery.  From standing in my kitchen.  Crazy I know!

They say "40 is the new 30", but for me it feels like the new 60!

It has been suggested that I really ought to come up with a "better" story for how I got hurt, but that's just not in my nature, which reminds me of something else they say,

"The truth is stranger than fiction."  (btw - who is "they"?) 

So for now your prayers will be greatly appreciated.  Prayers that this surgery will work and be the only one that I need.  I'll update soon, afterall I've missed a few months of REVs and need to catch up before the end of the year.  That's the commitment I made to God when I started this blogging journey 2 years ago, one post per month (12 per year is the same thing right?!).  He always keeps His promises to me, and I'm going to try to do the same.

Seriously God?...AGAIN?!

"Seriously God?  Seriously?  What's up?  I thought you were pleased with me.  I've been doing everything you asked me to do...even things I don't particularly want to do - I'm doing them.  So why is everything working against me all of sudden?  Why has this plague decided to settle on my house, and why are you allowing it?  I know none of it is life-threatening (thankful for that), and I know I've dealt with it all before - but not all at once!  Why am I having to deal with all of this stuff AGAIN?  Please make it stop!  Thank you for listening to me and loving me! -Amen!"

Yes, I know.  This is an extremely whiny, woe-is-me prayer.  But it's how I felt and there's no sense in trying to hide your feelings from God, He already knows them.  Just like He knows I still love Him and understands that sometimes a girl's just gotta vent!

So let me back up and fill you in.  If you read my post 2 months ago, you already know that my house was struck by lightning - AGAIN!  One year after the first time, in the exact same spot.  So that blows holes in the theory that "lightning never strikes twice!"  At the time I was thankful (again) that nobody was hurt and that our house did not catch fire, but everything's been going downhill ever since.

Over the summer I really felt like God had been speaking to me, showing me His plans and bringing them into focus.  He's asked me to do some things that are really out of my comfort zone.  And I've been doing them, partly because He's also shown me some things that I'm really excited about.  And like I always tell my kids,

"Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, to be able to do the things you do want to do." 

Don't you think I should probably take my own advice!  You know - try to be a good example.

Needless to say I've really been looking forward to school starting back up so that I would have time to get things moving.  But so far there's only been 1 week out of 5 that both kids made it to school everday.  Every week somebody in my house has had some sort of ailment.  Sparing you the graphic details, let's just say that from head to toe I've dealt with or experienced EVERY disgusting bodily function you can think of!  Not to mention that we've made 5 trips to the doctor, one of which was a 6 hour, Friday night date with my son to the ER - good times!

Now I know this is all part of life.  I know you've dealt with it all too...more than once.  But did it hit all at the same time, one thing after another, starting with your house being struck by lightning AGAIN?  Probably not.  Please forgive my self-absorbed crankiness.  I know my life is not any worse than yours or anyone else's.  And I am SO grateful that we are not dealing with anything more serious that we don't already know how to handle!  I just really want you to understand this continual theme I have running through my head of:

"Oh no!  Not AGAIN!!!"

So enough with the belly-aching, because this story actually has a pretty amazing twist.  God took my whiny prayer to heart and showed up where I least expected Him - AGAIN!  If you've never read my post 7-Year Anniversary Miracle, this would be a good time to do so.

In the midst of all this sickness and chaos, Jace and I have had to reschedule our anniversay dinner 3 times.  As you know, we go to the same restaurant every year, Boulevard Steakhouse, and just splurge like there's no tomorrow.  We make sure to save up the cash for our once a year treat and for one night we forget all about our debt-free quest.

This year's anniversary is lucky number 13 (which could explain these unfortunate circumstances we've been experiencing- AGAIN!  Good thing I'm not superstitious).  It's been 6 years since "the miracle," and we still get excited about our annual celebration dinner along with the complimentary dessert given for such an occassion.  But for some reason last year our anniversary was overlooked, along with the dessert.

Not wanting to seem cheap, and still feeling grateful about our 7th anniversary meal, we didn't say anything.  But this year we wanted to make sure they knew it was our anniversary, so Jace casually worked it into the conversation with our waiter.  We felt a sense of accomplishment when they brought out our dessert with the special little "Happy Anniversary" chocolate on it.  Operation Free-Dessert was a success!  So imagine our surprise, shock, and utter delight, when our waiter came out with our bill, laid it on the table, and said:

"Here's your check but it's already been taken care of."

Yes!  The entire bill.  I know!...AGAIN!!!  (Did I mention that the restaurant is Boulevard Steakhouse?)

Are you completely blown-away?  Speechless?  So were we!  It made me laugh and cry all at the same time.  In that moment, God spoke to us AGAIN.  He knows we are going through a lot right now, but He reminded us that He is in control and He loves us.  This is all part of His great plans for us and He can use all things for good.  I completely believe Him.

Interestingly, in church this week the message was called "Passing the Test."  We looked specifically at James 1: 2-5

2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.  5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

I do think we are in a time of testing.  The plague is still on-going.  We're on week 7 of somebody being sick with something.  But God showing up for our 13th anniversary and producing a miracle - AGAIN, gives me the strength to keep going, keep the faith, and to endure it all with a spirit of JOY!

So if you get nothing else out of this story, I hope that you remember that God is always there for you.  Again and AGAIN!!!

