Chasing the Wind

“Dear God,
Please don’t let me have lost it! Oh God, please, please, please…! If it’s gone I’m sure there’s a way to fix it, but when? How long will that take? Ugh! I don’t even want to think about it. I need it NOW! Please help me find it! I’m pretty sure I stuck it in my purse. Where could it be? It’s so windy! If it blew out it must be long gone. Oh Dear God PLEASE help me find it! – Amen”

Well in honor of the upcoming tax season I thought I’d share a little story of the time I lost my tax return check. My daughter was a little over a year old and I had quit my job nine months prior to stay home with her, practically cutting our household income in half. Needless to say we REALLY needed that check. Back then, we didn’t understand that it was not really a good thing to get a tax return. A return just means that we overpaid the government and let them use our money all year interest-free. But that’s beside the point…back then it seemed like the best plan ever! We could live for the next 3 months on that check alone. We praised ourselves for being so smart with our finances!

So, excited to have gotten the check (this was before electronic filing came into fashion – praise God for that), I tucked it into the back pocket of my purse, gathered up the baby and all of the necessary accompanying gear, and set out to run some errands – first stop being to deposit that check. With everyone and everything safely and securely packed in the car, I turned to battle the wind managing to get myself seated behind the steering wheel just as the wind slammed the car door closed behind me. If you live in Oklahoma you know exactly what I’m talking about! You could easily lose a leg if you’re not careful! I flung my purse into the passenger seat and went to grab the check to get it ready – but where was it?

I’m pretty sure I stuck it in here…(Frantically digging through my purse)…What if it blew out?...That would have been at least 5 minutes ago…In this wind it’s long gone…(Panic starts to set in)…Maybe I left it in the house.

I went back into the house quickly running through and looking everywhere that I thought I might have left it. It was nowhere to be found.

I ran back outside. The wind was blowing hard out of the north so I strained to see as far south as I could, looking for a piece of paper blowing down the street…nothing! It was gone. There was no way that the wind hadn’t already blown it into oblivion. What was I going to do? Call the IRS and ask them to issue another one – ha! I’m sure that’s an easy process! Not to mention that I needed that money like yesterday! That’s when I started to pray - that kind of panicked, urgent prayer that I only remember praying a few other times in my life. What should I do? Drive down the street to look for it? I had walked a couple houses past my house trying to see if I could see it. I turned around to head back to my car (yes, my baby was in there by herself, but don’t worry, the car wasn’t running and I wasn’t that far away). At that moment I noticed a piece of paper plastered to the south side of my house. My heart skipped a beat. Could it be my check? Oh please God, let that be my check. But as I got closer I had my doubts. The wind was blowing toward the south away from that side of my house. How could it have ended up there? I started to run toward the paper anyway, because chances were it wouldn’t stay put for long. As I entered into the area between mine and my neighbor’s house I experienced a small vortex of wind. A-ha! The wind was getting trapped between our houses and gusting toward the north…could it be?! I grabbed the paper, held my breath, and turned it over – JACKPOT!  It WAS my check! Hallelujah – Praise God – literally! I cried with relief and climbed back into the car, check tightly gripped in my hand all the way to the bank.

Now you may be thinking that this is really no big deal, not exactly an awe inspiring testimony. It’s perfectly natural that the check would be caught up in a vortex and blown against the side of my house, but trust me, this was a supernatural event! God intervened on my behalf. I had been relying on that money, relying on the government to provide that money. This was His way of getting my attention to remind me that I should only be relying on Him. He provides for all my needs. That money wasn’t a gift from the government. They were just returning what was mine. Actually it wasn’t even really mine, it was God’s. He was entrusting me with His riches, reminding me that it came from Him and it could be taken away just as easily as it was given. Thankfully, He blessed me with mercy that day and allowed me to keep it.