The Interior Designer I Almost Wasn't

"Dear God,
I don't know what to do.  I thought I was on the right path.  I thought I finally came across something that I'm interested in that I might be good at.  But now it looks hopeless.  Let's face it, we both know that I'm not an artist.  In fact, I'm not anything.  Why haven't you blessed me with any real talent?  Why am I always just average?  I'm running out of time...I have to declare a major and soon!  Please don't let me end up with a boring undefined major, dooming me forever to a life of average.  Is that really what you want for me?"

Yeah, I prayed it.  After running home crying and throwing myself dramatically onto my bed.  And yeah, it was a serious moment of spectacular self pity.  It makes me laugh to think about it now!  In fact I think I heard God chuckling a little too when he answered me.

It was Fall 1992, my sophomore year of college and I still hadn't declared a major.  My dad was often suggesting that I should be an Engineer because "they make good money right out of college", but I never liked math, even though I was pretty good at it.  I probably should have been flattered that he thought I was smart enough to be an engineer, but all it made me think was that I didn't possess any real talent to do something, ANYthing else.  Something exciting.  Something glamorous.

Most of my friends knew what they wanted to be, lawyers, medical professionals, teachers, politicians...none of which interested me.  Which added to my stress because now I was thinking not only am I not talented, but I'm not interesting either.  In order to be interesting you have to be interested - right?!

At the time, I was living in the sorority house (Yes I know...this is just one example of how absurd it was for me to think my life was just "average").  Anyway, my soon-to-be Lil Sis, a freshman who had already declared her major, was always creating these cool projects for her studio class.  When I asked, she told me she was an Interior Design major.

"Really?" I said, thinking that my mom was really good at decorating and she never went to school for it.  "I didn't know you could major in decorating."

"Oh, interior design is NOT decorating," she quickly informed me.  "It's really more like architecture.  It's even part of the College of Architecture and my studio classes are combined with the architecture students - for the first two years anyway."

Wow!  This was starting to sound really cool, maybe even promising.  My wheels were cranking.  Maybe I could do this.  It was not Art.  It was not Math.  It was not Science.  It was not Boring.

I thought, "I can do this.  Afterall, I'm creative.  I mean just look at this C-U-T-E Lil Sis wall-board I just made, and how much I enjoyed making it.  And look at my dorm room last year.  It was pretty awesome...who else had purple spray painted concrete block shelving?!  Nobody!  And have you seen the fabulous bulletin board that I made (with mom's help)!"

So I got myself all psyched up and scheduled a meeting with the director of the Interior Design program.  And that's when my enthusiasm bubble burst.  This somewhat quirky lady was going on and on about how difficult the studio programs were.

You only got 5 credit hours for a class that actually met for 10.5 total hours a week.  And that didn't even include the extra time you would be working there to complete your projects for that class.  Nor did it include all of the other classes I would need to take.  And as if that weren't enough, there were 8 semesters of studio which had to be taken sequentially.  The odd numbered ones were always in the Fall, so I would have to wait until the next Fall to start.  Not only would I technically be a Junior in Freshman classes, but it would end up taking me six years to graduate because there was no way to catch up.

And on...and on...and on...!  And then to top it all off, she suggested that if I was really serious about this, I should enroll in an Art studio class next Spring.  It wasn't required in the Interior Design curriculum, but she "highly recommended it" so that I could experience what a studio class was really like before next fall.

ART!...Ugh!  That was my worst nightmare!  I mean I liked to look at art, but I couldn't draw worth a flip!  And to make it even worse, we would be drawing...NUDES!  I couldn't even draw good cartoon figures, let alone the real human anatomy!  Oh the horror of it all!  Now you see why I cried all the way home.

"God, it's too hard!  I'm not cut out for that!  I clearly don't have what it takes!  That lady, the director, did everything she could to discourage me.  She could obviously tell that I'm not up to the challenge!"

And then I felt God say to me (through His chuckling at my overblown, teen angst, pity-party):

"Why are you listening to her?  And why are you listening to anyone other than me?  I AM the only one you need to listen to and I say you can do this.  I made you to do this.  You have the right gifts, you just need to discover them.  Don't give up so quickly or you will miss out on all the good things I have planned for you.  Just listen to me and I will show you the way!"

Okay so I didn't actually "hear" those words, that's just what I felt.  I had this calming peace come over me and my attitude took a 180.  Forget that lady.  I'm smart and I'm a hard worker (when I want to be).  And I don't have to take an Art class if I don't want to.  She said it herself, it wasn't required.  I could just wait until next year and start then.

So that's what I did.  I ignored the Director's advice and the rest is history.  It did take me 6 years to graduate but I needed those extra years to finally discover that I was blessed with some talent.  I shutter to think of how my life would have gone had I not faced my fears and with God's help pursued my purpose.

Remember those architecture students that my Lil Sis mentioned?...I married one.  If I would have let my own negative thinking get the best of me I never would have met him, or some of my best friends to this day.  More importantly, I never would have met ME...the real me anyway!  And I wouldn't be living this abundantly blessed, extraordinary, anything BUT average life!

Interesting twist to the story...remember the director that almost talked me out of my destiny?  Well sadly, by the time I actually started the interior design program the next fall, she was no longer there.  She was diagnosed with cancer and passed away shortly after.  The program did not hire a permanent director until my senior year (actually 3rd senior year if you want to get technical).  One of her first tasks was to set up a design scholarship award in the name of the former director.  I was the first recipient of that award.  Ironic - I know!  It was definitely a full-circle moment.

So, the moral is, you know you're onto something when it seems too big and too scary to accomplish.  When you're seriously doubting if you're good enough.  You know you're on the right path because your spiritual enemy is coming after you with all he's got, trying to trip you up.  Whispering in your ear...

"What makes you think you're good enough, smart enough, talented enough...?  You'll never make it!  You don't have what it takes!..."  I've learned that you just have to tell him to go straight "home" and try to see yourself the way that God sees you - which is PERFECT!  He makes no mistakes.  You are His perfect creation and He has equipped you with everything you need to fulfill His purposes.  Trust Him!

This is something of which I continually have to remind myself, especially as I enter this new, exciting, and scary chapter of my life...once again it's time for me to step out in faith.  If you're curious, check out my new blog RevYourRoom.com.  I hope it speaks for itself...and to you!

Bless This House - AGAIN!!!

"Dear God,
Bless this house oh Lord I pray, keep it safe by night and day - Amen."

CRACK!  BOOM!  Foundation SHAKIN!  Dishes RATTLIN!  Power FLICKERIN! - all in a millisecond!

I sat straight up in bed and could hear myself making that sound.  You know that sound you make when you're surprised or scared.  That sounds like a really long "huh?" only you're inhaling instead of exhaling.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!?!?!?!"

My sound woke up Jace, "What?"

"Didn't you hear that?"

"It was thunder," he said trying to calm me down.

"No!  Didn't you HEAR that?  We were just struck by lightning!"

"It was just thunder and the power is out," he assured me as he hopped out of bed to check it out.

"No!  We were struck by lightning - AGAIN!"  I insisted, following him up the stairs.  Our daughter met us at the top.

"What was that?"  she asked in a scared voice.  I was having Déjà vu.

Jace headed towards the computer with the intent to silence its continuous screech, indicating that it was in a serious flatline.  I went and looked out my daughter's window.  Yep, there was debris in the yard - AGAIN!  And there was that sick, smoky, burnt smell - AGAIN!

"Jace, don't you smell that? And there's debris in the yard.  I'm telling you we were hit - AGAIN!"

He couldn't make the screeching stop.  Abandoning it, he went out to brave the storm and look for damage.

"Mommy..." my daughter says, "my tooth fell out!"

What?  I stopped my frantic pacing to look at her and process what she'd just said.  "You're tooth fell out?  When?"

"I just woke up because I felt it in my mouth and then I heard the thunder."

Ha ha!  I little comic relief right when I needed it.  Just then Jace came back inside.

"We were hit," he said.

"Really?!"  I knew it but I still had a hard time believing it.  Once you've heard the sound of lightning hitting your house you will NEVER forget it!  "In the same place?"

"Yep."

So for anyone who thinks "lightning never strikes twice", I've got bad news for you!  I'm living proof that it most definitely does.

When this happened last year I saw it as a blessing.  Nobody was hurt and everything could be fixed. I have no idea why God would allow this to happen - AGAIN, but He certainly has my attention.  This time I see it as an even bigger blessing.  God showed us that He is in charge and looking out for us - AGAIN!

Interesting little story though...the next morning I got up and the first thing I usually do is read my daily bible verse on YouVersion (the bible app for your phone).  Well, it wouldn't come up because our wi-fi was fried!  Ugh!  Of all days, I really needed some guidance, some encouragement, which I can always count on from God's word.  Then it hit me - Duh!  I can just read my real bible.  So it wouldn't be part of the reading plan I was doing, but this would be fun, even more revealing.  I decided that I would just pick up the bible, open it, and the first thing I saw would obviously be what God wanted me to read that day.  So I opened it and this is what I saw:

Isaiah 6:1-4 (NLT)
1 It was in the year King Uzziah died that I saw the Lord. He was sitting on a lofty throne, and the train of his robe filled the Temple. 2 Attending him were mighty seraphim, each having six wings. With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they flew. 3 They were calling out to each other,

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of Heaven’s Armies!
The whole earth is filled with his glory!”

4 Their voices shook the Temple to its foundations, and the entire building was filled with smoke [emphasis mine].

If you know anything about me by now (besides the fact that I have a really great memory) it's probably that I do not believe in coincidence.  When I read passage 4, I felt like it was exactly describing my house when the lightning stuck.  Intrigued by this idea I read all of Chapter 6 and then some of the supporting documentation to learn more about Isaiah.  Turns out he is considered the greatest Old Testament prophet and is quoted at least 50 times in the New Testament.  The "Key" verse, which is also in Chapter 6 (again no coincidence here), reads:

8 Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to my people? Who will go for us?”

And I said, “Lord I'll go! Send me.”

Isaiah was humbled and changed by his unforgettable vision of God, so much so that he immediately answered God's call on his life to be a messenger.  God did not encourage Isaiah with promises of success.  As a matter of fact He basically told him that the people would not listen, but he needed to spread the message anyway.

That is how I feel.  I hear you God.  I know your power.  I know your love and your mercy.  I'll go!  Send me. 