I believe that God has been prompting me to share this story with you for several reasons. First, it’s tax season again, so it’s timely. Second, He recently showed me this passage from His word: “But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.” (Deuteronomy 8:18 NIV), reminding me that it is He who gives us the “ability” to earn money. He deserves all the glory for every penny we have!

And lastly, a few days ago I was waiting for my now 9-year old daughter to get home from school. It was very windy out, much like the day my check blew away. My 3-year old son came running to me exclaiming:

“Sissy’s home! Sissy’s home! She’s tryin ta get sumpin (something).”

I looked out the window and couldn’t see her. Where was she? I knew her bus had already come. Then I saw her, bent down in front of our brick mailbox, apparently trying to pick up the mail that she’d dropped. I opened the door and walked toward her, asking if she needed help. She was crying…balling actually. She had dropped the mail and the wind had picked up a piece and was blowing it down the street. She had her hands and feet frantically stepping on all of the rest of the mail trying to keep it from also blowing away. I gathered up the mail freeing her to chase down the piece that had gotten away. Turns out it was just junk mail, but she didn’t know that. To her, it could have been the most important piece of mail in the world. I knew exactly how she felt. I had wanted to cry too when I thought my check was blowing down the street all those years ago. As I watched her chase after that mail it struck me, God was using the memory of that incident to once again remind me that we need to rely solely on Him…otherwise we’re just chasing the wind!

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep...

“Dear God,
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen
P.S. Please keep those little devils locked tightly in my closet…Amen!

This is the prayer of a five-ish year old little girl, that girl being me. I have said this prayer every night for as long as I can remember. My mom taught it to me and we would always say it together (not the “P.S.” part). I know this prayer has stirred some controversy as to whether it is too scary for children, and that it’s been revised to make it more kid-friendly, but I’ve always liked the original. I don’t remember ever thinking it was scary. I always found it comforting (and still do) to think that God was watching over me as I slept and even if something should happen, and I never woke, I took comfort in the fact that I would be with Him.

So why did I add the “P.S.” about the devils if I wasn’t scared? Well I was scared, but not because of the prayer. To be real honest, I’m not certain that I actually added that to my prayer…I mean that was almost 35 years ago so it’s a little fuzzy around the edges. But here’s what I do remember quite clearly:

I was lying in my bed, in a room that I shared with my baby brother. I thought I saw something moving under his crib and when I sat up to look, two little cartoonish looking devils, complete with horns and pitchforks, crawled out from underneath it. They didn’t say anything, just laughed demonically as they pulled me from my bed and led me toward the closet. The door was open (hadn’t mom closed that before she tucked me in?!) and all I could see through the opening was darkness engulfed in flames (I knew it! – the closet WAS in fact the gateway to hell!). The two little devils walked ahead of me, still pulling me by my hand. I could hear them whispering, but couldn’t make out what they were saying. Just as I was about to panic I heard the command,

“Look down!” in a very clear voice.

When I looked down there was a rock, like a river rock, on the floor. I reached down and picked it up with my free hand. Instinctively, I knew what to do with it. I slipped it into the devil’s hand that held mine. Success! He didn’t even know that I’d escaped. I stood there and watched as the two little devils entered my inferno of a closet and the door slammed shut behind them, securely locking them away. In the dark, I stood there relieved, knowing that God was right there with me. It was His voice that I had heard. He saved me, protected me - my soul, that night, I would keep!

You’ve no doubt already figured out that I had a bad dream – well sort of a nightmare-turned-most wonderfully significant dream of my life. I’m sure that some of you are skeptical that I can even remember a dream from so long ago, but let me assure you – I do! Ask anyone who knows me well and they will tell you that I have an EXCELLENT memory (keep your Rain Man jokes to yourself please). Not a photographic memory and I’m terrible with remembering numbers, but a very detailed, situational memory. I think it’s because I really try to live in a moment and pay great attention to all of the sensory details. Also, growing up we moved every couple of years, so it’s fairly easy to remember things based on where I was, allowing me to pinpoint the time period pretty accurately.