There is so much more to this chapter than I can possible go into right here, right now.  But I've covered the parts that spoke to me the most that day.  I took it as a sign that I am to continue to be God's messenger.  Now please do not misunderstand me, I am not claiming to be a modern day prophet or anything.  Just that I feel called to keep doing what I'm doing through this blog.  Maybe nobody will read it.  Or if they do, maybe nobody will respond to it.  But if there's a chance that it helps even one person then it is worth it. 

So I'll wrap this up by thanking God for blessing our house and keeping us safe - AGAIN!  Amen!

Wait. Wait. Wait. MOVE! Wait...

“Dear God,

Thank you for this revelation!  Thank you for shining a light on my next step.  Thank you for reminding me that it does not matter what’s at the end of this path.  As long as I have faith and obey by continuing to step, you will prepare me, protect me, and be pleased with me!  Please help me to be BOLD for you and to never stop telling about everything I have seen and heard!* In Jesus name I pray – Amen!”  * Acts 4:20 NLT

If you’ve read my Nehemiah 4-Part post from December 2010, you already know that patience is not my strong suit.  I like to feel like I’m in charge, so even though I often look to God for answers, I have a tendency to then race ahead and turn His answers into my own plans.  Lately I’ve felt stuck.  Not discontent.  Not unhappy.  Just stuck!  That’s because 4 years ago, God told me to be patient, and I finally obeyed.  But it’s like being stuck in traffic…

Personally, I’d rather take a detour and go the long way if it means I can at least keep moving and get to my destination quicker!  But unless it is a planned and purposeful detour, implemented by the powers that be, I never beat the traffic.  Whenever I decide to be clever and take matters into my own hands by getting off the road and turning around, I never win.  In traffic (or in line at the store) I’m always in the slow lane.  So I jump over to the seemingly faster lane only to be slowed down again as I watch the spot I once occupied fly past me.  Does that ever happen to you?  I’m starting to realize this is a metaphor for my life.  If I’d just practice some patience and stay put, I’d probably to get to my desired destination much faster.

Sometimes God tells us to be patient.  Other times He tells us to get up and MOVE!  Problem for me is I just got used to the traffic.  I was kicking back, enjoying the view, listening to some tunes.  Now the traffic is starting to clear and it’s time to get moving again.  But I don’t want to move.  I’m scared to move.  I saw that bad accident on the side of the road which caused the traffic.  That could have been me…metaphorically speaking – it was me!  I don’t want to face that destruction again.  Maybe I should just turn around and go home.

It’s interesting to me that whether I’m trying to avoid being stuck or I’m scared to move forward, my first instinct is to “turn around”.  Turn around and back-track to find a better, faster way.  Or turn around and go back home where it’s comfortable!  Either way, it’s “back”.  Back in the past.  And I know for certain that God does not want us to live in the past.

He wants us to move forward.  But before we can move forward, we need to slow down, take a deep breath, and resist the urge to turn around.  Live in the “now” and prepare to move forward.

Earlier this year, I read an amazing book called Sun Stand Still, by Steven Furtick.  While there are many great things that I took away from this book, there is one little passage that really spoke to me.  At the top of Pg. 70, referencing Psalm 119:105, it reads,

“The Bible says that God’s word is a lamp to our feet, [a light on our path], not a floodlight beaming to our destination.”

I just love that!  It made me realize that’s what I’m always doing…waiting for the floodlight to illuminate my final destination and every step in between.  But the Bible clearly tells us that ain’t gonna happen!  Probably because we’d really be terrified if we knew the BIG plans God has in store for us!  So I guess I’ll just have to go with faith.  Take the next step that God is lighting at my feet.  Resist the urge to turn around.  Don’t look back.  MOVE forward!

That’s where I find myself these days, trying to resist the urge.  I feel overwhelmed because God has put several things on my heart to accomplish but I lack focus.  I know that He has a plan, and a pace, and an order for everything, but I have been unable to discern what all that is.  It’s frustrating!  My biggest problem is not really that I can’t see the next step clearly; it’s that I see five different steps, all leading a different direction.  None of which are lit very brightly.

Most of my ideas, goals, visions, whatever you want to call them, are related to interior design (which is my actual profession).  But they aren’t related closely enough for me to wrap my arms around and attempt to pursue all at once.  Up to this point I’ve been missing the link that ties them all together as one BIG vision, with one set path to get there.  Until now…

A couple of weeks ago I could NOT sleep.  I just had all of these ideas rolling around in my head wanting me to do something with them.  I just kept thinking and praying, “What should I pursue first?”  Tired of waiting for an answer I decided to get up and go do something productive.   Looking back, I’m pretty sure that was my answer,

“MOVE!”  He said.

Even before starting this blog, I’ve felt led to start a design blog, but I plan to tie it into an even bigger idea that I have for an eventual interior design business (TAWNT - Topic for A Whole 'Nother Time).  I must be debt-free before I can start this new business (read Jan 2011 post), so I haven’t even worried about that blog yet.  But plans change and for some reason when I got up that night I felt an overwhelming urge to at least check and make sure the name I wanted was available.  It was, so I went ahead and set up my new blog.  I also ordered a book online that I’d been meaning to read for months.  Was the traffic starting to move a little, or was I just taking another self-imposed detour?  I sure hoped not!

When my book finally arrived, I gobbled it up in a day.  It was great but still didn’t make any of my possible steps glow any brighter, that is until I read the back cover about the author, Seth Godin.   It said that he was the founder of www.squidoo.com.  What the heck is that?  I had to go check it out and what I found was a whole new world…a site that allows you to easily create mini websites, called “lenses”, for FREE!  How much FUN!  I can’t even begin to scratch the surface of explaining this, but let’s just say I was hooked!  I’d found a shiny new toy!

So I created a lens and I’m sitting there writing and listening to The Dave Ramsey Show.  He’s talking to his caller about pursuing a better career and finding his passion.  Then he asked the caller, “What would you do if money were no object?”

“WRITE!”

What?  Who said that?  Not the guy on the radio – oh wait…that was me! I startled myself with my own thought being so forcefully screamed by my brain!  All of a sudden it is so obvious.  My next step is to “write.”  That’s the missing link.  That’s the thing that is going to tie all of this stuff together!

This is what God wants me to do.  He’s lighting the path at my feet.  I don’t know why.  I don’t know how. I don’t know if I’m any good.  I just know.  I know that through writing I’m going to find some peace and gain the focus needed to start down the lighted path.  God is saying “MOVE!”  And I am saying, “Amen!  It’s about time!”

Put Down Your Luggage!

“Dear God,

OK, I have serious bloggers block!  What should I write about this month?  I know that I have a whole list of stories from my life that demonstrate how wonderful you are and how thankful I am to be so blessed…but for some reason none of them are motivating me at this moment.  Why is that?  I feel like maybe this month should be something current, but I feel kind of blah lately, like I’m stuck in some kind of rut and – what?...Forgiveness?  You want me to write about forgiveness?...Well OK, that makes sense for April since we did just celebrate Easter and all.  Thanks!  I knew you would inspire me! –Amen” 

(Yes, I realize it is now June but I really did start this post in April.  Will you please forgive me for being such a slacker?) 

So, what do I know about forgiveness?  I know that we are all called to do it.  I know that it is one of the hardest things in life to do.  It goes against every cell of our flesh to forgive when somebody has hurt us so badly.  And then I think about Jesus.  He died a horrible death on a cross so that we could all be forgiven.  He forgave us and redeemed us all.  There’s no doubt that as flesh Himself that was THE hardest thing He ever had to do.  But He did it because God asked Him to, because they both love us so much.  We are reminded of this in John 3:16

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

He made Jesus the ultimate example of what it means to forgive.  And because I know that He loves me so much (and you too), I know He would never ask me to do something that wasn't for my own good.  He does not ask us to forgive our offenders for their sake (He is perfectly capable of dealing with them Himself - He does not need our help)!  He asks us to forgive them for our own sake.  It's taken me most of my life to figure this out. 

I will never forget the day that it just clobbered me over the head; the realization that withholding forgiveness was only hurting me.  It seemed like I had been mad at my dad forever.  Not the kind of I’m-never-speaking-to-you-again kind of mad, just this resentment that was always lingering in the edges of my mind.  Just waiting for the perfect moment to spring from the shadows and completely overtake me.  I knew it was time to just get over it, I mean my parents had been divorced for more than a third of my life.  I knew God wanted me to forgive, but I just couldn’t seem to do it.  I kept asking, 

“How do you forgive someone who’s never asked for forgiveness…who’s never even admitted that they did anything wrong?” 

It wasn’t long after that conversation with God that He answered me.  I was serving in the store at our church and while straightening up I noticed this wall of DVDs.  I had seen them there before, but never really paid much attention. They were the Nooma series and there was a bunch of them.  But on that day, this one in particular caught my eye and practically jumped off the shelf into my hands.  It was titled Luggage 007 - Rob Bell.  I turned it over to see what it was about and this is what I read: 

“Maybe a friend turned their back on you. Maybe someone you loved betrayed you. We all have wounds and we end up carrying around these things that people have done to us for weeks, months, and sometimes even years. It isn’t always easy to forgive these people and after a while these hurts can get really heavy. So the only way to feel better seems to be somehow getting back at the people that hurt us, to get revenge. But does revenge ever truly satisfy? Maybe forgiving isn’t something you do for someone else to let them off the hook. Maybe forgiveness is about you. God didn’t create you to carry these wounds around. God created you to be free.” 

Somewhat stunned, I put it back on the shelf.  It was the only one that I’d even felt compelled to look at.  That DVD changed my life and I never even actually watched it.  I didn’t need to.  That little blurb on the back told me everything I needed to know.  That was it.  I finally understood that I chose to pick up that “luggage” and carry it around with me.  And to get rid of that hurt all I had to do was forgive, set it down, and walk away.  And that’s exactly what I did.  I don’t think I’ve been mad at my dad since.  In fact, I think our relationship is better than ever. 

Now I recognize that in the big scheme of things this offense doesn’t seem like that big of a deal…half the population is divorced – boo hoo!  I know that I am so blessed to have two parents that love me, to have grown up in a home never lacking anything.  I know that a lot of people have suffered far worse things – unimaginable things that seem impossible to forgive.  If you’re one of those people I can’t say that I know exactly how you feel because I don’t.  But what I do know is that forgiving will only benefit YOU! 