I know that I was about 5 because we lived in Saudi Arabia from when I was 3-6 in a tiny 2-bedroom complex where I had to share a room with my brother. I was 4 when he was born, and I’m sure that both he and my parents would like for you to know that we did come back to the States and stay with my grandparents in Illinois so that he would be born in the good ol’ U.S. of A.! Anyway, that’s why I’m guessing I was close to five, because the dream took place in that room at the same time I was actually living there. The dream was so real that I don’t even remember when I crossed over from being asleep to awake. I just know that I was awake in that room, closet door closed, knowing that God was with me. I wasn’t scared in that moment, but to this day I cannot go to sleep without closing the closet doors! And I always make sure my kids closet doors are shut tight too! Practically every time I go through this ritual I remember my dream and how it was my first real introduction to God as my Savior.

I am not trying to claim that I understood the meaning or symbolism of this dream at such a young age, just that I knew God was real and He was (and still is) looking out for me. I attended a Christian Pre-School while living in Saudi Arabia, so I’m sure those story-time teachings with the characters on the felt board had their influence on me. If you’ve read some of my other blog posts you’ve probably figured out that going to church and reading the bible are relatively new to me. In fact I just did my first bible study a few months ago. So imagine my overwhelming surprise when I came across this little jewel:

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. Psalm 18:2 NLT

I know, pretty amazing right?! And there are so many other passages like this in the bible that I can’t even begin to list them all. I am so blown away every time I come across one. After all these years my dream finally makes sense.  I always knew that I had heard God and felt His presence in my dream, but I never thought I actually saw Him, until now…He was the ROCK!!!
 
God is SO awesome that He came to me in a dream when I was five years old, to save me from my spiritual enemy (or in this case - little cartoon minions), and to show me, literally, that He is my rock, my solid foundation! That’s how much God loves me, and He wants me to tell you that He loves you just as much! Amen for that!

2010 the Miracle!

“Dear God,
Okay, I know this is a BIG ask, but I’m going for it…I want to be debt free, all but my house, by the end of this year. I’m going to commit to do all that I know how to do to get us there, but mathematically it’s just not possible. I need you to produce a miracle to forgive this debt, and I’m asking you to do it by the year’s end because that truly would be a miracle! If it is not your will I completely understand and trust that you have your reasons. My only other stipulation is that nobody dies in order for this to happen…I most definitely don’t want to pay off debt that way! I know it’s a lot to ask, and normally I wouldn’t dream of being so audacious, but I’ve learned that I should not insult you by trying to limit your abilities to what only my little brain can comprehend! Thank you for listening to and never tiring of me! It’s going to be a great year! Amen!”

And that’s how I started out 2010 – with that prayer. Our pastor had done a sermon about “The One Thing” that we hoped to accomplish in the upcoming year and we were to take that one thing to God. We were instructed to pray for it to happen, to be specific, and to believe that it would be given. So that’s what I did. I know that I shouldn’t put stipulations on God, like a time limit, because His ways are always better than mine (and rarely the same I might add), but my reasoning for the stipulations was simple. First off, I definitely did not want to prosper from anyone dying - understandable right?! Secondly, the BIG ask needed to be something, well – BIG! Without the time limit it seemed to be something that we could feasibly do ourselves within the next few years. But within a year’s time I could not see ANY possible way for this debt to disappear without a Godly intervention. So I committed to do my part. As you may know from reading some of my other posts (specifically “Screw Nehemiah: NEH Part II posted in Dec. 2010), things have been pretty tight financially around my house over the past few years. On a monthly basis our out-go has been more than our in-flow, so we have depended on my husband’s year-end bonus to make up for that shortfall. Historically his bonus is quite good and God has been making sure that it all works out!