Withholding forgiveness does not punish your offender, it punishes you.  By forgiving someone you are not saying that what they did was alright, you’re not excusing their behavior.  You’re freeing yourself – handing your offender over to God.  Believing that He is a God of justice and trusting that He will allow the appropriate punishment in His own perfect timing. Punishment is not your job and to act like it is only works against you, continuing to hurt you over and over again!  By giving it to God you take away the power of your spiritual enemy.  You sever that hold of hurt that he has on you!  Forgive for your own sake, and let God take care of the rest.  He always does.  When you call on Him, He always answers, just like He answered me on the back of a DVD – God is SO good!

Chasing the Wind

“Dear God,
Please don’t let me have lost it! Oh God, please, please, please…! If it’s gone I’m sure there’s a way to fix it, but when? How long will that take? Ugh! I don’t even want to think about it. I need it NOW! Please help me find it! I’m pretty sure I stuck it in my purse. Where could it be? It’s so windy! If it blew out it must be long gone. Oh Dear God PLEASE help me find it! – Amen”

Well in honor of the upcoming tax season I thought I’d share a little story of the time I lost my tax return check. My daughter was a little over a year old and I had quit my job nine months prior to stay home with her, practically cutting our household income in half. Needless to say we REALLY needed that check. Back then, we didn’t understand that it was not really a good thing to get a tax return. A return just means that we overpaid the government and let them use our money all year interest-free. But that’s beside the point…back then it seemed like the best plan ever! We could live for the next 3 months on that check alone. We praised ourselves for being so smart with our finances!

So, excited to have gotten the check (this was before electronic filing came into fashion – praise God for that), I tucked it into the back pocket of my purse, gathered up the baby and all of the necessary accompanying gear, and set out to run some errands – first stop being to deposit that check. With everyone and everything safely and securely packed in the car, I turned to battle the wind managing to get myself seated behind the steering wheel just as the wind slammed the car door closed behind me. If you live in Oklahoma you know exactly what I’m talking about! You could easily lose a leg if you’re not careful! I flung my purse into the passenger seat and went to grab the check to get it ready – but where was it?

I’m pretty sure I stuck it in here…(Frantically digging through my purse)…What if it blew out?...That would have been at least 5 minutes ago…In this wind it’s long gone…(Panic starts to set in)…Maybe I left it in the house.

I went back into the house quickly running through and looking everywhere that I thought I might have left it. It was nowhere to be found.

I ran back outside. The wind was blowing hard out of the north so I strained to see as far south as I could, looking for a piece of paper blowing down the street…nothing! It was gone. There was no way that the wind hadn’t already blown it into oblivion. What was I going to do? Call the IRS and ask them to issue another one – ha! I’m sure that’s an easy process! Not to mention that I needed that money like yesterday! That’s when I started to pray - that kind of panicked, urgent prayer that I only remember praying a few other times in my life. What should I do? Drive down the street to look for it? I had walked a couple houses past my house trying to see if I could see it. I turned around to head back to my car (yes, my baby was in there by herself, but don’t worry, the car wasn’t running and I wasn’t that far away). At that moment I noticed a piece of paper plastered to the south side of my house. My heart skipped a beat. Could it be my check? Oh please God, let that be my check. But as I got closer I had my doubts. The wind was blowing toward the south away from that side of my house. How could it have ended up there? I started to run toward the paper anyway, because chances were it wouldn’t stay put for long. As I entered into the area between mine and my neighbor’s house I experienced a small vortex of wind. A-ha! The wind was getting trapped between our houses and gusting toward the north…could it be?! I grabbed the paper, held my breath, and turned it over – JACKPOT!  It WAS my check! Hallelujah – Praise God – literally! I cried with relief and climbed back into the car, check tightly gripped in my hand all the way to the bank.

Now you may be thinking that this is really no big deal, not exactly an awe inspiring testimony. It’s perfectly natural that the check would be caught up in a vortex and blown against the side of my house, but trust me, this was a supernatural event! God intervened on my behalf. I had been relying on that money, relying on the government to provide that money. This was His way of getting my attention to remind me that I should only be relying on Him. He provides for all my needs. That money wasn’t a gift from the government. They were just returning what was mine. Actually it wasn’t even really mine, it was God’s. He was entrusting me with His riches, reminding me that it came from Him and it could be taken away just as easily as it was given. Thankfully, He blessed me with mercy that day and allowed me to keep it.

I believe that God has been prompting me to share this story with you for several reasons. First, it’s tax season again, so it’s timely. Second, He recently showed me this passage from His word: “But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.” (Deuteronomy 8:18 NIV), reminding me that it is He who gives us the “ability” to earn money. He deserves all the glory for every penny we have!

And lastly, a few days ago I was waiting for my now 9-year old daughter to get home from school. It was very windy out, much like the day my check blew away. My 3-year old son came running to me exclaiming:

“Sissy’s home! Sissy’s home! She’s tryin ta get sumpin (something).”

I looked out the window and couldn’t see her. Where was she? I knew her bus had already come. Then I saw her, bent down in front of our brick mailbox, apparently trying to pick up the mail that she’d dropped. I opened the door and walked toward her, asking if she needed help. She was crying…balling actually. She had dropped the mail and the wind had picked up a piece and was blowing it down the street. She had her hands and feet frantically stepping on all of the rest of the mail trying to keep it from also blowing away. I gathered up the mail freeing her to chase down the piece that had gotten away. Turns out it was just junk mail, but she didn’t know that. To her, it could have been the most important piece of mail in the world. I knew exactly how she felt. I had wanted to cry too when I thought my check was blowing down the street all those years ago. As I watched her chase after that mail it struck me, God was using the memory of that incident to once again remind me that we need to rely solely on Him…otherwise we’re just chasing the wind!

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep...

“Dear God,
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen
P.S. Please keep those little devils locked tightly in my closet…Amen!

This is the prayer of a five-ish year old little girl, that girl being me. I have said this prayer every night for as long as I can remember. My mom taught it to me and we would always say it together (not the “P.S.” part). I know this prayer has stirred some controversy as to whether it is too scary for children, and that it’s been revised to make it more kid-friendly, but I’ve always liked the original. I don’t remember ever thinking it was scary. I always found it comforting (and still do) to think that God was watching over me as I slept and even if something should happen, and I never woke, I took comfort in the fact that I would be with Him.

So why did I add the “P.S.” about the devils if I wasn’t scared? Well I was scared, but not because of the prayer. To be real honest, I’m not certain that I actually added that to my prayer…I mean that was almost 35 years ago so it’s a little fuzzy around the edges. But here’s what I do remember quite clearly:

I was lying in my bed, in a room that I shared with my baby brother. I thought I saw something moving under his crib and when I sat up to look, two little cartoonish looking devils, complete with horns and pitchforks, crawled out from underneath it. They didn’t say anything, just laughed demonically as they pulled me from my bed and led me toward the closet. The door was open (hadn’t mom closed that before she tucked me in?!) and all I could see through the opening was darkness engulfed in flames (I knew it! – the closet WAS in fact the gateway to hell!). The two little devils walked ahead of me, still pulling me by my hand. I could hear them whispering, but couldn’t make out what they were saying. Just as I was about to panic I heard the command,

“Look down!” in a very clear voice.

When I looked down there was a rock, like a river rock, on the floor. I reached down and picked it up with my free hand. Instinctively, I knew what to do with it. I slipped it into the devil’s hand that held mine. Success! He didn’t even know that I’d escaped. I stood there and watched as the two little devils entered my inferno of a closet and the door slammed shut behind them, securely locking them away. In the dark, I stood there relieved, knowing that God was right there with me. It was His voice that I had heard. He saved me, protected me - my soul, that night, I would keep!

You’ve no doubt already figured out that I had a bad dream – well sort of a nightmare-turned-most wonderfully significant dream of my life. I’m sure that some of you are skeptical that I can even remember a dream from so long ago, but let me assure you – I do! Ask anyone who knows me well and they will tell you that I have an EXCELLENT memory (keep your Rain Man jokes to yourself please). Not a photographic memory and I’m terrible with remembering numbers, but a very detailed, situational memory. I think it’s because I really try to live in a moment and pay great attention to all of the sensory details. Also, growing up we moved every couple of years, so it’s fairly easy to remember things based on where I was, allowing me to pinpoint the time period pretty accurately.

I know that I was about 5 because we lived in Saudi Arabia from when I was 3-6 in a tiny 2-bedroom complex where I had to share a room with my brother. I was 4 when he was born, and I’m sure that both he and my parents would like for you to know that we did come back to the States and stay with my grandparents in Illinois so that he would be born in the good ol’ U.S. of A.! Anyway, that’s why I’m guessing I was close to five, because the dream took place in that room at the same time I was actually living there. The dream was so real that I don’t even remember when I crossed over from being asleep to awake. I just know that I was awake in that room, closet door closed, knowing that God was with me. I wasn’t scared in that moment, but to this day I cannot go to sleep without closing the closet doors! And I always make sure my kids closet doors are shut tight too! Practically every time I go through this ritual I remember my dream and how it was my first real introduction to God as my Savior.

I am not trying to claim that I understood the meaning or symbolism of this dream at such a young age, just that I knew God was real and He was (and still is) looking out for me. I attended a Christian Pre-School while living in Saudi Arabia, so I’m sure those story-time teachings with the characters on the felt board had their influence on me. If you’ve read some of my other blog posts you’ve probably figured out that going to church and reading the bible are relatively new to me. In fact I just did my first bible study a few months ago. So imagine my overwhelming surprise when I came across this little jewel:

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. Psalm 18:2 NLT

I know, pretty amazing right?! And there are so many other passages like this in the bible that I can’t even begin to list them all. I am so blown away every time I come across one. After all these years my dream finally makes sense.  I always knew that I had heard God and felt His presence in my dream, but I never thought I actually saw Him, until now…He was the ROCK!!!
 
God is SO awesome that He came to me in a dream when I was five years old, to save me from my spiritual enemy (or in this case - little cartoon minions), and to show me, literally, that He is my rock, my solid foundation! That’s how much God loves me, and He wants me to tell you that He loves you just as much! Amen for that!

2010 the Miracle!

“Dear God,
Okay, I know this is a BIG ask, but I’m going for it…I want to be debt free, all but my house, by the end of this year. I’m going to commit to do all that I know how to do to get us there, but mathematically it’s just not possible. I need you to produce a miracle to forgive this debt, and I’m asking you to do it by the year’s end because that truly would be a miracle! If it is not your will I completely understand and trust that you have your reasons. My only other stipulation is that nobody dies in order for this to happen…I most definitely don’t want to pay off debt that way! I know it’s a lot to ask, and normally I wouldn’t dream of being so audacious, but I’ve learned that I should not insult you by trying to limit your abilities to what only my little brain can comprehend! Thank you for listening to and never tiring of me! It’s going to be a great year! Amen!”