So even though financially 2010 started out much the same way as other years, we decided that we were really going to tighten our belt and commit to sending a specific amount over and above our normal car payment, which would pay it off by the year’s end. We also committed to paying a set amount per month to the credit card which was slightly more than the minimum. By the end of the year, assuming we had a normal bonus, we should be able to pay off that card too. Mathematically that was all I could put together in my mind. I could commit to get us out of debt on the car and the credit card, but that still left the student loan. Even if, and assuming we received a comparable bonus to years past, it would not be enough to pay off the student loan in it’s entirety – see what I mean by a “BIG” ask?!

So that was my plan for the year and I embraced it with a passion (I would say “we” but my husband was not quite as enthusiastic or confident as me, although he did willingly go along with the plan – even sacrificing his beloved OU Season Football Tickets!). I want to mention that we have been tithing faithfully for years now and that did not change throughout this process. I fully believe that when you return your first and your best (to God) that He blesses the rest. I’ve seen it proven in my own life over and over again, so I wasn’t too surprised when things really started to move our way.

In January, my husband’s architectural firm asked me if I would be interested in contracting with them for interior design work – of course I would! Cha-ching!

In the springtime, we got a pretty substantial tax return, which was good but it also reminded us that we had been overpaying our taxes. Which really just means that we were loaning the government our hard earned money all year, interest free! So we reevaluated our deductions and decided to hold out less each month, putting more money in our pocket to pay down the debt.

We also met the deductible on our HSA (Health Savings Account), which meant that we were able to stop contributing so much per month since any bills would now be paid at 100%. Again, more money in our pocket! Things were really picking up steam.

Now my husband usually gets a mid-year bonus as well, but in this uncertain economy he had been warned not to expect or rely on it. But I went right on believing that somehow God would make it all work out. And guess what? -He did. My husband got his bonus, and although it was less than year’s past, it was EXACTLY the right amount to go ahead and pay off the car, four months ahead of schedule! Oh happy day!

Not long after that, I had the idea (obviously a divine revelation) to refinance my house. I had looked into it before but with the interest rate at the time it wasn’t really worth it. But something told me to check again. Monthly, I wasn’t really expecting to save much, but interest rates had dropped so dramatically that I’d be crazy not to re-fi if I could keep my payments roughly the same. So long story short, we did the re-fi and guess what? – not only did I considerably drop my interest rate and save a little money every month, but I got back all of the money that we’d been putting into escrow, AND we got to skip a house payment while everything was processed – two benefits that I had never even considered. So, I combined that escrow money and that monthly mortgage payment and paid off our credit card, 2 months early! All of a sudden I was starting to fathom how we could possibly pay off our student loan by the end of the year. God can always make a way!

So here it is, January 2011 and I had been hoping and sincerely believing that my first post of the new year would be my testimony of how God provided a miracle and that we were finally able to scream “I’m debt free” on the Dave Ramsey radio show (at least that was my fantasy – I think I might need to get a life!). Anyway, while I can’t yet say that we are debt free, I can most assuredly say that God provided that miracle. And here’s how:

In this tough economy the year-end bonus didn’t even come close to previous years, however we were able to pay off two of our three debts before we even knew that to be the case. This monthly savings allowed us to have an all-cash Christmas, which typically we would charge and then pay off with the bonus. That savings also allowed us to balance our monthly budget. Our in-flow is now more than our out-go, yea! We are no longer dependent on that bonus - Praise God!

I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t disappointed or that I didn’t feel somewhat let down by God, but I just remind myself of what He said in Isaiah 55:8-9:

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

I know this to be true, and I am SO grateful for the miracles that did occur. My favorite thing about 2010, by far, was getting to walk so closely with Him, seeing Him work daily in my life. Sure I wish the student loan was gone too, but I know that He has not abandoned me. It’s just going to happen in His time, His way, and it will work out even better than I could ever imagine! I’ll let you know how and when that transpires. I have a feeling it’s going to be good! So in the meantime, I’ll keep believing God for miracles, recognizing when they happen, and giving Him all the glory! I’m so excited to see what He has in store for 2011 – for all of us! Please feel free to drop me a line if you ever feel like sharing your story! Happy New Year!