And that’s how I started out 2010 – with that prayer. Our pastor had done a sermon about “The One Thing” that we hoped to accomplish in the upcoming year and we were to take that one thing to God. We were instructed to pray for it to happen, to be specific, and to believe that it would be given. So that’s what I did. I know that I shouldn’t put stipulations on God, like a time limit, because His ways are always better than mine (and rarely the same I might add), but my reasoning for the stipulations was simple. First off, I definitely did not want to prosper from anyone dying - understandable right?! Secondly, the BIG ask needed to be something, well – BIG! Without the time limit it seemed to be something that we could feasibly do ourselves within the next few years. But within a year’s time I could not see ANY possible way for this debt to disappear without a Godly intervention. So I committed to do my part. As you may know from reading some of my other posts (specifically “Screw Nehemiah: NEH Part II posted in Dec. 2010), things have been pretty tight financially around my house over the past few years. On a monthly basis our out-go has been more than our in-flow, so we have depended on my husband’s year-end bonus to make up for that shortfall. Historically his bonus is quite good and God has been making sure that it all works out!

So even though financially 2010 started out much the same way as other years, we decided that we were really going to tighten our belt and commit to sending a specific amount over and above our normal car payment, which would pay it off by the year’s end. We also committed to paying a set amount per month to the credit card which was slightly more than the minimum. By the end of the year, assuming we had a normal bonus, we should be able to pay off that card too. Mathematically that was all I could put together in my mind. I could commit to get us out of debt on the car and the credit card, but that still left the student loan. Even if, and assuming we received a comparable bonus to years past, it would not be enough to pay off the student loan in it’s entirety – see what I mean by a “BIG” ask?!

So that was my plan for the year and I embraced it with a passion (I would say “we” but my husband was not quite as enthusiastic or confident as me, although he did willingly go along with the plan – even sacrificing his beloved OU Season Football Tickets!). I want to mention that we have been tithing faithfully for years now and that did not change throughout this process. I fully believe that when you return your first and your best (to God) that He blesses the rest. I’ve seen it proven in my own life over and over again, so I wasn’t too surprised when things really started to move our way.

In January, my husband’s architectural firm asked me if I would be interested in contracting with them for interior design work – of course I would! Cha-ching!

In the springtime, we got a pretty substantial tax return, which was good but it also reminded us that we had been overpaying our taxes. Which really just means that we were loaning the government our hard earned money all year, interest free! So we reevaluated our deductions and decided to hold out less each month, putting more money in our pocket to pay down the debt.

We also met the deductible on our HSA (Health Savings Account), which meant that we were able to stop contributing so much per month since any bills would now be paid at 100%. Again, more money in our pocket! Things were really picking up steam.

Now my husband usually gets a mid-year bonus as well, but in this uncertain economy he had been warned not to expect or rely on it. But I went right on believing that somehow God would make it all work out. And guess what? -He did. My husband got his bonus, and although it was less than year’s past, it was EXACTLY the right amount to go ahead and pay off the car, four months ahead of schedule! Oh happy day!

Not long after that, I had the idea (obviously a divine revelation) to refinance my house. I had looked into it before but with the interest rate at the time it wasn’t really worth it. But something told me to check again. Monthly, I wasn’t really expecting to save much, but interest rates had dropped so dramatically that I’d be crazy not to re-fi if I could keep my payments roughly the same. So long story short, we did the re-fi and guess what? – not only did I considerably drop my interest rate and save a little money every month, but I got back all of the money that we’d been putting into escrow, AND we got to skip a house payment while everything was processed – two benefits that I had never even considered. So, I combined that escrow money and that monthly mortgage payment and paid off our credit card, 2 months early! All of a sudden I was starting to fathom how we could possibly pay off our student loan by the end of the year. God can always make a way!

So here it is, January 2011 and I had been hoping and sincerely believing that my first post of the new year would be my testimony of how God provided a miracle and that we were finally able to scream “I’m debt free” on the Dave Ramsey radio show (at least that was my fantasy – I think I might need to get a life!). Anyway, while I can’t yet say that we are debt free, I can most assuredly say that God provided that miracle. And here’s how:

In this tough economy the year-end bonus didn’t even come close to previous years, however we were able to pay off two of our three debts before we even knew that to be the case. This monthly savings allowed us to have an all-cash Christmas, which typically we would charge and then pay off with the bonus. That savings also allowed us to balance our monthly budget. Our in-flow is now more than our out-go, yea! We are no longer dependent on that bonus - Praise God!

I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t disappointed or that I didn’t feel somewhat let down by God, but I just remind myself of what He said in Isaiah 55:8-9:

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

I know this to be true, and I am SO grateful for the miracles that did occur. My favorite thing about 2010, by far, was getting to walk so closely with Him, seeing Him work daily in my life. Sure I wish the student loan was gone too, but I know that He has not abandoned me. It’s just going to happen in His time, His way, and it will work out even better than I could ever imagine! I’ll let you know how and when that transpires. I have a feeling it’s going to be good! So in the meantime, I’ll keep believing God for miracles, recognizing when they happen, and giving Him all the glory! I’m so excited to see what He has in store for 2011 – for all of us! Please feel free to drop me a line if you ever feel like sharing your story! Happy New Year!